Alright buffaloes, get ready for a recap that'll rip you a new orifice. It's the ultimate mash-up of a naive first-timer and a cheesy egotist: John Woo and Jean-Claude Van Damme! Let's not forget the charming Arnold Vosloo, the gravely Lance Henriksen, the one and only Wilford I-Can-Smell-Dem Brimley, and a mullet so wet it'll make a snake's mouth ache. *MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD*