Christian found a fantastic parking spot opposite the church at his nephew’s christening but isn’t sure whether the spot should be reserved for immediate family. Dion quickly finds a parallel to another moment Christian found a premium parking spot on the day of his auction. Does the finders keepers rule apply to parking spots? Or should you be considerate of those who may need to spot more than you?  We then ponder, why do humans refrain from stealing those enormous mounds of gravel and...

Christian has finally found the elderly neighbours he’s been looking for and, typically, they came in the form of a bowl of tomatoes. Dion questions the neighbours' motives and warns Christian by recounting the parable of his neighbour in sheep’s clothing. We then chat about rubbish collection and Josh laments finding a mystery coffee cup at the bottom of your freshly emptied bin.  Are you confident when cutting food in half? Are you worried about the dreaded ‘bigger half’? Does a muffin...

Ohhhhh wow! We're back from 7 months off and we're out of practice. We kick off by recalling a micro highlight from our trips abroad: Christian visited a Christian themed amusement park, Dion visited a capybara themed amusement park for ducks and Josh watched a man interact with natural history.  Christian starts the episode proper by lamenting his ability to casually organise an event. Are you someone who can casually put together an event and be fine not knowing who is coming and when? If...

Dearest Patchworkers, we're taking a bit of a break. Christian is doing some extended travel so there won't be regular releases for pretty much the rest of the year. We can't thank you enough for your support over the last 6 years. Looking forward to being back in your favourite podcatcher sometime again in the future. But for the moment, it's goodbye. Big hugs and three loud kisses oxxx Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/welcometopatchwork See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy...

Christian receives a mysterious hand gesture from a concerned citizen but manages to decipher it.  We also ponder the age old question - what's the difference between 'tips' and 'advice'? Christian's psych definitely got it wrong when asked about travel tips. This conversation devolves into Christian and Dion bullying Josh for having the audacity to talk to his friends about things that he is passionate about.  Dion tells us his strategies for picking an aisle when he needs to traverse...

Christian questions whether Josh can sell his abandoned basketball for profit. He's simply a man looking for answers.  Josh's comedy group Game Boys won a freakin Green Room Award! So we discuss what genuine surprises we still have in life and if it's rude to send messages and be on social media during a speech.  Finally Christian tells the longwided story of an old man bumping him on the train. Do we give elderly people too much of a pass these days? Both Josh and Dion also have some tales...

Christian and Josh open this episode with a rather frank discussion about the many hairstyles of the artist P!NK. We explore the unspoken bravery of dying her hair blonde and her notoriety in Australia. Christian then finds a subtle way to tell Josh he's balding and shouldn't colour his hair.  Josh then tells us about his new job delivering groceries and the torture of having to relearn how to drive a manual (Emmanuel). Do you judge people who struggle to park? Are you an anxious driver? Is...

Josh hosted another party and this time he's taking aim at those partygoers who take other people's drinks. Is it expected that the host will supply drinks? Should you be precious about the drinks you bring to a party?  Dion then asks Christian and Josh for the right context in which a handshake is the right greeting? Is there a more appropriate embrace for a friend? Do you feel comfortable hugging a stranger? We then ask the big question, why do we need the shake in handshake? Christian...

We’re back, again! Jeez, we spend a lot time not recording this podcast. Anyway, you get what you’re given. If you want more, become a Patreon! This Patch opens with Dion telling us about his recent trip to Texas and a close call with a tornado. We then discuss people who think they’re cool for not liking nature and using TikTok to follow live events. Christian then recalls a time that he went for dinner with a couple of friends who refused to start eating until his meal arrived. Is this...

Prepare for an outrageous and side-splitting comedy experience in this special episode of our podcast! Brace yourself for a laughter-filled adventure as the entire episode has been crafted by the comedic genius of ChatGPT, the AI language model with an uncanny knack for humour. Get ready to be entertained by a non-stop barrage of jokes, humorous anecdotes, and hilarious situations. ChatGPT's algorithmic wit will leave you in stitches as it delivers punchlines, engages in comedic dialogues,...

Open wide and come inside! For this Patch, we've each written a new catchphrase that we'll drop into the episode at an appropriate time (and by appropriate time, we mean somewhere in the first 10 minutes because we were all too excited to hold on to them). Christian asks Josh and Dion to be a sounding board about a prank played on his friend's mum. We then wonder, who are pranks for? Are they ever funny? Is a prank just 'accessible bullying'? Josh tries to find an example of a harmless, good...

Josh is woken up by the incessant banging of some tradesmen and Christian and Dion wonder whether this could be improving Josh's life. We then discuss why tradies need to start work so early? Christian then tells Josh and Dion about feeling relief about an upcoming event being cancelled. He sees the night now as 'free' and able to be reclaimed as a night off - Josh and Dion think the right course of action is to plan a different night out with the same group who would have attended the...

