Chapter 8 -- The Lincoln Memorial. Back door passage to the NSA. Biometrics. Top Top Super Double Dip Hot Fudge Sundae With A Cherry On Top Secret. Rank balloons. Poo-AHH! The vault door opens.

Medical Examiner Hot 'N' Juicy. The coroner's "special ham." An autopsy. A French spy! What they found in his stomach. The murder weapon.

Chapter 6 -- Bakin Cheez Burgher VIII, a.k.a. Rat Boy. The fierce urgency of now. The River Potomacncheese. Cockroach mousse, anyone? An interrogation. Where's Fatso?

Chapter 5 -- Agent Erpent of the SS. WWTPD? A phone call. From the Prophet. For me? The Coalition of the Fasting. Find Fatso! Fastest way to the morgue is through the Georgetown food ghetto. The Sushi Gang. A place to hide.

Chapter 4 -- The crime scene. Zero-calorie burgers. A body in the park. A million-dollar, uncut pizza. Who knows why these crazed food terrists do what they do? They hate us for our freedom. Our freedom to eat air. That's why, and you know it. The District of Crap. The Skinny Service. Go the Power of Air!

Chapter 3 -- A murder investigation. A pizza dealer got whacked in LaOmelette Park, across the street from the Thin House. A desperate housewife. Agent Green's problem. A confession. If you see Fat, say Fat. Call 1-800-I-SEE-FAT. Twinkie rapists.

Chapter 2 -- Food is a drug. You don't need to eat. That's a myth. All you need is air! Meet the Prophet. You must see the change you wish to be in the world! The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Food. The French Food Mafia. Fatso, the Godfather of Food.

Chapter 1 -- Welcome to the Global War on Fat! Time for all you ferrners out there to learn how to ear air. Food terrism must be destroyed!