Having a spouse who frequently wants to control you can be frustrating. But control issues commonly come from a specific place. Typically, they are rooted in fear, underlying mental health issues (sometimes linked to fear), perfectionism, low self-esteem, betrayal, insecurities, or unhealthy ideas of what a relationship should look like. Knowing where your spouse’s desire to control comes from will likely help you feel more compassionate and understanding towards your spouse. Once you...

Sometimes, when you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, it is hard to see it at the time. Knowing the signs of abuse can help you recognize it if your romantic relationship is emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse is always a pattern, so seeing one of these signs once, or noticing them during conflict is not a sign of emotional abuse. However, if you are seeing a number of the signs repeating themselves in your romantic relationship, that’s a sign that your partner is emotionally...

Infidelity is a difficult, often traumatic experience, and the process of healing takes time. Understanding the effects of betrayal trauma as well as the signs that your spouse is trustworthy again can help you in the journey of healing and rebuilding trust in your marriage (provided your spouse is in a place where they can be trusted again). While to some degree, every betrayed spouse’s response to betrayal is different, there are also common trauma reactions that most betrayed spouses...

Understanding the five pillars of attachment helps you understand how your relationship with your primary caregiver has influenced the way you interact with your romantic partner. The five pillars of attachment are: a sense of felt safety, a sense of being seen and known (attunement), the experience of felt comfort (soothing), a sense of being valued (expressed delight), and a sense of support for being and becoming one’s unique best self. It is natural that if your attachment needs were...

Infidelity can happen for many reasons, and individuals can experience it differently. Some spouses are fully aware of what they did and how it happened. Other spouses feel disconnected from their actions, and unsure about how they got there. There are a number of things that make a marriage more vulnerable to infidelity. These include: low marital satisfaction, a lack of sexual intimacy, doubts the marriage will last, multiple sexual partners prior to marriage, crisis, psychiatric...

Children always bring changes in your relationship with your spouse. It can be a challenge to create time for your spouse when the demands of parenting are competing for your time, but it’s important to prioritize making time for your spouse, and it is no less important during a pandemic. Society places a lot of demands on parents to have their kids excel In different areas. And there are some practical ways that you can balance the demands of parenting with making time for your...

Denial is common with any addiction, and pornography addiction is no exception. In this episode, we discuss how wives can approach their husbands about their pornography problem tactfully, yet deliberately. Confrontation is difficult, and in preparing to approach your husband it’s important to consider what you want to communicate beforehand. It is also best to have a softer approach, as an angry approach is more likely to make your husband defensive. Certainly, you should set expectations...

The present situation with the Coronavirus is affecting our lives significantly, and is likely impacting your marriage as well. Like any crisis, the Coronavirus is likely to cause increased stress levels for you and your spouse, as you experience the loss of ordinary activities and regular routines. Stress will affect you and your spouse differently, so it’s important to recognize how it is affecting your spouse, and to offer them your support. In the midst of the current crisis, it is...

There are a few key things to know about disclosure before going into it. First of all, it is always better to disclose infidelity to your spouse willingly, rather than to have them discover it and be forced to disclose. Furthermore, it is much better to be honest with your spouse and disclose fully, rather than in small steps, which will hurt your spouse even more. Disclosure is never easy, but being open and honest with your spouse (apart from inappropriate details) is always the best way...

There are numerous different groups for helping people break out of pornography and sex addiction. It can be hard to know which one to choose. In this episode, we provide information about six different groups that are available. Pure Desire offers faith-based group for pornography and sex addiction with trained counselors who help individuals break free from pornography or sex addiction. Celebrate Recovery offers faith-based groups based on a 12-step program that are designed to help with...

The effects of betrayal trauma can come as a surprise to the betraying spouse. Often, betrayal trauma comes with a number of negative emotions in the betrayed spouse. It is also common for spouses to experience the symptoms of PTSD, including intense rage at their spouse. Their responses are normal given the fact that they have experienced trauma. Trauma puts them into fight or flight mode and causes them to get angry in an attempt to protect themselves from further harm. Understanding...

In Western culture, people commonly think of compassion as something that you extend to other people rather than yourself. Although the idea of self compassion originally came from Eastern religions, the Bible also talks about “loving one’s neighbor as oneself.” Part of loving oneself includes being compassionate towards oneself, much as one would towards others. Essentially, self compassion is being kind towards yourself rather than constantly critical. It is especially important to...