Josh calls out Dion for asking a friend to hotspot internet so he could top up his phone credit, Dion vehemently tries to defend himself by revealing that he actually purchased his sim card from a supermarket. It becomes clear that no one is right and we've wasted each others time and energy; much like all the Welcome to Patchwork episodes. Christian went to his cousin's 30th and his only take away from the evening was, how long can you make someone holding a platter wait while you take food...

Christian kicks off this episode by wishing himself an early happy birthday and then asks Dion and Josh how they feel about receiving 'happy birthday' messages before their actual birthday. Does receiving an early birthday message change the sentiment? Or is it the same as receiving it on the day?  Are you annoyed when someone asks you where the toilets are in a restaurant? This is what Christian confronted Josh with at the Patchwork Christmas Party. What is your system for finding toilets...

We're back for Season 8 baby! To kick it all off, Christian takes aim at Josh for giving him 1 hour to confirm he was available for a catchup before making other plans. Josh tell us about his frustration at some unsaved numbers in a friendly WhatsApp thread which leads us to ask - when should you add someone as a contact in your phone? What makes a person worthy of contact status? After exploring what the threshold is for saving them, we then look at what makes us delete a number from our...

As summer heats up (or you're listening to this in winter and have got the heater on really high), it's time we taught you how to beat the heat! We start by talking about the moment we 'know summer has arrived', the ozone layer and how we fixed the whole CFC thing?!! Right? Dion then takes us through UV ratings, we talk methods for applying sunscreen and asking people to rub sunscreen into your back. We then look at the factors that inform how we dress on a warm day, looking for the perfect...

Grab a handful of canvas bags and a gold coin because Welcome to Patchwork is teaching you how to go grocery shopping. What prompts you to go grocery shopping? How do you manage your shopping list? What's your shopping strategy once you step foot inside the supermarket? If you lose the person you're with, how do you find them? Should you ever shop on an empty stomach? This Patch is full of big questions with tiny answers. In fact, the answers are so small you can barely hear them. What you...

In Patch 111, we rip the sticky tape off our cardboard packaging and chat all things recycling. We begin by asking ourselves why we recycle. Is it for the environment? Or is it to avoid the scorn of others? We explore why Josh goes through his housemate's rubbish, the magic and mystery of where our rubbish goes and the history of our attitude towards recycling. We then shift gears and talk about buying and selling secondhand goods, product lifecycles, the necessary inclusions of an online ad...

In Patch 110, we cloak our jackets, skip the queue and talk all things waiting in line. We start by exploring each of our first instincts when approaching a line. Josh establishes the core types of line: single, mess and multi-stream, whilst Christian declares himself a Line Captain. Is Dion cutthroat? Does he call out a line cutter? We discuss some of the best, worst and most embarrassing lines. Josh flips the narrative and tells us about his experience as a cowboy bartender who needs to...

In Patch 109, we roll around in the mud, feed from the trough and eventually discuss all things clutter and collectibles. We start by exploring how to best hide clutter in your very own home. Whether it's in piles, hidden in storage containers or blocking a robot vacuum, our clutter manifests in very different forms. But what even is a pile? And what is a container, if not simply a place to store your piles. We then dive into sentimental clutter. Can it ever be thrown out given the memories...

BUMP! In Patch 108, we make sure our phone credit is topped up as we step into the world of text messaging. Josh encourages Christian and Dion to become cryptographers as we try to text-spell famous abbreviations; we dissect swiping on a keyboard and many other methods for typing; Christian admires how young people use their phones; Josh encourages us to soften our tone; Christian wonders when he should abandon hope for a response to a text message and Dion tries to uncover the best way to...

From preparing the night before to cuffing your sleeves, Patch 107 covers the gamut of a morning dress up routine. Josh talks us through the first thing he does in the morning before putting on clothes; Christian explores the relationship between wearing nice clothes and being productive and Dion explains why he wears an elastic band as a bracelet. Josh stuns us with the structures and systems he has implemented in his life, Christian explores his 7-day cycle and Dion begs us to consider the...

Please keep your seatbelts fastened for Patch 106 as we teach you how to enjoy a flight! We start by covering what we pack in our carry on: Josh is obsessed with charging his devices, Dion has an interesting kind of neck pillow and Christian reflects on a magical moment with a reclining Italian man. We then look at what we first do to settle into the flight: where do you put your feet? do you think about what films you'll watch? We also discuss how much water we drink during the flight and...

We all enjoy eating at restaurants. But have you ever really thought about how or why we choose those restaurants? In this Patch, we dive into some of the key considerations that go into picking a restaurant. Are you swayed by spruikers throwing in a glass of wine? Will you pick a 'feed me' option? Do you care about the name of the restaurant? In this episode, Josh expresses his love for menus stuck to the front window of a restaurant, Christian vents about the 'please wait to be seated' sign...