Ask Kati Anything Kati Morton

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 212, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses therapy hangovers and if those are even real. She then explains why talking positively to ourselves can give us the icks, why we can not like it if our therapist enjoys their job, and how we can ask our therapist to support us when we are having a hard time. She ends with the reasons we can not want to talk about our eating habits in therapy, and her experience working in community health clinics.

audience questions:

1. My question is about “therapy hangovers”. Is it even real? If it is real how does one deal with it and how long should it last? 00:43

2. How does one get used to positive talk when their whole life they have been shit talked to. I get the ick with compliments and when someone shows that they care 09:49

3. Why do I hate it when my therapist says that he loves his job and that he really enjoys working with his patients? When he says that it makes me feel like I'm there for his entertainment. I feel like a circus freak, like I'm only there for him to study and learn from. 13:56

4. I was having a hard time during my last therapy session. I didn’t want to talk much and felt really low. My therapist asked how she can support me. I had no idea what to say so I just told her that I didn’t know. What does she mean when she asks this? What kinds of support can she give during the therapy session? I do remote therapy by the way. 22:15

5. My question is about not wanting to talk about my eating habits in therapy. In one of my first few sessions my therapist asked me about my relationship with food. I’m overweight and I don’t have very healthy eating habits. I would not consider it to be an eating disorder but who knows, a professional might disagree. I told her that I’ve seen dieticians before and I have all the knowledge I need about healthy eating and that I’m not interested in addressing this in therapy. She has diagnosed me with PTSD from S/A that happened when I was 23 (5 years ago) and that’s what I want to work on. The next session she brought up my eating habits again and advised me to see another dietician. I can’t help but feel frustrated. This is not what I’m here for and after being overweight for most of my life (since I was 12), I’m so sick and tired of every health professional bringing this up. Sore throat? It’s your weight. Ingrown toenail? You might want to lose some weight. Dry skin? It’s probably your weight. One time I saw my doctor for pain in my shoulders and left her office with a referral for gastric surgery. And here we are again. Maybe I’m overreacting or even lashing out because it's such a sensitive subject or is it justified that I don’t want to talk about this in therapy? I would love to get your opinion and hear from others who can relate. 32:46

6. As a clinician who watches your videos, I’m wondering if you have ever worked in community mental health. What would you say CMH is doing well, versus what’s not so good? That can be in a systemic sense, a sense of what the clients or clinicians deal with, or just general. Curious for your input! 42:36



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On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 211, licensed therapist Kati Morton let’s us know if there is anything we do that makes people think they can trauma dump on us, why we can feel at our worst in the evenings, and her thoughts and experiences with internal family systems therapy. She also tells us how to get out of a depressive episode, how to deal with codependency in friendships, and how we can actually feel our feelings.

audience questions:
1. I'd like to ask if there is anything I do that makes people think they can trauma dump on me. I grew up as my parent's therapist and feel like my friends do the same thing. Also no one ever seems to care about how I am. I've been depressed and struggling with passive suicidal ideation and Eating disorders. I'm obviously tired and struggling but no one bothers to ask about me and what is going on. Am I doing something wrong and what can I do? 00:47

2. Why is it that someone who has experienced trauma, aka me, might continue to feel overwhelmed by the emotions of it all when alone in the evenings, even when there is no threat or trigger that I can find? I normally distract myself a lot, but I then just end up not dealing with anything- I’m either all or nothing. (Ps: Due to circumstances I’m currently not having sessions with my counselor). Sorry, I hope this makes sense. 09:23

25 Coping Skills 14:00 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td4LQ2rxVa0&pp=ygUca2F0aSBtb3J0b24gMjUgY29waW5nIHNraWxscw%3D%3D

3. I know you mentioned before that you were starting your own IFS work, and I was wondering your thoughts on it so far? (if you're ok with sharing!) I started with my therapist about 2 months ago, and I really struggle to take it seriously and let go enough for it to be effective. I can't seem to imagine the different versions of me, and the talking to little me part seems so juvenile and awkward that I feel like I don't take it seriously and it isn't really effective. The catch is, I'm people-pleasing my way through it. I'm just playing along with what my therapist says, and I feel like I'm gaslighting her into believing it's helping. I feel like my issue is that I just can't let go and actually let it actually help because I feel so silly. Just wondering if you ever ran into this, or if you had any suggestions on navigating this because I truly want it to work! Thanks for all you do, you rock! 14:53

PARTS WORK IN THERAPY 15:07 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gymev70IGiI

4. Do you know what I can do to get out of a depressive episode or at least make sure it doesn't happen at certain times? This may sound very stupid and maybe there is nothing i can do. I have struggled with these episodes for almost a year now, but only in the last few months they have become so recent that they scare me. I have more lows than good times and even in my good times a tiny thing can disrupt me and send me straight back to my low... 24:35

5. Hi Kati. I was wondering if you would talk about codependency within friendships. 32:23

Kati's inner-child workshop 39:40 https://katimorton.com/the-shop

6. Everyone keeps telling me it’s important to ‘feel my feelings’ and acknowledge my grief (I had an accident so grieving the life I won’t have now) but I don’t understand how to or what that really means. Could you explain how I can try to move on with my life and... 40:31

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Traumatized
Are u ok?

