Good day, monsterbators! Today’s episode is a little different. Due to circumstances of the coronavirus, Matt and Bret offer you two stories from isolation. Matt reads “Pass Times,” in which an all-American boy born to the wrong era is thrilled to find an ice cream truck, an ice cream truck that is not only also out of its own time, but out of its own world. Then we need to issue a parental advisory for explicit content for Bret’s satirical tale, “The Future Is Boned, or: Why Did the...

Today on MP: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast: "Cupid: Bringer of Dreams, Maker of Nightmares" by Bret Norwood! A primordial force re-emerges during a university field trip to the museum, an entity that could humble the Olympian gods, to whom the mightiest men are but toys...Behold the highest horror, a terror beyond the reach of Titans...Cupid. But first, Bret comes-to in a strange, wet place...in isolation...The King Quest is interrupted, but sometimes the King comes to *you*...The Corn...

Today on MP: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast: “Cupid: Bringer of Dreams, Maker of Nightmares” by Bret Norwood! A primordial force re-emerges during a university field trip to the museum, an entity that could humble the Olympian gods, to whom the mightiest men are but toys…Behold the highest horror, a terror beyond the reach of Titans…Cupid. But first, Bret comes-to in a strange, wet place…in isolation…The King Quest is interrupted, but sometimes the King comes to *you*…The Corn is...

Matt Cummins brings you body horror in today's feature, "The Battle of the Bulge!" Max isn't convinced about his wife Lizzie's desire to have another kid. He also isn't sure about the squat little fertility goddess she's placed on the nightstand and to which the kids have mysteriously decided to start leaving offerings...Warning: this episode is graphic! It starts with homegrown c-cups and ends with a homemade c-section today on Monster Porn! But first, Matt continues to drag Bret and...

Matt Cummins brings you body horror in today’s feature, “The Battle of the Bulge!” Max isn’t convinced about his wife Lizzie’s desire to have another kid. He also isn’t sure about the squat little fertility goddess she’s placed on the nightstand and to which the kids have mysteriously decided to start leaving offerings…Warning: this episode is graphic! It starts with homegrown c-cups and ends with a homemade c-section today on Monster Porn! But first, Matt continues to drag Bret and...

Today on Monster Porn: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast: it's barbarian fantasy with "The Heart Where Once Was a Hole" by Bret Norwood, introducing the barbarian Wroth. In this sword and sorcery fiction, Wroth the barbarian seeks roots in a foreign, civilized country and accepts work from an alluring sorceress...but the work is not what was advertised! But first, Matt, Bret, and Puggles remain on their road trip quest to investigate a mystery at Stephen King's Maine home. A truck stop...

Today on Monster Porn: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast: it’s barbarian fantasy with “The Heart Where Once Was a Hole” by Bret Norwood, introducing the barbarian Wroth. In this sword and sorcery fiction, Wroth the barbarian seeks roots in a foreign, civilized country and accepts work from an alluring sorceress…but the work is not what was advertised! But first, Matt, Bret, and Puggles remain on their road trip quest to investigate a mystery at Stephen King’s Maine home. A truck stop...

Matt drags Bret and Puggles on a quest to see the King--one Mr. Stephen King--and prove the conspiracy to ruin Matt's career as a horror author! Who is Joe Hill and does he have a belly button? Will they leave Salem's Lot with a used car? All this and the military horror story "For Your Service" by Matt Cummins on today's episode of Monster Porn: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast. Veteran Alex returns from Iraq and, like many, finds it difficult to settle back into civilian life...The...

Matt drags Bret and Puggles on a quest to see the King–one Mr. Stephen King–and prove the conspiracy to ruin Matt’s career as a horror author! Who is Joe Hill and does he have a belly button? Will they leave Salem’s Lot with a used car? All this and the military horror story “For Your Service” by Matt Cummins on today’s episode of Monster Porn: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast. Veteran Alex returns from Iraq and, like many, finds it difficult to settle back into civilian life…The demonic...

Monster Porn presents science fiction (with a dash of horror) in "The Cow in Reverse" by Bret Norwood. A dropship lands on Allworld containing ten dozen listless, serene guests from the star system called "The Rose." As Allworld displays its hospitality for the visitors, and through the search for signs of an alien intelligence among them capable of having built and piloted the ship, it becomes clear that the Roseans did not send themselves. But then...who did, and why? This is a science...

Monster Porn presents science fiction (with a dash of horror) in “The Cow in Reverse” by Bret Norwood. A dropship lands on Allworld containing ten dozen listless, serene guests from the star system called “The Rose.” As Allworld displays its hospitality for the visitors, and through the search for signs of an alien intelligence among them capable of having built and piloted the ship, it becomes clear that the Roseans did not send themselves. But then…who did, and why? This is a science...

Monster Porn presents a weird wampus cat of the West in the horror story "Ghost Cat" by Bret Norwood. Brooklyn is about to graduate high school and embark on her adult life, but her father bought a house on the site of a massacre from the Indian Wars, and now there's a peculiar puma pacing along the ridge in the evening... "Ghost Cat" transposes the Southern wampus cat to the West, and makes it a little more sinister for this horror story. Please note that the story is intended neither to be...

Monster Porn presents a weird wampus cat of the West in the horror story “Ghost Cat” by Bret Norwood. Brooklyn is about to graduate high school and embark on her adult life, but her father bought a house on the site of a massacre from the Indian Wars, and now there’s a peculiar puma pacing along the ridge in the evening… “Ghost Cat” transposes the Southern wampus cat to the West, and makes it a little more sinister for this horror story. Please note that the story is intended neither to be...

