This week on Little Bald on the Prairie, tune in for a very special episode that the whole family will enjoy. When lying-ass Nellie falls from Laura Ingalls' beloved horse Bunny, that little potato-faced humpty b*tch fakes paralysis rather than simply admit that she's profoundly bad at riding a horse. When Bunny is scheduled to be destroyed at the local glue factory, little Laura Ingalls assumes the hero's mantle and shoves Nellie's wheelchair down a friggin' mountain! In the end, Laura shows...

Recorded live in the famed "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" capital city of Virginia, please join us for a cordial evening of spirited conversation about art, politics, and culture. After the dessert course, we shall retire to the parlour for a snifter of cognac and a lively debate about the finer points of testicular-grooming, Timothée Chalamet's bird-like features, and wired nipples. To try America's #1 Meal Kit, go to https://GreenChef.com/BALD50 and use code BALD50 to get 50% off, plus...

Behold, everyone's favorite Drag Race Season 16 faux-villain: Plane Jane! With her shared Boston roots and actual Russian ancestry, she is essentially the little sister of Katya everyone loves to faux-hate. From hot takes on Dune 2 to an affinity for Eastern European glam-pop, get ready for a Bald interview filled with tense smiles, deliciously-awkward pauses, and eventually a genuinely heart-warming bonding experience that will leave you with a restored faith in humanity. There’s no more...

In a world where fashion knows no boundaries, comes a story of self-discovery, unexpected transformations, and erotic culinary adventures. When Jack Huntley is about to lose his old-school diner to a landlord who wants a fancy new restaurant led by a celebrity female chef, he decides to take things into his own hands and become that female chef. With a blonde bouffant wig, 6-inch stilettos, and eyelashes as long as the Florida panhandle, Jack transforms into Jacqueline, the hottest chef in...

When a Paramus, New Jersey Van Heusen factory outlet is taken over by a vicious gang of black-market avocado dealers from British Columbia, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to stand up to the criminals and save those business-casual khakis! This Summer, robbing a boomer sportswear company isn't going to be as easy as shooting fish in a barrel. It's Paul Blart: Mall Carp to the rescue! There’s no more shame in your gut game. Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide, your...

Welcome to Trixie & Katya's Le Poupée Spa, located in a gorgeously-restored halfway house in the beating heart of urine-soaked Hollywood. Forget your hideous spouse, your under-achieving children, and that rash on your inner thigh that simply won't go away, and let yourself slide into blissful relaxation with a massage that was created by six of Moldova's top massage therapists (including eight-time Eastern European Gluteus Maximus Massage of the Year champion Tatiana Svetlana...

We are proud to partner this week with the Anti Phone-Shaming League of North America to bring you a very important message: you, dear listeners, are so much more than your phone. Do you have an iPhone X? An iPhone SE? Or even an Android? You're not alone. We are here for you. We want you to know that you are loved, appreciated, and your self-worth is about so much more than that thin piece of glass and aluminum in your pocket. As you lay down tonight in your parents' basement on your...

We here at BALD, LLC, including our main counsel Henry Z. Winkleschmiggens IV, Esq., would like to take this opportunity to clear the air regarding the rampant online rumors surrounding Trixie Mattel and Helen Hunt's fictional father in 1996's epic action movie Twister. Is Dr. Jo Harding's father, who was literally sucked into a massive tornado whilst trying to hold a makeshift shelter's door closed in 1969, actually Trixie Mattel's father? If true, that would mean that Trixie is Helen Hunt's...

Does our art threaten you? Does it make you completely reconsider your physical existence? Does it make you stop and question the status quo and stop sleepwalking through life like a sheep? Does it make you feel weird and nervous and uncomfortable and unsure if your houseplants want to murder you? Does it set fire to your neat little sphere of influence to the point where you cease knowing what is real and imagined? Good. Sit in that discomfort and let your soul marinate in the chaotic power...

Do you love Trixie and Katya with all your heart? Would you like to find a club of other humans who share your affinity for these two remarkable queens? Well now you can! Sign up for the official "The Dolls are the Dolls Fan Club" to join an elite group of fabulous individuals who are super-duper extra special! Exclusive membership benefits include: An official non-laminated "I'm a Doll" Membership Card that could arrive in the mail, or maybe not! An annual newsletter written not by Trixie or...

As the morning sunshine warms my bare bottom and my feet feel the cool chill of the kitchen tile, I reach into the freezer. A blast of cold air greets me, turning my nipples so hard I could dial an iPhone. As a shiver pleasantly travels south from my torso to my abdomen to the very tip of my sheathed sword, I saunter to the counter where I insert a blueberry-kissed waffle into the tight, dark, chrome-covered hole of my toaster. A gentle cloud of warmth emanates from the glowing steel rods...

Please prepare your mind, body, and soul for Trixie's delightful chat with stand-up comedian, actress, makeup mogul, and Daily Show correspondent; the eminently-hilarious Dulcé Sloan! From plane-travel safety tips to in-depth kimchi reviews to African mammal facts, this episode is a once-in-a-lifetime journey through an enchanted forest populated solely by colossal smiles and rapturous glee. Follow Dulce: @Dulce Sloan and head to https://www.dulcesloan.com for tour dates! Start all your...

