As a Christmas treat I’ve discovered a draft version of a book that Robert Greene never released: The 48 Laws of Christmas Power. Enjoy. But more importantly: don’t listen to this and go enjoy your Christmas. If you’re curious, the full draft laws are below. If you want to enjoy them in the epiosde, ignore them. SPOILER BELOW. SPOILER BELOW. SPOILER BELOW. Maybe you want to spoil it for yourself. Never outshine the Christmas master Never put too much trust in Christmas friends but learn how to use Christmas enemies Conceal your true Christmas intentions (by wrapping them up) Always say less than necessary (there isn’t much room on the card and it already says merry christmas) So much depends on your reputation, so give a good Christmas present Court attention at all costs with the biggest Christmas present Get others to wrap your presents for you, buy your presents for you and suggest present ideas for you, but then take all the credit Make other people come to you to pick up their Christmas presents Always win Christmas boardgames but never argue Avoid the unhappy people at Christmas and don’t ever try to cheer them up. They are a virus Learn to keep everyone dependant on your excellent Christmas gifts (DRUGS) Be selectively honest but always use your Christmas generosity to disarm them of this fact When asking for help at Christmas always appeal to somebody’s self interest Pose as a Christmas friend but work as a spy Crush your enemy’s Christmas presents totally Use absence of Christmas presents to increase strength and honour Keep others in suspended terror of your Christmas presents and cultivate an air of unpredictability Isolation is dangerous so never build a Christmas fortress Know who you’re dealing with so don’t offend the wrong person by telling them their Christmas present is s**t (but if they’re the right person, offend them and see Law 17) Do not commit to anyone and command respect of your Christmas presents Play a sucker and always seem dumber than your Christmas presents Transform weakness into power (I don’t f*****g know) Concentrate your forces (again, I don’t know) Play the perfect courtier and be good at Christmas charades (not too good though, see Law 21) Re-create yourself and master your own Christmas image Always wash your hands a lot at Christmas (keep your hands clean) Build a cult-like following in your Christmas presents Enter action with boldness at christmas and always use a thick pen - BOING Plan all the way to the end of Christmas Day, don’t get caught short Make your accomplishments seem easy by saying “It was easy” a lot and shrugging Control the options and get others to play the cards you deal them in all Christmas boardgames — “alter the playing field” Play to people’s fantasies, but be careful who you try that on and under which mistletoe Buy each man in the family a thumbscrew and make sure you discover it at some point during Christmas Day, as it is your job to discover each man’s thumbscrew Be royal in your own fashion. Wear some bling n s**t Master the art of timing — LONG BREAK Disdain everyone else’s presents you cannot have, call them s**t. Ignoring them is the best revenge Create compelling Christmas spectacles, especially big ones with glass in them that you can put on your face Think as you like but behave like everyone else Stir up waters to catch fish — NOT A CLUE DESPISE THE FREE LUNCH AVOID STEPPING INTO A GREAT MAN’S SHOES, ESPECIALLY IF HE HAD BIG FEET STRIKE THE SHEPHERD AND THE SHEEP WILL TRAMPLE YOU WORK ON THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF OTHERS BUT ONLY IF YOU’RE A HEART SURGEON OR A BRAIN SURGEON (UNLIKELY) DISARM AND INFURIATE WITH THE MIRROR EFFECT — EFFECT MIRROR THE WITH INFURIATE AND DISARM PREACH THE NEED TO CHANGE BUT NEVER REFORM TOO MUCH AT ONCE NEVER APPEAR TOO PREFECT DO NOT GO PAST THE MARK YOU AIMED FOR ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE THROWING A DART OR OTHER HEAVY