Bereavement Room Callsuma Ali

Welcome back to Bereavement Room Podcast, the third and final season!
Kicking off season 3 is Hatim Eldawi, we both met on Clubhouse when we were on stage sharing our experiences of grief. 
I invited Hatim to Bereavement Room to talk to me about his dad who was living with ALS, the challenges that came from travelling to and from Sudan whilst studying and working in California. We also reflect on how picking up your parents personal care can humble your ego and the humour that comes with bereavement and grief. 
Hatim hilariously describes what it was like missing out on going to Cabo with his friends as he had to travel to Sudan instead to take care of his dying father and how not many young people have to deal with the anticipatory grief that comes with a terminally ill parent. 
Hatim created a blog in memory of his father, perspectives from a 23 yr old loving son, please do check out his personal blog over at https://www.babaeldawi.com/, you can also find Hatim on instagram, go show him some love!
Follow Bereavement Room on social media for updates such as reflective cards, audio clips and instagram lives with me your host Callsuma Ali, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom and to make a donation please see our Gofundme page, https://uk.gofundme.com/f/bereavement-room-podcast-community-fundraiser
We both laughed a lot in this episode, I hope it brings love and light to wherever you are in the world. 
As always thank you for listening. 
Your host,
Callsuma 

Today's guest is Sylvester King aka Sly King, the happy hour Birmingham, Alabama radio personality joins me in the room to talk about life before and after his parents.
In this episode we chat about his dad who was also a radio presenter, the hero in his life growing up in a loving and supportive family. The sadness of not having his father who was in radio for 30 years to hear Sly on the radio, the milestones he reached without his father to witness them. 
We unpack the impact of making difficult decisions around his parents health, our faith and ultimately the testament of faith when we are dealing with the inevitable that is death and grief. 
A very reflective conversation with the Happy Hour radio personality at hot1077 from Birmingham, Alabama. 
You can find Sly King on twitter and instagram.
To donate to Bereavement Room and vote for us in the British Podcast Listeners Choice Award please see my Linktree. 
Thanks for listening,
Your host
Callsuma Ali
 

A break in the usual format in light of #DiabetesAwarenessWeek 
Joining me in the room is PHD student Priya, I invited her to take part in a reflective discussion about role models in our Bangladeshi community, type 2 diabetes and all things food!
We all know we are going to die one day, that is a fact of life, some of us will die because of poor health and disease, I am a firm believer that health is wealth and you are what you eat, without sounding like a preacher I am under no illusion that I personally struggle with my own food choices and living a healthier lifestyle, particularly since being diagnosed with diabetes where i feel my diabetes team is failing to support me holistically. 
Diabetes is so common in the Bangladeshi community and as someone who lives with type 2 diabetes and a blood cell disorder, i am keen to unpack what I have consumed over the past 3 decades, this includes my free school meals and portion sizes, coming from a family who was socio-economically disadvantaged, vulnerable and other social detriments I look back to see what's been happening and what might have caused and impacted my poor physical and mental health.  Following my bereavements and declining mental health, I wonder if this has had a impact on my food choices too.
Priya highlights that the environment is so key in helping us reach our health goals, her project explores the role psycho-social cultural factors play in South Asians dietary behaviour, she is interested in type 2 diabetes, developing preventative lifestyle and interventions using behaviour change models, women's health and mental health to improve health outcomes, particularly focusing on addressing deprivation within the Bangladeshi community. Looking at barriers we might face when accessing health services or implementing lifestyle changes. 
I hope this special Diabetes Awareness Week episode brings you food for thought and that you enjoy my personal anecdotes!
Remember there is still time to vote Bereavement Room in the British Podcast Awards for the listeners choice, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom 
Thanks for listening,
Callsuma 

Today across Britain families will be celebrating Father's Day, a day of remembrance and celebration.
Joining me in the room is Abigail Tuitt, growing up in a loving and supportive family, Abi's dad was doting and expressed love with actions, dropping her off to the train station and surprising her with gifts, encouraging her to do well in her studies, as well as offering to make her breakfast. Often daughters are described by their fathers as their princess, he was an integral part of her life. The life and soul of the party and the foundation of her wider family his death came as a huge shock, he died suddenly and unexpectedly from a heart attack. 
Abi talks with me about her breakdown following his death, therapy and her travels to the other side of the world that helped aid her healing, the intersection between grief and travel. 
She openly reflects and questions in what i would describe is the utmost vulnerability and courage, 'my father was a integral part of my life, what is my purpose now?'
We close the episode on why grief can be so intense and as time goes on how Abi carries her grief in her rucksack/backpack, that ultimately grief is love. 
A personal note from me; as someone who was also close to my father this was one of the most relatable conversation's I have ever had about the loss of a father and the integral role of a father in the family system. 
As always, thanks for listening, and if you want to vote for us in the British Podcast Award's for listeners choice, here is the link; https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom 
Until next time take good care of yourself. 
Your host,
Callsuma Ali 
 

Today's guest in the room is British Bengali podcaster of Brown Don't Frown, Tania.
Tania has joined me in the room to talk about her biological mother who died suddenly and unexpectedly when Tania was 10 years old. Having spent the first decade of her life in East London before moving around, she has now done a full circle and returned to her roots in the East End. 
We unpack what child bereavement looked like for her, the importance of emotional support and love following the heart breaking news that her mother had died on what began as a normal day of dropping off the kids to school to the absolute inconceivable trauma that followed.
Tania reflects on intuition, premonitions and dreams, something i know all too well and have been exploring, the interpretation of dreams in relation to death and grief. 
We take a look back on her life, particularly the part when she was adopted by her biological aunt, and then estranged from her biological father. In fact family estrangement is common in all communities including the Bangladeshi community, it is something that is not widely spoken about perhaps out of fear, judgement, reputation and other external factors. 
I ask Tania, does she grieve for the life she never had, whether her life might have turned out differently, of course the answer is largely yes, she replies, I was robbed of my childhood, bereavement has solidified much of how i feel, also reflecting that she is a self made woman who now thrives in her adult life. 
We end our conversation on Bengali joy and hopefully what is helpful guidance around embarking on side hustles and creative ventures. 
Don't forget you can find Bereavement Room on social media, https://linktr.ee/bereavementroom
As always, thanks for listening,
Your host,
Callsuma Ali 
 
 

Today's guest in the room is Bangladeshi American, Bushra Mollick.
Bushra is a writer and the Crisis Communications Manager for NYC Emergency Management. She is writing a biography highlighting her mother's life in Bangladesh and as an immigrant in New York City in the early 90s. She enjoys bird watching, cooking, and researching outdated blasphemy laws. She hopes to empower and inspire fellow Bangladeshi women to fulfil their dreams and put themselves first.
In this episode we discuss our bengali community, culture and the wider Desi community followed by a heart wrenching reflection of the sudden death of her estranged father. 
Bushra often talks about how our community is not a monolith on social media, this captured my interest because as someone who was ostracized by some Bengalis but largely the wider South Asian desi community that I speak like a white girl and was the brown girl living on the white council estates, I wanted to unpack what it means to not make assumptions about our unique journey in life, we conclude that ultimately we are not a monolith that we all have our own experience of the world and that it would be helpful to not make assumptions about lives we have never lived. 
Bushra takes me through her childhood growing up in NYC and how she grew up watching her father who was a taxi driver by day and a creative by night, a writer and photographer in the bengali community.
Bushra reflects that you can mourn a parent that you are estranged from, that everyone wants to be loved and that although they were estranged due to the lack of parental guidance she names the fact that she still loved her father and that's what makes estranged relationships between a parent and a child so unique, that she will never stop loving him and wishing that he was a better father in life.  
Bushra has written a beautiful heart wrenching tribute to her father on her blog http://www.bushramollick.com/ please do give it a read, there is a stunning black and white photo of Bushra and her sister Susana with their dad, the last picture taken of them together. 
You can find Bereavement Room on social media give us a follow: https://www.instagram.com/bereavementroom/ 
As promised some hotlines, resources and support groups in NYC and surrounding areas;
https://nycwell.cityofnewyork.us/en/ 
https://www1.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/domestic-violence-support.page 
https://www.naminys.org/mental-health-support/suicide-prevention/ 
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/groups/grief/new-york 
https://greenwichvillagefuneralhome.com/grief-support/counseling-bereavement-services/#.YPQVqxNKiCQ 
https://copefoundation.org/grief-resources/ 
https://www.inclusivetherapists.com/bengali 
https://www.laalnyc.org/ 
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ 
As promised some helplines, resources, support groups in London and surrounding areas;
https://directory.childbereavementuk.org/ 
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/seeking-help-for-a-mental-health-problem/where-to-start/ 
https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/mental-health-and-stigma/help-and-support 
https://youngminds.org.uk/ 
https://myh.org.uk/ 
https://mbss.org.uk/ 
https://www.baatn.org.uk/find-a-therapist/ 
https://giveusashout.org/ 
https://mindout.org.uk/ 
As always thank you for listening,
Your host
Callsuma Ali