Come the 2028 Olympics in Los Angeles, I shall be in Team GB - so long as they change the events What impressed you most at the Olympics opening ceremony this year? Axelle Saint-Cirel’s magnificent rendition of La Marseillaise, surely the world’s most stirring national anthem? The can-can dancers? Or perhaps Alexandre Kantorow tinkling away on his piano despite the deluge? For me, I’m ashamed to say, it was my unfamiliarity with some of the countries represented. Yes, I have my Geography O-level and an old Times Atlas bought at the village church fete but Sao Tome and Principe, Burkina Faso and Eswatini required some red-faced Googling, for which I apologise to their citizens. And not just for my ignorance. Whenever I see a small, proud nation at the Olympic ceremony I have a secret desire to join its national team, partly because I’m good at waving to crowds (albeit they’re unaware) but mostly because I’m an absolute gold-medal hope at shindigs and nowhere, I bet, parties harder than the Olympic Village - a feeling confirmed by a mate who’d stayed there throughout the 2012 London bash.