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
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Instacart



ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)



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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains how we can discover our true self, if CPTSD is a lifelong struggle, and why we can want our therapist to worry about us. She also talks about whether or not we can develop an addiction to psychotherapy and why being pampered as a child can cause us to feel helpless a lot. Finally, she helps us figure out how to support people with dependent personality disorder without enabling them.

01:05 Ask Kati Anything ep.210 podcast summary

01:42 How can you discover your true self? In my last therapy session, we discovered just how much I get my self-worth, and feelings of love and appreciation, from helping others. Helping around the house, overworking, generally never sitting down to enjoy my own time. I'm now at the point that I don't know who I am or what I like. How do you start to figure out your true self?

08:38 My question is, with medication, therapy twice a week, and EMDR, will you continue to have C-PTSD symptoms for the rest of your life? Does it ever get to a point where you completely resolve most, if not all, of your symptoms and not require therapy and medication, or, is this a life sentence?

13:02 I want my therapist to worry about me. I wish I could tell her this straight up. But if I do, she'll stop worrying about me. It's like.... Love (I guess?) I've never received and to be honest... I enjoy it. But. There's a huge "BUT." Me making her more and more worried to her as a therapist essentially means that therapy she's providing is not working, right? And that she can and actually should terminate me. Right?!? Which is my biggest worry. That she's gonna leave me. And then my little mind comes up with "Whatever, I'm unlovable anyways so it's fine. I'd leave me too if I was her. I'm not worthy of love. I'm just a pain in the ass and she puts up with me only because I pay her." And then there comes a point where I want to push her away because I've come up with "she doesn't love me so there's no point to get sicker", which to her probably seems like I'm getting better. And. Then she wants (actually suggests but in my mind it translates to "wants") to reduce our sessions from twice a week to only once. And to me it means that she's actually gonna leave because I'm worrying her less. Not more. Such a great mind f*****y. Sorry. It is though. And then I want to get sicker again. Oh. I have anorexia. I don't think I mentioned it anywhere. Is there a way to stop this?

19:57 Is it possible to develop an addiction to psychotherapy? I think I might have it, because I don't have any other safe places where I can express my emotions, or be me. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, it's not always possible to live in a happy environment, or leave it.

25:10 Could you please talk about learned helplessness due to having been spoiled and pampered as a child? I can't get myself to be active and struggle to feel responsible for my own life.

30:16 Could you talk about how family members can love and support people with dependent personality disorder without enabling them? Where is the line from support to enabling??


PUBLISHED BOOKS
Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

A great way to support my channel is to check out our sponsors buy using these links:
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Instacart: https://instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB

ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)

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PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


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This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why a therapist won’t just tell you what you want to hear, and how to get over the feeling that they are only being kind because you are paying them. She also talks about inner child work and why it can be so tough to do, what to do if therapy isn’t helping and we feel worse, and some tips for emotion regulation. Finally, she tells us what to do if we are assaulted by our therapist, and whether or not we play a role in our own suffering.

00:44 How do I believe the things my therapist says and not just think she is saying them because I am paying her? I’ve been in therapy over two years and I’m just now discussing CSA with her. I find myself doubting everything she says when she gives me validation, like she’s just saying what I wanna hear and not really being honest. I want to receive everything she says. How do I get past this?

06:08 Hi Kati, Love your channel and both of your books! I'm wondering why I'm having such a hard time connecting to my inner child? I have some childhood trauma I'm working on in therapy, but I can't seem to do the inner child work. I don't really like my inner child, she's vulnerable. Do you have any tips to help overcome this hurdle? Thank you for all that you do!

15:31 I've been in therapy for almost two years now, and I feel like my problems have just been getting worse. No matter what I try to do, my mental health either stays the same or doesn't get any better. I'm having a hard time figuring out if it might just be because I'm scared to get better. I know that you might suggest finding another therapist, but the problem is that for some reason I'm extremely attached to my therapist and I'm not sure if I would be able to function without her in my life. My entire existence relies on her presence at the moment, and I feel like therapy is...

21:47 What techniques are available to help you get through significant emotional dysregulation short term (the next few hours)? I find the whole ‘opening up’ in therapy very emotionally difficult, so I write out what I need to say between the sessions, leading to an escalating emotional state prior to each session …. Unfortunately, I had to cancel a session … I didn’t react well. (I was very surprised how difficult I found it). I became very dysregulated and spent half a day with significant dissociation that I couldn’t “coping skill” my way out of. Do you have any tips for how to handle in the short term, having an ‘event’ that is a particular stressor, when the coping skills are not enough?

27:18 Do you have any advice about dealing with being assaulted by a therapist in session? So I developed an ED in college as my depression and anxiety worsened along with it. I worked up the courage to go to the college provided counselor, but because of the program's limitations and understaffing the only available one was a male. I find much more comfort with women so I really didn't want to but...

33:29 I recently read a quote saying, "healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering." Can you please explain this to me?

