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Teaching Kids To Pray

 

Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome to Faith and Family. We are a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian advice and promote Christian values. Today, we’re talking about fully-packed, pint-sized prayers. What are we teaching our kids when it comes to the content, opportunities, and benefits of prayer? How are we teaching them to be confident communicators with God? And why is being prayerful so important for the future of not only our kids, but the future of the Church Of Christ? With me today is Stephanie Canete from East Jacksonville, [Florida] and Robert Tapales from St. Petersburg, [Florida]. Hello! How are you guys?

 

Stephanie Canete: Hey, how are you, Mariel?

 

Robert Tapales: Oh, we’re doing great, Mar.

 

Mariel: Doing well! Tell us about your kids.

 

Robert: Okay, this is Robert. I’ll go ahead and get started. My wife and I have two children. We’ve got an older child, who’s our son. He’s 19 years old, in college. And we also have a daughter, who is 11-going-on-what-seems-to-be-30. But typical preteen angst and everything else that goes along with it in middle school.

 

Mariel: Mmm. 

 

Stephanie: We actually know Robert’s family very well. We’ve been together in our congregation and working on many projects. We’re close. And he’s actually in the same congregation where my parents are in right now—the grandparents of my children. We just love to visit them and I love his children. So, he gave you some basic information there.

 

Mariel: Oh!

 

Robert: She knows more than I do, probably. 

 

Mariel: Well, share with us! Share with us! I didn’t grow up with you guys so I want some of that! For me, I’ve got two kids. I have a son who is six years old and my daughter is nine. And I mean, like you said, Robert, man…she is nine-going-on, maybe like, 99. She’s super mature for her age, super-serious kid.

 

So anyway, just to get to it, we’re talking about prayer today, and as I was doing my research for our podcast before I came in here to talk to you guys. I found out that here in the United States, prayer isn’t something that’s, I would say, embraced nationally, right? Maybe it depends on where you are, geographically. Maybe it’s different, depending on what state you are in; what city you are in. But since the Supreme Court said no more prayers in school in 1963, a lot of Christian sects out there blame this decision for the current “anything goes” atmosphere that’s prevalent in the world, including [an] increase in teen pregnancies, divorce rates, and single-parent families. But for us, for members of the Church Of Christ, we try our best not to be part of those statistics, right? So, how are we passing down this virtue to our kids? 

 

Robert: Prayer is incorporated into the daily lives and daily processes of our kids, and it’s more [than] about just asking for things. It’s about gratitude, I think, more than anything else. You want to start by teaching them that, you know, you don’t only close your eyes and start praying, simply because, “I need to do well in school tomorrow,” or, “Because I really, really want that bike that I’ve been waiting for for years,” or, “I have a problem.” It’s understanding that God is the source of everything that we have.

 

Mariel: Yes, absolutely. 

How to talk to God

Stephanie: Prayer is so profound, so important, so fundamental to a life of a servant of God. And once you start a family, you take on a spouse, you’re already learning how to pray together. You wake up and both those eyes flip open and it’s like, “I’m breathing. My heart is beating.” Isn’t that a beautiful thing? And it’s so fun because those are the a href="https://incmedia.

Picture it: You and your four-year-old are having a great time at the grocery store; picking out fruits and vegetables together, chatting, and counting. All of a sudden, you realize you don’t have enough time to turn the cart around as you approach the tiny, but very visible toy aisle. These are cheap toys, the kind that hurt if you accidentally step on them, the kind that breaks on day three. There are two other carts in the way, and you don’t make a U-turn in time. Your four-year-old makes eye contact with a pack of seven little cars. 



“Can I have those??”



“Sorry, not today. We’re here to buy food. Let’s go look at the cereal!”



Your efforts to distract are not successful this time. Then it begins. A tantrum: eyes filling with tears, fists balled up, the STARE. This situation sounds dramatic, because, to your little best friend wailing in the cart, it feels like the end of the world. 



No matter how many books we may read, nothing will prepare us for dealing with tantrums from our own unique child. Parenting is a game of trial and error, cause and effect. Here are how 3 different families deal with BIG FEELINGS and what to do during a tantrum.

