Self-Coaching Dr. Joe Luciani

Do you feel you have to have all the answers? To always be right? Do you treat your feelings as if they are unassailable facts? If so, it may be time to reflect on whether you may be too opinionated. Obviously, we all have opinions, but when you refuse to accept that someone else’s differing point of view might have merit, you are being driven not by your own perceptions but by insecurity.Opinionated people create a black-and-white word where ambiguity is eliminated. Insecurity abhors ambiguity; when insecurity fuels our perceptions, we have the illusion of absolute certainty. It’s an arrogant posture that often leaves others fleeing from your company. Why? Because opinionated people not only diminish others but are often perceived as bullies.Join me in the Self-Coaching episode and decide if you need to reflect on whether you may be coming across as too rigid and opinionated.

Most have experienced mountain-out-of-mole-hill thinking, what psychologists call catastrophizing. That’s when something goes awry in our lives, and we immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion. More often than not, we leap to this anxious conclusion with minimal objective reason to despair. Even when a situation isn’t dire, we still feel like we’re in a doom-and-gloom crisis. When caught up in catastrophic thinking, it’s not pleasant. You have racing thoughts; you begin to feel overwhelmed and out of control; you bombard yourself with pessimism and negativity; you feel like you’re emotionally suffocating…Phew!







In the Self-Coaching episode, I discuss the nature of mountain-out-of-molehill thinking and why treating it as a habit of insecurity is a way to deal with life’s challenges in a more healthy, less neurotic way. With a Self-Coaching approach, you never have to feel swept away by a catastrophic meltdown.

We all overthink at times; research suggests that 73% of 25- to 35-year-olds and 52% of people over 45 chronically overthink. Although not a mental illness, overthinking has the potential to not only ruin your day but, more seriously, become the foundation and fuel of anxiety, depression, and all emotional struggles.







In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss three types of overthinking: rumination, future tripping, and overanalyzing. Aside from circumstantial difficulties, like losing your wallet, twisting your ankle, or getting a call from the IRS, getting caught up in a habit of overthinking is an emotionally destructive habit that can be broken.

If life, in fact, were fair, then no one would ever suffer from an injustice, no good and decent person would ever be mugged, and no one’s reasonable expectations would ever be denied. Clearly, life isn’t always fair. We know this, well, kind of, but when we do experience unfairness or even cruelty, why do we cry, “This shouldn’t happen to me, it’s not fair”? Despite our objective view of the world, we cling to a more primitive expectation—an expectation of fairness.In this Self-Coaching episode, join me as I explore this intriguing concept of fairness in order to embrace a more realistic approach to life’s inevitable challenges.

My high school biology teacher taught me that humans avoid pain and seek pleasure. I agree with this, but I would like to add another human imperative: we like to be in control and don’t like feeling vulnerable. Because of habits of insecurity, many feel constantly out of control and vulnerable in their day-to-day lives. And lacking the psychological maturity and self-trust necessary to handle life, they, ostrich-like, look for ways to escape.







In this Self-Coaching episode, I discuss seven ‘ostrich’ behaviors that will prevent you from taking full responsibility for your challenges, leaving us often suffering from emotional struggles.

We humans undoubtedly just want to feel safe in life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel safe and less vulnerable, but when primitive, reflexive habits of insecurity (a.k.a. the Child Reflex) steer our lives, then there’s an inevitable price to pay—emotional struggle.







In this follow-up to last week’s Self-Coaching episode, I dig deeper into three compensatory expressions that get us in trouble: the Star, the Fanatic, and the Control Freak. Join me as I explore these expressions, and don’t be surprised if you find some aspect of these perfectionistic-compulsive (PC) qualities in your own personality.