PAT MUSTARD! Comedians Victoria E Armstrong and David Doherty-Jebb commandeer a milk float in this seminal episode. Randy milkman Pat Mustard has been getting Mrs Doyle all hot and bothered, and Ted doesn't like it. He organises a sting operation and the fallout has Dougal in charge of the milk run. Unfortunately, Pat has left a little surprise on it if Dougal's speed goes below 4 mph. Jack adopts a new pet brick that comes in useful later on. We also talk about Francophones misunderstanding...

Actor, writer and improv artist Michael Keane is at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, cowering from the menace of the Beast in this terrifying mystery episode. Ted's got in over his head, betting the entire heating allowance on Chris winning the King of the Sheep 1998, but Chris artistic temperament has been put askew by the howling of the beast. Everything is a bit askew as Mrs Doyle finally gets to use the sheep tea, Dougal takes up shoplifting and Jack temporarily feels the serenity of a leap...

Belfast Comedy Writers Johnny Nicholl and Jonathan McCoy watch Ted insult a sixth of the world's population when he tries to impersonate a Chinese person. Dougal helps him come up with an idea, but he didn't realise there were a lot of small ideas after. Mrs Doyle uses a novel form of chiropractic after she falls off the roof and Jack develops agoraphobia. We also fill in the cultural and historical gaps between seasons two and three, discuss the racism in Breakfast at Tiffanys, the Nazi...

Gerry Norman of rock band A Plastic Rose and his wife, street artist Friz (Marian Noone), board a flight with us where everything goes wrong - what is it with rock stars and planes? Ted's fear of flying is justified after Dougal is given access to the cockpit and dooms the plane that they are on. Along with all the other priests on board, Ted must devise a way to distribute the two parachutes on board. Jack devises his own way, along with the drinks cart! We also talk about maverick pilots...

Lifelong Ted fan, Sean Treanor hosts the nightmarish Father Fintan Stack and his 3am jungle music, but at least he had his fun, and that's all matters. Jack's hairy hands has him stationed up in 'Jurassic Park', so Ted and Dougal have to entertain their new cereal-stealing housemate and Mrs Doyle manages to get her message above the din. We also talk about sports days, hairy hands, Blaxploitation cinema and Dougal getting drunk! Subscribe now to get a new episode every Sunday morning - just...

Lifelong Ted fan Eamonn Turbett joins in the giving things up competition, or sorry, the sacrifice to Our Lord (Arnold, who's Arnold?). After Father Dick Byrne lays down the challenge, Ted volunteers himself, Dougal and Jack to give up their vices, while Mrs Doyle has a good miserable time on St Patrick's Hill. Also in the sermon, we discuss the scourge of airhorns from the 90s, Opus Dei and their pain-is-the-cleanser ethos, and Pulp Fiction gimps Subscribe now to get a new episode every...

Actress Lindsey Mitchell and prodigal son Vince (they all have lovely bottoms) are on the judging panel for The Lovely Girls. Ted's has the honour of picking the winner, who will have the honour of paying for dinner for him. Dougal has to house sit but fiery feminist rock star Niamh Connolly is in the property market. Jack takes up charity fraud, while Mrs Doyle shows her competency with power tools.  Todd Unctious (well, actor Gerard McSorley) has been up to no good again, and we discuss...

DJ and musician Graham Harrison has to cure The Plague befalling Craggy Island, as the whole place is coming down with rabbits and Ted and Dougal desperately search for a ways to get rid of them - on the eve of Bishop Brennan's impromptu visit! Mrs Doyle puts her mechanic skills to use on Len's car, while Jack confuses his rodents.  Also in the Sermon, we try to imagine the Islanders as characters on Police Academy, rabbit stories - cute AND creepy, which fictional serial killer Tom is most...

Composer and musician Marty Devine serenades us through Craggy Island's melodious tribute to Eurovision. Ted and Dougal go through some creative differences, but emerge with the classic My Lovely Horse (well, the lyrics at least). Jack's drinks cabinet has got a very expensive new addition and Mrs Doyle's brutally honest critiques would do well on the Judges panel of X Factor. James McAnespy and Marty Devine recording Ecumenical Matters The Father Ted PodcastWe speak about the lasting impact...

