BLK Milk‪.‬ Nikhol Rei

In times where we feel lost and not on the right path, we often seek counsel from God. As people on spiritual journeys, we are often revered as those who went off the path and strayed away from God. And while that may be true for many, I don’t think it is true for those who truly balance their trinity (mind, body and spirit).

In my more recent closing of a highly significant karmic cycle of mine, I discovered that I failed to integrate certain lessons…so I sunk back into a karmic limbo and repeated them. And in the midst of that, I abandoned my inner-world (my first home) and with time, it became so unkept, that I started manifesting chaos and dysfunction into my material reality.

I did not lose myself, I lost SIGHT of very sacred ASPECTS of myself…which is almost worse in a way due to how undetected it can go. The dangers of choosing the mind over the spirit are nothing to play with. Our subtle emotional bodies deserve just as must attention and credibility as physicality and intellect; especially when it comes to what/who feels resonant or dissonant. In this lesson, I found that the mind more readily responds to desires vs. fears while the spirit responds to harmony vs. disharmony.

Without daily upkeep of my inner-world, I fell a prey to subtle emotional vices, unconscious behavioral patterns and the wandering thoughts forms that can and WILL make a home out of that uninhabited space if you’re moving too fast and unintentionally.

Here, I share my recent experiences and outlooks on gossip, inauthenticity & immaturity amongst women. Disclaimer: This episode is extremely emotionally charged.

Just listen.

Many people do not realize that narcissists are extremely empathic individuals whose behaviors are reflective of tactics they've adapted survive. Visualize an empath in your mind as a child; super sensitive, easily triggered/overwhelmed, feels the heights and depths of EVERYTHING in their immediate environment and beyond; both subtle and apparent. Then, imagine that highly empathetic child being VIOLATED beyond reason; being raised in a toxic environment with no emotional support, being abused, molested, shut down, manipulated, robbed and drained of their energy and extended little to no compassion or protection. It goes so far, that they eventually go into FULL defense mode for physical, mental and emotional survival. And what does that look like?
ISOLATION AS A BOUNDARY. SELF-PRESERVATION FOR PROTECTION. BEING SELF-ABSORBED (PERFECTIONIST) TO EARN LOVE. EXCESSIVE CONCEIT TO MAKE UP FOR FEELINGS OF UNWORTHINESS.
They were once vulnerable and all feeling and now they are numb, cold and disconnected not only from the world, but from themselves...ALL to stop the pain and silent suffering. These firm, HARSH, impenetrable and even manipulative boundaries are for EMOTIONAL survival. Being an all-feeling empath was too much. And what happens as they get older? They attract reflections of their childhood self (other empaths) and it is the "narcissist's" CHOICE to trust and open up so that they can heal (even if it's painful), OR be a coward and continue to be self-serving ONLY.

☉ Many people may see my passion, fire and conviction and feel unsafe, judged and even disgusted. But rest assure, there are many elements to me as there are many elements to you. We do not assume form as catalysts in one another's lives for nothing. And while I can call someone out, I can simultaneously hold space for understanding them; whether I choose to share that with them or not. This is duality, this is life, this is the breath of evolution. You don't have to choose a side, but one is to be encouraged to gracefully glide upon that middle ground.