Episodes
In this episode, we dive into how marriage is simple but difficult, and emphasize the importance of honest conversations. Then we move into the main focus of the episode -- an email from a husband who feels that his wife wants to be wanted but doesn't want to want. There are complexities of desire discrepancy and sexual frustration in every marriage. So waht do we do with them? We also touch on the vulnerability and shame associated with discussing sexuality and the deeper parts of...
Published 03/27/24
Published 03/27/24
In this conversation, Tripp Lanier joins me as we discuss the importance of self-reflection, understanding self, and overcoming resistance. We explore the impact of scripts, narratives, and parts in our lives and the need to integrate different aspects of ourselves. Our conversation also dives into the balance between love and boundaries in relationships and the power of acceptance and forgiveness. We wrap up by discussing the importance of taking personal responsibility for our...
Published 03/20/24
In this conversation, I'm joined by Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Faccio from Decoding Couples. We have a great conversation about the transition from normal married life to intimacy, the importance of creating margin, and the different desire levels in a relationship. We also explore the role of initiation and rejection in sexual activity, as well as the significance of character and emotional intimacy. Our conversation emphasizes the importance of communication, playfulness, and...
Published 03/13/24
In this episode, in recognition of this being episode 666, we go a bit dark and discuss the concept of normal marital sadism (a term coined by Dr David Schnarch), which refers to the intentional infliction of pain, cruelty, and hurt within a marriage. We explore various examples of normal marital sadism, such as poking fun at and embarrassing a spouse, lying to inflict pain, restricting the autonomy of your spouse, and manipulating them to establish compliance or gain dominance. Our...
Published 03/06/24
In this conversation, Dr Laurie Watson joins me as we discuss the dynamics of relationships and how they can impact sexual intimacy. We explore the misconceptions and expectations that couples often bring into therapy, as well as the triggers and defensive mechanisms that can lead to negative cycles. We also discuss the importance of recognizing patterns and understanding attachment styles in order to create healthier relationships. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the need for...
Published 02/28/24
This week we discuss the impact of trauma on reactions and responses in marriage. An email from a listener points out she felt that trauma was not adequately addressed last week. We explore more how both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. We also discuss the importance of regaining a sense of safety in the relationship and the need for both partners to work on themselves.  Takeaways Both partners are...
Published 02/21/24
Today let's explore the impact of reactions and perceptions in relationships, specifically in the context of discovering pornography usage. There are lots of complexities with the aspects of honesty, trustworthiness, fear, and shame. Like how others perceive us, the importance of acknowledging others, the reactions to the discovery of pornography usage, motivations for lying, managing fear and shame, breaking the cycle of fear and reaction, recognizing the scripts we carry forward, and...
Published 02/14/24
In this conversation, I'm joined by Jason Van Ruler as we discuss the importance of addressing past wounds and traumas in order to move forward in life and relationships. We talk about the concept of scripts and how our past experiences shape the narratives we tell ourselves.  Learn more about Jason here - https://www.jasonvr.com/ Takeaways Addressing past wounds and traumas is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. Scripts, formed by past experiences,...
Published 02/07/24
In today's episode of Sexy Marriage Radio,  we discuss the truth about pressures in marriage and sex. We explore the dynamics of power distribution in sexual relationships and the responsibility each partner has for their own pleasure. We also dive into the impact of how we relate to our sexuality and the importance of facing responsibility and making conscious choices. The overall goal? Have open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship and to take ownership of your...
Published 01/31/24
In today's episode, we continue the discussion on the topic of mercy sex and the pressures and obligations that can arise in marriage. Let's explore the impact of religious beliefs and family of origin on sexuality, and the importance of peeling away layers and developing new ones to create a more fulfilling sex life. So what are the practical steps for dealing with pressure and obligation, shifting responsibility, and finding your voice? Takeaways Pressure and obligation can...
Published 01/24/24
In this conversation, John Eldredge joins me as we discuss the impact of busyness and unhealed trauma on relationships. John brings up the concept of inner ages and how unresolved childhood trauma can surface in adult relationships. It is important to create space for our younger selves and having honest conversations about the needs and fears that arise. We also discuss the fragility of the world and how it can affect individuals and relationships.  Learn more from John here -...
Published 01/17/24
In this episode, we discuss the concept of mercy sex in a marriage. What are the  characteristics of mercy sex and the impact it has on both the lower desire and higher desire spouses? We also discuss the pressure to have sex and how it affects the dynamics of a relationship. As well as a discussion on how to move from mercy sex to freely chosen sex, where both spouses are actively participating and enjoying the experience. Takeaways Mercy sex is characterized by a lack of...
