Relationship Truth: Unfiltered Leslie Vernick

RESOURCES:
Leslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start
If you'd like to ask a question for a future "Ask Leslie" episode, go to www.leslievernick.com/askleslie Questions in this episode:

Doesn’t there have to be infidelity, domestic violence or abandonment as a reason for divorce? 

What does it mean to detach and can I detach from my husband who shows contempt for me and dismisses my feelings and needs
How is empathy different from people pleasing?
What is a narcissist and how do we appropriately use this term?
What does chronic indifference look like in a relationship?
 

In this profoundly moving episode, Julie Sedenko welcomes Rachel, a mentor in the Conquer program, who has courageously navigated her way through a tumultuous marriage, a grueling custody battle, and significant health challenges. Rachel shares her personal story of survival and resilience, offering hope and guidance to those facing their own adversities.

RESOURCES:
Dr. Alison Cook
I Shouldn't Feel This Way
"The Best of You" Podcast
Lesllie's Quick Start Guide
I. Story: Understanding Emotional Triggers A. Example of anger towards adult child B. Framing emotions: Is it about the other person, oneself, God, or circumstances? C. Importance of recognizing the source of emotions
II. Three Practices for Emotional Health A. Naming Emotions 1. Recognizing and labeling feelings without judgment 2. Importance of self-awareness and emotional vocabulary
B. Framing Emotions 1. Understanding the context and underlying causes of emotions 2. Examining personal responsibility and perspective
C. Braving Action 1. Taking intentional steps based on emotional understanding 2. Balancing discernment and action in response to emotions
III. Selfhood and Agency in Relationships A. Acknowledging personal needs and boundaries B. Exploring societal and Christian expectations for women C. Embracing selfhood as essential for healthy relationships
IV. Recognizing Self-Gaslighting A. Identifying invalidation of personal experiences B. Cultivating self-trust and authenticity C. Partnering with God's discernment in navigating emotions
V. Benefits for Spiritual and Psychological Growth A. Integration of faith and psychology in emotional healing B. Understanding the role of emotions and the body in spiritual life C. Tools for self-compassion and emotional resilience
This episode delves into practical strategies for emotional discernment, emphasizing self-awareness, framing emotions, and taking intentional action. It highlights the importance of embracing selfhood and offers tools for self-compassion and growth, regardless of one's spiritual beliefs.

RESOURCESwww.leslievernick.comSuicide and crisis hotline: 988

Challenges in Recognizing Unsafe Relationships
Dismissing Own Feelings and Needs
Fear of Confronting Truth About Relationship Dynamics


Addressing Misguided Advice
Forgiveness and Forgetting
Importance of Remembering Past Actions for Setting Boundaries
Illustration: Story of the Songwriter Behind "Amazing Grace"
Understanding Need for Repentance and Growth

Maintenance vs. Repair Work in Relationships
Analogy: House Maintenance and Repair
Necessity of Addressing Trust and Safety Issues Before Other Issues
Recognizing Difference Between Maintenance Tasks and Repair Work



Understanding Individual Capacity and Emotional Management
Importance of Self-Awareness in Managing Emotions
Recognizing Emotional Capacity and Limitations
Analogies: Understanding Emotional Capacity Through Everyday Examples


Taking Ownership of Personal Growth
Individual Responsibility for Personal Development
Importance of Prioritizing Self-Care and Emotional Well-Being
Recognizing When Individual Work is Necessary Before Addressing Relationship Issues


Seeking Help and Support
Encouragement to Seek Professional Guidance and Support
Highlighting Available Resources for Personal Growth and Relationship Support
Empowerment to Prioritize Personal Growth and Safety in Relationships
 

Setting Boundaries and Prioritizing Self-Care
1. Introduction to Boundaries
Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships and self-respect.
Understanding the importance of boundaries in various aspects of life.
2. Recognizing Boundary Violations
Signs of boundary violations include feeling drained, disrespected, or overwhelmed.
Identifying situations where boundaries are being crossed and acknowledging the need for change.
3. Establishing Boundaries
The importance of clear communication when setting boundaries.
Examples of effective boundary-setting phrases 
4. Dealing with Criticism
Addressing criticism that may arise when implementing boundaries.
Seeking support from understanding individuals who respect your journey.
5. Respecting Yourself
Embracing self-respect and understanding that boundaries are not selfish but necessary for personal growth.
Recognizing and valuing your uniqueness and individual needs.
6. Knowing Yourself
The importance of self-awareness in establishing and maintaining boundaries.
Understanding your preferences, limitations, and values to make informed decisions.

RESOURCES:Find Joel Muddamalle's books and more at: www.muddamalle.com Find Leslie's books, programs, and more at: www.leslievernick.com Find Lysa Terkeurst and the Therapy and Theology podcast: www.lysaterkeurst.com/therapy-and-theology I. Introduction: Setting the Stage
Acknowledging the complexity and sensitivity surrounding the issue of divorce and the Bible
II. Interpreting Malachi 2:16
Analysis of the New King James Version's interpretation of Malachi 2:16
Emphasis on the importance of understanding cultural context and nuances in translation
Addressing misconceptions and criticism regarding biblical interpretation
III. Unpacking the Statement "God Hates Divorce"
Clarification of the implications of a unilateral statement from God
Discussion on the potential impact on individuals experiencing divorce
Emphasis on the need for a nuanced understanding of biblical teachings
IV. Marriage, Divorce, and Biblical Context
Examination of Exodus 21 and implications for marriage and divorce
Discussion on the complexity of marital relationships and divine understanding
Exploration of the New Testament teachings on divorce, particularly Jesus' response to the Pharisees
V. Understanding the Cultural and Historical Context
Insights into the debate between the Hillel and Shammai camps regarding divorce
Analysis of Jesus' response to the Pharisees and its cultural implications
Consideration of Paul's teachings on divorce and remarriage
VI. Pastoral and Ethical Implications
Reflection on the pastoral responsibilities in addressing divorce and marriage issues
Advocacy for seeking specialized help and guidance in dealing with complex marital situations
Emphasis on the importance of theological honesty and discernment in interpreting scripture
VII. Encouragement and Final Words
Affirmation of God's love and care for individuals, particularly women
Encouragement to uphold one's dignity and worth as children of God
Call to discernment, prayer, and reliance on the Holy Spirit in understanding biblical truths.