Tragically, the sex addiction therapy community has twisted the term "betrayal trauma" into something it is not. When victims know the truth about betrayal trauma, they can find healing, hope and peace. Kathleen, a resilient and courageous member of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery community, joins Anne on the free BTR podcast to share her story. Kathleen spent over a decade over her head in the sex addiction world, trying to find safety for her family while her husband continued to abuse and betray her. When she finally learned the truth about what betrayal trauma is and why she was suffering from it she was able take the steps she needed to find true safety. Read the full transcript below and listen to the free BTR podcast for more. Betrayal Trauma: The Result of Abuse, Not Addiction A man's "addiction" cannot and does not cause betrayal trauma. Betrayal trauma is the result of abuse. Betrayal, in and of itself, is abuse (this includes pornography use). When women courageously accept that they are not married to a troubled, diseased "addict" (though some abusers may also be addicted), but to an abuser, they able to tackle the real issue and find safety. Victims who are told to view their abuser as a sex addict and themselves as a codependent are like a heart attack patient being told to visit an eye doctor. It just doesn't make sense. Because betrayal trauma is the result of abuse. Not addiction. What Makes Betrayal Trauma Worse? Tragically, some of the recommendations that CSATs make to victims of betrayal trauma are the very things that cause them serious harm and compound their betrayal trauma. So what makes betrayal trauma worse? * Engaging with the abuser: abusers will blame, shame, gaslight, turn tables, lie to, criticize, love-bomb, and re-traumatize victims. When CSATs, clergy, and others counsel traumatized women to share their feelings, ask questions, or work on their communication with the abuser, they are sending a lamb to the slaughter. Instead, victims should avoid engaging with the abuser and set boundaries that protect them from the harm that comes from conversations and associations with partners who are known to harm them.* Counseling and confiding in clergy: clergy-induced trauma is tragically common in betrayal trauma victims. When couples are counseled to meet together with clergy, or women confide one-on-one with religious leaders and clergy disbelieve, minimize, betray, or humiliate the victim, the secondary trauma can be debilitating beyond words. Instead, trauma victims need to spend their time with trauma-informed professionals.* Isolation and secrecy: CSATs may counsel women to keep the "problems in the marriage" private. This is problematic because pornography use and abuse are not a marriage problem - they are his problem. And essentially, by telling the victim to "keep it private", victims are being told to stay silent and isolated. An isolated victim is exactly what an abuser wants. What Can Help You Heal From Betrayal Trauma? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf0xE9BrUf8 You Can Heal From Betrayal Trauma Betrayal trauma can feel debilitating, overwhelming, and insurmountable. It can also feel deeply lonely. But you can heal. You can find peace. You can find yourself again.