Tips for temper tantrums

Faith and Family team members, Denise, Macy, and Brother Jeff all have children ranging from 10 months to 8 years old. Here are their experiences with dealing with tantrums and working through big feelings: 

Denise





Gideon is 8 and Junee is 4. My children are strong-willed. They get an idea in their head, see it through, and have strong emotions if things get in their way. Unfortunately, it can lead to things getting out of control and frustration for them and their dad, and me. 



It’s been a long process for us to dial back our own emotions and tell ourselves that our kids are not responsible for how we feel. It’s our responsibility to reframe our minds and deal with the situation in a calm way. It’s our kids’ responsibility to learn how to reign in their emotions as well and use their voices to tell us what they need. What never worked was yelling. As humans, even with good intentions, sometimes our feelings get the best of us and we raise our voices. While it may have worked at the moment, because the kids were too stunned to speak, it never worked for us in the long run. Any yelling we did added distrust and fear. 



What does work is addressing their feelings and listening to what they’re trying to express. Usually, they lash out because we’re busy doing something else, and they just want a moment of our time. 



Once, while I was doing laundry, Junee had a meltdown because she wanted to play a game. I asked her to wait and she didn’t want to. I still needed to help her learn patience, so she rode her tantrum out in a safe place in our home. But when I was able to sit with her and let her cry, I told her I understood that she wanted to play, but she needed to wait. I’m still not sure if she understood fully, but she was able to calm down. It turns out that she didn’t even really want to play a game, but wanted my attention, to acknowledge her, or to just sit with her for a moment. Sometimes, there are underlying reasons like that for their big feelings.



My 8-year-old Gideon is the same way, but since he’s older now, he can express himself better when he needs some time to think. My husband and I have taught them to take some time to think and process how they feel. Usually, Gideon will go to his room to cool down and draw or read. When he’s ready to talk, he comes out and everyone is calm after having some time to think.



One thing I repeat to myself is that if my kids are afraid to come to me because they think I’ll yell at them, then what kind of parent am I to them if I can’t be their comfort?

Macy





As a working mother,

Bridging the Cultural Gap [Show open] Mariel Gutierrez: Hi, everyone. You're listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I'm Mariel Gutierrez. Today, we have a mother and daughter on the podcast. Leni Besa: Hi, I'm Leni Besa. And well, I immigrated from the Philippines to the United States way back; I think it was March of 1980. Darlene Alejandro: Hi! I’m Darlene Alejandro, and I was born here in the United States. Mariel: Leni and Darlene have an amazing bond, but with every parent-child relationship, there are ups and downs. According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, “Asian American adolescents, specifically Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Filipino youth, report higher levels of culture conflict with parents than other groups of adolescents (Phinney et al. 2000; Rumbaut 1996).”  Darlene Alejandro: What were your hopes when you left the Philippines? Like, can you tell me about the experience and how you felt when you migrated over to the States? And who did you miss the most just help tell me about your experience moving here? Leni Besa: As a nurse, [I] gained more experience in nursing, expand my knowledge in another country like America. I wanted more financial stability so that in the future, when I decided to get married, probably, which I did, I will be able to provide security and financial stability in my family. I wasn't really lonely at the beginning because we were recruited as a group. When I am by myself, then, of course, yeah, I was lonely because I miss my parents, especially my sister, who I grew up with.Career choice and what it means to be successfulMariel: Another topic discussed was education. According to an NYU psychology publication, ‘The Model Minority’ stereotype presents Asian Americans as valuing hard work and education, despite studies which report that Asian Americans vary widely in their cultural values and level of academic achievement. Darlene Alejandro: I specifically remember the day that I was in my junior year of college.  Leni Besa: Of college, yeah.Darlene Alejandro: And I remember coming home, and I was like, “I don't know what I’m gonna do with this. I want to; I want to do aesthetics.” Leni Besa: Right, right.  Darlene Alejandro: And I wanted to, it was like, and I did all my research on my own, and I came home. And I remember Kuya (“older brother” in Filipino)  was here, and dad was here. And I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to do skin care. I want to go into aesthetics. And the schooling for that was in like two weeks. So that was so from that, yeah, from the day I decided to drop out of college, go to skincare school; that was like two weeks, and I just dropped it on everyone. And I remember Dad was like, “Oh, just let her do it.” And I remember you said you were. I think you're the most concerned because I understand; it was such a quick transition. And, like, there's no certainty in…  Leni Besa: In aesthetics.  Darlene Alejandro: In aesthetics. I mean, it's not the typical, like doctors, lawyers, lawyers, stuff like that. And I remember being frustrated because I knew I wanted to do it; go to beauty school for skin care. And then I remember walking away, and I remember hearing Kuya talk to you like, “As long as she has a plan, it's okay.” Leni Besa: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one correct. Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, like, nurses, when we are talking about, oh, my co-nurse would say, “Oh, yeah, my son is in medicine or so, so. So forth and so forth.