---------
PUBLISHED BOOKS

⁠Traumatized⁠

Are u ok?⁠



The best way to support this channel is to check out my sponsors and buy using these links:
Amazon
Instacart

ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)

SOCIAL
X
TikTok
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest
Patreon

PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
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On Ask Kati Anything podcast ep. 208, licensed therapist Kati Morton explains how we can get past the feeling that our relationship with our therapist is “fake,” how to support our students without being triggered ourselves, and how to know if we are retraumatizing ourselves. She then explains how we can know if we are a narcissist, what it means to process our emotions, and what we can do if we are ashamed of our life.

Audience questions:
1. How do I get past the feeling that the relationship with my therapist is “fake”? I have heard you say that you should feel ‘validated’ and ‘seen’ by your therapist, but I can’t get past the fact that the only reason she is talking to me is because I am paying her. Maybe this is my ‘child of emotional neglect’ talking, but the idea that anyone is interested in helping me is very alien but that doesn’t change the fact that my therapist isn’t my friend, never will be, and wouldn’t choose to talk to me if I didn’t hand over a lot of money. What am I missing? 01:11

2. I work at a school as a teacher and I also work for the before and after program. I do a lot at the school. I work with a lot of different types of students. When I was a little kid I had a lot of trauma. When any kid comes to school with a bruise I think the worse. Sometimes it’s hard for me to see the kiddos cry. Some of the kids do come from rough backgrounds. They tell me things like no one loves me and cares about me. I try my best to let them know I care without crossing the student teacher boundaries. When I get home I just cry because I feel so little all over again. Because I know how they feel. My question is how do I show my students that I care without emotionally hurting myself or triggering myself. 12:26



11:01 ATTACHMENT WORKSHOP

3. How do I know if I am retraumatizing myself? (As an add-on comment: my ED was related to trauma. I worked and thought I did overcome the problem with eating. When my eating disorder suddenly came back, I wondered if this could be a sign of being retraumatized? 20:26

4. How do I know if I am narcissistic? And what is real empathy? 25:17

5. I have a question about processing emotions, feeling them and moving through them. How much is too much, and how much is not enough? And mainly, how does this change when it comes to processing something big like grief? I lost two people very close to me recently. I always try to stuff down emotions and don’t want to feel them, so I’m trying really hard to notice and feel them with this because I know it’s healthy and I need to. Sometimes it’s constant and it’s wayyy too much for me to handle and sometimes it’s nothing. What’s a healthy amount of emotion? 27:58

Hi Kati, what can I do if I feel ashamed of my life? Ashamed of what happened to me, ashamed of how much it affects me today and how little the events really were... I'm so desperate about everything that isn't working anymore and everything I would so deeply wish but can't do anymore.... And the pressure from others that I should functionate again is immense. How can I come out of this "being ashamed of my life"? 38:55

My books:
Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

Online therapy:
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: https://betterhelp.com/kati

Patreon: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

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Please read:
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
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On Ask Kati Anything episode 207, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses eating disorder recovery and why it can be hard for us to let go of it completely. She also explains why we can have romantic feelings for our therapist, and if we should tell them about it. Then she gets into how we can ask our parents to get us in to see a therapist, how to return to regular exercise after ED recovery, and how to tell people about our upsets without oversharing. Finally, Kati digs into self-deprecating thoughts and how to get out of that cycle.



Questions:

00:53 Q1 - I’m currently going through ED recovery and am having a hard time parting with it, because many of the behaviors (healthy eating and exercise) almost feel part of my identity. I feel like I...

19:12 Q2 - Should I tell my therapist about the romantic feelings and thoughts I have for her? If so, how should I broach this topic, and is she likely to terminate me?



19:30 What is Transference In Therapy? (video mentioned by Kati)



24:18 Q3 - ....please could you give me some advice on how I could let my parents know about all this without it being overwhelming or receiving negative responses as I am only 14 so I can’t really leave. Also when is it bad enough to ask for something like therapy...

30:55 Q4 - How do I get back to normal after ED regarding physical activity? What does a healthy active lifestyle look like without overdoing it?

34:48 Q5 - I have a question about sharing our internal upsets with relatives. I catch myself lying about how I’m doing for fear of oversharing. I don’t want to freak the other person out, burden them with my issues, or leave them feeling guilty for...

41:48 Q6 - I constantly am having self deprecating thoughts and sometimes can't even tell my own feelings in a moment. I have a mother who is constantly talking down to me, always getting mad at me about little things, and always has to yell at me about something. I mentioned that I think I might be dealing with emotional abuse to my therapist, and she agreed and said she thinks I am as well. She told me that if I wanted to try and better the relationship I have with my mom she'd help me. But, it seems that as time has gone on the way my mom talks to me and treats me has gotten worse, and it feels like it'll never get better. I'm not sure what to do, and it feels like I'm stuck. My therapist wanted me to use...



MY BOOKS

Traumatized
Are u ok?


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ONLINE THERAPY | While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist, please visit: https://betterhelp.com/kati



Patreon | https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

Partnerships
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com

PLEASE READ
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.


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