'Twas the night before Christmas, and the house was filled with holly berry stench. Bianca Del Rio was headed to Surrey, to have dinner with Dame Judi Dench. The car service was booked, excitement hung in the air, but little did she know, a tiny airborne virus was also there. As the Covid test came back positive, and she had to cancel her trip, all she could murmur was, "Well this is some utter bullsh*t." To check out Bianca's Dead Inside tour dates, go to:...

Hi, Deborah. Thanks so much for taking the time to have a one-on-one with me this morning. I know that 8am Zooms can be logistically difficult, but Sheila from accounting pinged me yesterday, and per our post-mortem with Ted from the regional office, I wanted to stop herding cats and prevent this whole team from becoming a dumpster fire. As it turns out, we've identified multiple pain points in regards to your core competencies, and we simply can't see a clear route to going-to-market with so...

As the world prepares for the beauty, grace, and raw athleticism of the 2024 Summer Olympics in Paris, we are so proud to have had the honor of working with talented Los Angeles director, cinematographer, and exotic animal trainer Simone Biles. She has graciously taken a little bit of time off from her life as a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright and 57-time Academy Award-winning costume designer to help produce this episode of Bald with the unadulterated embodiment of joy that is Bob the Drag...

Is this an extra-special quasi-Holiday/New-Year's episode where Trixie and Katya talk about decorating a tree? Perhaps. Is this an episode where they confront a deep, yearning desire for a miniature ceramic holiday village? Maybe. Is this an episode where Trixie and Katya wish you and yours a wonderful holiday and a prolifically-prosperous new year? You better fu**ing believe it. From all of us here at the show, here's to a 2024 filled with nothing but 365 days of pure, unadulterated joy and...

There are no endings, Baldies. Just events that precede a new beginning. As we rapidly approach the conclusion of 2023, let us close our cold, darkened hearts to the old and open them to the new. We all get the same 365 days in the new year; the difference, you magnificent bastards, is what you do with them. From all of us here at the underwater volcano headquarters of Bald, LLC, we wish you and yours a Happy Holiday and a Gloriously Gaggy New Year. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp....

As the days grow shorter and the nights longer, may all of us in the Northern Hemisphere prepare ourselves for December 21st. It is the day we commemorate the Winter Solstice and honor the darkest night of the year. Please pause what you're doing, bow your head, and honor the shadows by journeying deep within to reflect, restore and nourish your spiritual cores. Though a rose is beautiful when in full bloom, lest we forget that its shriveled death is but a few days away. Like the evergreens...

As the holiday season rapidly ascends to the apex of yuletide cheer, you may find yourself experiencing a warm, tingly sensation deep within your abdomen. It's a condition known as "Merry Malady" and it affects .000001 % of the population. Side effects include dry mouth, erotic internet searches containing the phrase "Candy Cane," consumption of Trimix-spiked eggnog, and unexpected dating propositions in local big-box retail stores. Nine out of ten doctors agree that taking 70mg daily of...

As part of our ongoing Public Service Announcement Series here at Bald, LLC, this week we'd like to focus on proper perineal care. If you didn't already know, managing the cleanliness of your bottom is a vital part of everyone's daily hygiene regimen. As one posterior hygienist told us during a recent cleaning, you should recite the following several times a day to the beat of your favorite 90's hip-hop song: Always Wipe Front to Back, Wet Wipes are a Perfect Hack, Cotton Breathes For Your...

From the land of jazz, gumbo, public drunkenness, and second lines at Delta's baggage claim, Trixie and Katya bring you an auditory experience of such unabashedly sultry sexiness and salacious prurience that your ears will climax long before you do. Start building your credit up today! Open a Chime Checking account with at least a $200 qualifying direct deposit. Get started at Chime.com/BALD or click on: https://www.chime.com/apply-debit/?ad=podcast_bald Synbiotic+ and Ritual are here to...

Comedian, actress, host, Emmy Award-winner, and absolute fu**ing legend Kathy Griffin stops by the Bald studio to chat with Trixie about My Life on the D-List, a certain infamous picture from 2017, and her wildly-anticipated return to touring with 2024's My Life on the PTSD-List stand-up tour! Get your tickets now at https://kathygriffin.com! Start all your holiday shopping trips at https://Rakuten.com or get the Rakuten app to start saving today! You can stack Black Friday & Cyber Monday...

What better time of year to entertain your friends and throw a mesmerizing Fall fête than the week after we turn back those George Nelson Mid-century Modern clocks! Welcome your guests with an eye-catching and sphincter-tensing tablescape of such vibrant autumnal colors that they stop, gag, and immediately make plans to burn that oh-so-boring-2022 gourd centerpiece that's been adorning their dining room table since All Hallow's Eve. This Fall, bring out those jade chargers that perfectly...

If you're into listening to German Vaporwave while crying about the mean things Brad said in a note to your best friend Allison in Biology class as you sit in the backseat of your Aunt Marilyn's 1992 Buick LeSabre on the way to the dental hygienist who vaguely resembles Bea Arthur, all the while thinking about that really good pizza bagel you had for lunch as a piece of pepperoni becomes dislodged from your braces, then this week's episode is 100% for you. Enjoy. Start all your shopping trips...