How to Talk to a Teen







[Show open]







Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone. You're listening to the Faith and Family Podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family's life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, I actually have my own daughter with us as we explore how to communicate effectively and why open communication is important, especially as she's growing up and developing into her own person.







Mariel: Oh, my goodness. Hi, Mattea.







Mattea Gutierrez: Hi, Mom. 







Mariel: So Miss Mattea is turning 16 this year. She's going to be a junior in high school. Wow, I can't believe it. And how else would you describe yourself, Mattea? Like, what are you into these days?







Mattea: I'm very into immersing myself in media that I can find on the internet. I really like to read and stuff like that. I'm always at the library of my school, which is really nice. I like to just listen to music, play on bass and guitar. Super, super chill.







Mariel: So how would you describe our relationship, Mattea?







Mattea: We're super, super besties. Yeah, I don't think there's any other way to say it. Of course, we are a mother and daughter, but I think just we're able to talk about a lot of things and I'm able to talk about the most things with you, of course, because I've known you since I was not born yet. And even since then, it's like you knew I loved to dance to Donna Summer when you were pregnant with me. So and then we've had that awesome connection. We know each other very well.







Mariel: That is very true. And we still listen to seventies music and dance around and sing around. In the car, especially when we're driving. Besties indeed. I think that's how I describe us also. But I mean, I think we have balance like bestie/parent balance. Not quite…







Mattea: …like besties only, no limits. Like, we definitely have those moments where it's like we're going to be honest with each other. And then we're just going to, you know, talk about life and help each other out and stuff.







Mariel: Do you, do you ever get startled when I have to turn mom on? Like, Mom mode?







Mattea: It depends on the situation. If I'm aware of the thing that I have to be kind of reminded of. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, you're right. You're right. And of course, I'm going to listen to you because if my mom saying it, then she's right. She knows everything because, you know, mom senses. But for sure, it's helped us, even though it startles me, sometimes it does help us become even more besties, getting to know that stuff.







Parent and teenager communication







Mariel: That's true. And I mean it's kind of proof that I would never lie to you, right? OK, well, we're here to talk about effective parent and teenager communication. Is that you? Based on parenting websites, you and your child are communicating effectively when—OK, here's the list Mattea. OK? So you and your child are communicating effectively when (let's see if we hit these marks): you both feel able to talk freely about your feelings and you feel heard and understood. Do we want to comment on that? What do you think? Do you feel free to talk about your feelings?







Mattea: Yes. Besties.

Present Parenting







Bernie Rosquites: Technology is all around us. The world is so fast-paced and ever-changing. We rely on the internet, our phones, tablets, [and] social media for all the latest news and to keep up with our friends and family. But how do we stay present as parents? How do we spend quality time with our children, and not allow the screen to take over our lives? I'm Bernie Rosquites.







Jewell Buenavista: And I'm Jewell Buenavista, and you're listening to the Faith and Family Podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life.







Bernie: Well, these past two years, the pandemic has been, let's just say just a little bit rough. We've been isolated in the house. We've been working from home, trying to homeschool our children all the while trying not to catch COVID. We've all become so accustomed to relying on our screens, but how do we pivot from our devices to spend quality time with our kids?







Jewell:  Oh, Bernie, that's such a good question. A lot of us get so busy with meetings or tasks, that it's so easy just to stick our kids on our iPads or any electronic device.







Bernie: Absolutely. Right. So, let's have a discussion. We brought on some fellow moms to talk about their ideas of I'm doing air quotes with my fingers—present parenting.