Get your tinfoil hats and sex robots ready 'cause we're going to bunker down for doomsday in this post-apocalyptic episode, "10qt" by Matt Cummins. In this sci-fi horror satire, you may notice that the day after tomorrow looks a little like the day before tomorrow. If you enjoy Monster Porn, I mean this podcast, make sure you're subscribed and PLEASE leave MP a review on Apple Podcasts. You can also visit the official MP store at MonsterPornPodcast.com/store! Check out War & Horses, the...

Get your tinfoil hats and sex robots ready ’cause we’re going to bunker down for doomsday in this post-apocalyptic episode, “10qt” by Matt Cummins. In this sci-fi horror satire, you may notice that the day after tomorrow looks a little like the day before tomorrow. If you enjoy Monster Porn, I mean this podcast, make sure you’re subscribed and PLEASE leave MP a review on Apple Podcasts. You can also visit the official MP store at MonsterPornPodcast.com/store! Check out War & Horses,...

In "Pastoress: Midnight Mass," Naomi shuns the Pastoress following the tragic ending of "Whosoever Believeth," and the Pastoress goes alone to investigate a quarry when things go sideways. BUT FIRST LET'S SLEIGH SANTA! Welcome to Monster Porn. Make sure you're subscribed on your preferred app, and if you love the show be sure to leave MP a review on Apple Podcasts. Check out the Monster Porn Store at monsterPornPodcast.com/store where you can find t-shirts, phone cases, stickers, the Moms...

In “Pastoress: Midnight Mass,” Naomi shuns the Pastoress following the tragic ending of “Whosoever Believeth,” and the Pastoress goes alone to investigate a quarry when things go sideways. BUT FIRST LET’S SLEIGH SANTA! Welcome to Monster Porn. Make sure you’re subscribed on your preferred app, and if you love the show be sure to leave MP a review on Apple Podcasts. Check out the Monster Porn Store at monsterPornPodcast.com/store where you can find t-shirts, phone cases, stickers, the...

Today, Monster Porn presents...uh, the closest thing to actual monster porn we've possibly run to-date. In the weird sci-fi story, "Sucker" by Bret Norwood, it's like the acclaimed film The Arrival, but it's the smut knock-off of the same. Please note, when you listen to this episode, that we're not necessarily saying the mandrake crybabies are *wrong* about Disney Star Wars... If you enjoy this interstellar tentacle action, be sure you're subscribed and please leave a review on Apple...

Today, Monster Porn presents…uh, the closest thing to actual monster porn we’ve possibly run to-date. In the weird sci-fi story, “Sucker” by Bret Norwood, it’s like the acclaimed film The Arrival, but it’s the smut knock-off of the same. Please note, when you listen to this episode, that we’re not necessarily saying the mandrake crybabies are *wrong* about Disney Star Wars… If you enjoy this interstellar tentacle action, be sure you’re subscribed and please leave a review on Apple...

With Matt out for Thanksday weekend, Bret goes rogue with the super short horror story “A Text in the Dark.” Ever get a text from a wrong number and then get murdered by a creep? I hate it when that happens. Thanks for listening, monsterbators! Sorry for announcing my own name four or five times in twelve minutes. I swear I’m not that full of myself. Well, wait, if I wasn’t full of myself who would I be full of?! If you enjoy horror fiction, weird fiction, bizarro, thrillers, etc. be...

If you had to explain school shootings to an alien, what would you say? Monster Porn: Weird Fiction & Horror Podcast presents “Pastoress: the Hesychast” by Bret Norwood. The cassocked killer from beyond the stars returns to face a more terrestrial sort of horror in this Lovecraftian meditation on mass murder. Stay tuned, because Pastoress will return soon to continue the story of Naomi’s struggle against the darkness of Ota Asenash. Meanwhile, returned from Dinosaur Erotica Island,...

Today on Monster Porn: Escape from Dinosaur Erotica Island!! For our feature, Bret reads “Spanglepuss” by Josh Holton, a cartoon horror romp with everybody’s favorite man-cat buddy (that they just met), Spanglepuss, cat o’ the dump! If you enjoy weird weird fiction, bizarro, or magical tales of friendship, you’ll enjoy this one, monsterbators! With apologies to Josh for replacing all his UK-isms with Americanisms. Follow Josh Holton on Twitter: @JHoltonWriter. Learn more about Josh at...

A father musters the courage to meet the adult daughter he abandoned. He finds she’s made a success of her life, but how much does she remember? Does she remember what led to her mother’s death? Does she remember her mother’s shocking decline? Does she remember the shadow hanging spider-like from the corner of the ceiling? Does she know about the sins of her father? Monster Porn presents “Excuse Me, but I Need Your Face” by Matt Cummins. If you enjoy Monster Porn, be sure to subscribe and...

Happy Halloween week! Today, Monster Porn offers up another serving of werewolf horror in “Hunter’s Moon,” the sequel to last year’s Halloween episode, MP010 – “November Moon.” When two teens venture out into the woods to execute a Halloween prank, they encounter a wounded werewolf and learn, firsthand, about a war between ancient entities. So grab a buddy, eat him, and enjoy today’s werewolf buffet. If you cannot stop hearing us in your head even when you are sleeping despite all the...

This episode brought to you by the People’s Republic of China. Thank you, Mr. Secretary General for sponsoring this content. Matt Cummins brings you pulp horror just in time for Halloween with “Invasion of the Slorchers,” an adolescent battle against sexy plant zombie-vampires. “Invasion of the Slorchers” follows MP004 – “Two-Sided Sarah” and MP014 – “Return to Burnwood,” though neither is strictly required to enjoy today’s story. If you love Monster Porn, be sure to subscribe on your...