Published 01/10/24
In this episode, we address some of the  feedback from last week's episode about a husband losing attraction to his wife. We explore the impact of such revelations on men and women - is there a difference in how it impacts each gender - and we explore the concept of facing dilemmas and making choices in relationships. The key here is the importance of self-validation and differentiation in personal growth. That is the best way to achieve relational growth as well. Takeaways Accept...
Published 01/03/24
In today's episode, we dive into a listener's question about a lack of desire in her marriage. After working through the Our Intimate Choices worksheet, the husband shared he has no desire or attraction towards his wife. What does she do now? It's important she faces the truth of the system and begins recognizing the underlying dynamics. In this process it is imperative she recognizes the importance of separating self-worth from a spouse's opinion and works to make choices that align...
Published 12/27/23
The 2024 Sexy Marriage Radio Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... Natalie Hickson joins me as she shares her mission of helping moms overcome anger and anxiety in motherhood and marriage. We discuss the challenges of transitioning into parenthood and the triggers that can lead to destructive anger. Natalie emphasizes the importance of recognizing and expressing anger in a healthy way, and she dives into the SIT and PRAY method. We also explore the...
Published 12/20/23
Today we discuss the topic of flirting in relationships. Plus, let's explore the concept of 'good naked' and 'bad naked' and how it can impact erotic energies. It is important to maintain energy and tension in your relationship. One way to do this is through the process of flirting with your spouse. How you ask? We go over several tips today - including being congruent with who you are, using playful teasing, complimenting each other, and showing genuine interest. We also discuss the...
Published 12/13/23
Today we discuss the Our Intimate Choices worksheet, a communication tool designed to facilitate conversations about boundaries, preferences, and comfort levels in a couple's sex life. We also touch on holiday etiquette and the role of sex toys as stocking stuffers. It is important to have open and honest communication in marriage and the benefits of using tools like the Our Intimate Choices worksheet can enhance both intimacy and understanding between spouses. Takeaways Be aware of...
Published 12/06/23
Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... Today we revisit a segment from the archives - A wife wants to know more how to help her husband and his struggle with pornography usage. A husband wants to know how to talk about sex more with his wife - who was raised by her grandfather and never taught anything about the subject, even how to talk about it. On...
Published 11/29/23
The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. Everyone gets the full show ... We revisit a conversation with Dr Emily Nagoski, about how sex works in your brain. There is updated science, so she updated her work. What changed? Listen to find out. Learn more about Dr Nogowski here - https://www.emilynagoski.com/ Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... Honeylove: Get Up to 60% OFF @honeylove by going to https://honeylove.com/passion!...
Published 11/22/23
The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... I'm joined by Bill Nelson, a Certified Financial Planner and Certified Financial Therapist.  We dive into the world of money and marriage and meanings.  Learn more about Bill here - https://pacesetterplanning.com/ On the Xtended Version ... Pam and I discuss our take our takeaways from the conversation with Bill. It's all about the meanings of things - not the things. Enjoy...
Published 11/15/23
Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... I'm joined my Dr Glenn and Phyllis Hill as we walk through their marriage tool for deeper connection and conversation.  You can learn more about the Connection Codes and pick up the 4 Minute Tool here - https://connectioncodes.co/passionatelymarried  On the Xtended Version ... Pam and I discuss our take on the...
Published 11/08/23
Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.passionatelymarried.net The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... Why do people get married? Let's explore several reasons and motivations. Plus, what do we most often expect from our marriage and life as it pertains to others? On the Xtended Version ... Can you marry the wrong person? Is this even the best question to ask? Enjoy the show! Sponsors...
Published 11/01/23
Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.passionatelymarried.net The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now. On the Regular Version ... Apologies are a part of every life and relationship. But what about the times when we think we're apologizing but we're really not? We listen into a recent mastermind group call where the guys are talking about saying I'm sorry and addressing the hurt. On the Xtended Version ... We unpack the...
Published 10/25/23
Everyone gets both versions again ... Today we revisit a conversation from the archives. I’m joined by colleague Dr Jennifer Finlayson-Fife and we talk about the marriages where everything seems to be great – except in one area. What’s happening here? Plus, how do you address resentment in marriage and life? Learn more about Dr Jennifer here – https://www.finlayson-fife.com/ Enjoy the show! Sponsors ... HoneyLove: Get 20% OFF @honeylove + Free Shipping at...
Published 10/18/23