Jewell: Oh, I love this topic. So,  let's welcome Felicia Nofuente. She's a school counselor and mother of three boys. We also have Tracy Nguyen she works from home with two toddlers and finds fun ways to keep them occupied. Welcome, ladies.







Bernie: Hello, ladies.







Felicia: Hi, Thanks for having us.







Bernie: So, you know,  it's obvious. We're all busy moms, right? And I gotta admit, I'm guilty of sometimes sticking my son—not so much in front of the TV, he's 9-about-to-be-10—so for him, it's not so much the TV, it's the Nintendo Switch and the iPad because he's into Roblox right now. You know, when I got something to do, and sometimes it's not even something to do when I just need that—let me give an hour of peace and quiet just to collect my thoughts. I know I'm not the only one right? Please tell me I’m not the only one.







Jewell: So I'm guilty. I'm guilty of everything you just said, Bernie.  So how about you ladies, what's going on in your lives when it comes to dealing with electronics, especially right now?







Tracy: Well, for me, I work from home. So there will be times that you know, PBS or Disney is going to be babysitting my children. But you know, everything comes good in moderation, right? I like to try and justify that, you know, it helps my children develop in grammar and language and speaking and singing a whole lot of singing. But um, yes, it just having it in under, you know, a time limit is what we're aiming for. Learning curves, every day, learning curves. But yes, we're working on this, for sure.







Felicia: I have three kids at different ages, so they all like different things. So my oldest is 12. And then I have a seven-year-old and then a three-year-old. So each is into their own thing. For us, I kind of tried to let go of that guilt because that pandemic time was rough. And I'm an educator, I know what I'm doing, and I still struggled. So even if you are equipped or not equipped, it was still a struggle. So if Nintendo Switch was it or PS4 or whatever it is,

Parenting Children with Special Needs







Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, we have two moms, each with a son born with special needs.







Maribel Aquino: Hi, my name is Maribel Aquino from Pomona, California. I have a three-year-old son named Brennan.







Acelyne Parco Sagabaen: My name is Acelyne Parco Sagabaen from Burlingame, California. My son is Jaxson, and he's one year old.







Mariel: Acelyne’s son, Jaxson was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome during pregnancy, and Maribel’s son, Brennan was diagnosed at birth. Down’s Syndrome is characterized by intellectual and developmental delay due to a chromosomal disorder. Despite these challenges, a growing number of people with DS live independently and are able to find employment.







Life with a special needs child







Maribel: Three words to describe Brennan. Number one, he is brave. He's sociable and diligent. He is brave. Actually looking back, my husband and I were thinking, “There must be a reason why we named him Brennan because the meaning of this name is brave.” Brennan is sociable. He gives a hug to everyone he meets. He lights up the room with the sweetest smile. And Brennan is diligent. Until now has been receiving therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and then now speech therapy. And he works so hard and he doesn't complain.







Acelyne: Three words to describe Jaxson. Jaxson is strong, and loving, and mellow. Maribel, what's a fear that you had when you first found out about Brennan's diagnosis? And looking back what would you tell your old self about that fear?







Maribel: More than anything else, I feared for his health, and I feared for his life. You know, those unanticipated health issues. When we learned about his congenital heart defect, we were so scared. And looking back, what will I tell myself, I will tell myself that everything will be okay. Learn to let go and let God take control of everything. And everything will be okay. I remember where during NICU (newborn intensive care unit) days hospital stays, I kept telling myself: “Nothing God gives that we cannot handle.” I kept on repeating those words in my mind. And it helped me get through all those difficult situations.







Acelyne: I had fears of—I had a lot of fears when I found out about Jaxson's diagnosis, like, I had fears that people wouldn't include him or love him just because he had a disability, like, I was so scared that people would leave him out. And I also had fears of having the ability to care for a child with a special with special needs, because I  had no idea how to care for someone with special needs. I've never been in that situation. I also had fears of having enough time and resources because before being a mom, I felt like I had no time, or I didn't have enough time for myself. So when I found out about his diagnosis, I kept thinking like, how am I going to take him to his appointments? How am I going to take care of him? And how do we have enough financial resources to bring him to all these specialists and doctors?