When you have committed infidelity of any kind, you should tell your spouse and not keep it a secret, hoping that they do not find out. When telling your spouse about your infidelity, the way that you approach it is really important because you want to avoid doing things that will cause your spouse further hurt. When disclosing an infidelity, it’s important to consider how much detail is appropriate and whether your spouse is experiencing any personal problems that may make immediate...

If you find yourself feeling suddenly overwhelmed when you are experiencing conflict with your spouse, you are experiencing what John Gottman calls flooding. This episode of the podcast talks about how to recognize flooding, and how to calm down when you experience it. When you are flooded, the first step in calming down is recognizing when you are flooded so that you can give yourself a break from the situation. You can come back to the conversation when you have calmed down and are...

Married people often have many friendships outside of their marriage, some of which may be with people of the opposite gender. Navigating these relationships can be challenging as it involves balancing having friends of the opposite gender, but not allowing those relationships to become too close. If you aren’t careful, you can become too close with a member of the opposite sex that you are attracted to and damage your relationship with your spouse. Knowing the warning signs that a...

There are many possible reasons that intercourse may be painful for men. Regardless of what the problem is, it is important to find the root cause and get appropriate treatment. This episode includes information on the possible sources of pain during intimacy, as well as practical tips on what to do about them. For many of these problems, the first step is to go to the doctor, or in some cases, a physiotherapist or urologist. There are also physical exercises that strengthen the pelvic...

Many men fail to realize how much their porn addiction hurts their wives. Women who find out their husband has a porn addiction often feel extremely betrayed, and display symptoms of relational trauma. Furthermore, a wife feels even more hurt if they find out that their husband has a porn addiction, but has kept it a secret from her. Pornography is highly addictive and often causes problems with intimacy in marriage. Keeping a pornography addiction secret will typically cause decreased...

Family visits can be a time of enjoying spending time with loved ones. But this is not the case for everyone. For some people, family visits are difficult or traumatic because of a toxic relationship with a family member. If you find yourself in this situation, there are tactics that you can use to create boundaries and make family visits easier, and hopefully more enjoyable for you and your family. This episode of the podcast includes helpful tips on how to prepare for family visits, what...

Do you feel like your spouse expects you to sacrifice your wants and desires for theirs? If so, be sure to listen to this episode of the podcast to learn what you can do to avoid making yourself vulnerable to being taken for granted by your spouse. While being taken for granted depends partially on your spouse, there are also certain tendencies that make you more vulnerable to it. This episode examines the complications that can come with different views on gender roles within marriage, as...

Research shows that about 7% of women experience pain during sex. Whether this is a short-term or long-term problem, pain may make sex less enjoyable, and may even create tension between you and your partner. The good news is, there are solutions to many common causes of pain during sex. This episode covers a number of common physical and psychological causes of pain during sex, and offers advice on what to do about them. Whether it’s seeing a doctor for the right prescription, seeing a...

Betrayal trauma can leave a spouse feeling deeply hurt, or even blaming themselves for their wife’s betrayal. It’s important to understand that feeling hurt and grieving over the betrayal are normal, and that healing can take time. Betrayal impacts men differently from women, and it can be a difficult thing for them to talk about and process. This episode of the podcast offers five tips on how to work through betrayal trauma by acknowledging the hurt and taking time to heal, as well as...

This episode offers a well-researched perspective on the importance of physical touch in marriage. Physical touch can take many forms. Some forms are sexual, but others are simply ways to communicate warmth and care to your spouse. Touch is also a powerful way to bond emotionally and feel more connected to your spouse. Physical affection has even been linked to a number of health benefits, including benefits to cardiovascular health and blood pressure Physical affection comes more...

If you are moving into the retirement stage of life or have already retired, you may find that transitioning into retirement is putting stress on your marriage. Retirement can be a time to relax and enjoy life with your spouse without the responsibility of work or raising children. Retirement can also come with new challenges as you and your spouse transition into a new stage of life. You and your spouse are suddenly faced with the questions of how you will plan for the retirement years, what...

Pornography and Sexual addictions can be dark and difficult cycles that can make it hard to connect to your spouse. Often, people who struggle with these addictions have an avoidant, anxious or insecure attachment style, and it is helpful to look at your attachment style in order to understand how the addiction developed. Getting to the root of these addictions involves understanding your attachment style and how you learned to relate to others in the home you grew up in. Often, a...