Donny Kingston, up and coming stand up on Belfast's comedy circuit, helps unravel the mystery of the stolen whistle and stave off complete societal breakdown on Craggy Island. It's just a whistle!  Dougal's finds a cool new friend in Father Damo (played by Joe Rooney), and gets to show off his football tekkers. Ted tries to relax on a picnic site, but unfortunately he runs in to a couple of fupping baxters. Mrs Doyle is on night duty and Jack displays his ninja skills with a couple of bottles...

London Comedy Writers Olly Allsop and Jordan Birch attend the upgrading of the Holy Stone of Clonrickert to a Class 2 Relic. Hosting three bishops on the island is going to be the highlight of Mrs Doyle's career, but unfortunately she's lost her contact lenses. Dougal philosophises on the nature of Heaven and Hell and all that, while Ted has to bring Jack through a few elocution lessons (Th-th-th-that...). We also share our own Gary Lineker Ghost Stories, the mechanics of Buckaroo (The Sport...

Improv artist and actor Marcus Keeley conducts the inquest into the most crooked raffle in Craggy Island history. Music is in the air, with Father Finnegan the dancing Priest (RIP) and the Spinmaster Father Billy O'Dwyer on the decks. Father Austin Purcell's droning drives Jack to the drink - so we baptise a new feature Jack's Drinking Cabinet, Mrs Doyle sticks to her principles when it comes to raffles, Dougal spatial awareness is still a concern when exiting doors and Belfast gets an...

Colin Hassard joins us again to discuss Graham Norton's bow on the show as the relentless Father Noel Furlong. Father LARRY DUFF! He's tremendous fun, I'll give him a call. And Dougal's spatial awareness causes concern ("These cows are very small...") It's July 19th, so to celebrate Galway's liberation from India, Jack reminds the Islanders to go on holidays - unfortunately they run into their own version of Ugly Naked Guy. Mrs Doyle has been baking with a different kind of white powder,...

It's the last episode of Series 1 of ...Ted so we were buzzing! Unfortunately, so was the audio (sorry about that).  Jack has briefly exited this mortal coil, which means Ted and Dougal have to attend to his wake. Mrs Doyle is tickled pink by all these women with their jobs and the mourners lament Jack's missed potential. He could have been Pope. Dougal points out the very real distinction between Jaws 2 and Jaws, we harken back at the legendary Italian football players of the 90s (thus...

Actors Glenn Hamill and Christian Jackson discuss Ted's desires as he tries to woo superstar author Polly Clark. Mrs Doyle turns the air blue, and Dougal is even more confused by all the women around. Nuns! Nuns! Reverse Reverse! We also ask why people fake reading books, Ted's hipster phase, Jack's smuggling techniques and the and Christian reveals how odd it was seeing people with ashes on their forehead for the first time. Subscribe now to get a new episode every Sunday morning - just in...

The classic Henry Sellers ("I MADE THE BBC") episode, Competition Time. Hopefully you'll laugh as much as the largely overshadowed character, Barty Dunne; we get the first appearance of Dick Byrne; how many times Mrs Doyle says 'Ah, go on!' (it's hard to keep count!); lepresy; Craggy Island Rehab Resort; Hans Zimmer (you'll hear why); Going for Gold; Stars in Their Eyes; Elvis Aaron Presley and lots more! Except the English Papers. Subscribe now to get a new episode every Sunday morning -...

Voiceover artist Derm McGuigan joins us to protest The Passion of St Tibulus in our rundown of this classic episode. Careful now! Bishop Brennan is introduced and details the reasons why the priests are on the island - let us never speak of The Blackrock Incident. Ted and Dougal enjoy a game of Cluedo and some gifts from the mysterious Father Hernandez, Jack puts his bodily functions to practical use with the parish candles, and Mrs Doyle is disgusted by the filth on show down at the local...

Colin Hassard, Belfast's premier performance poet, joins us to host the dripping bore that is Father Stone as Ted makes a deadly deal with God. Wouldn't it have been better if he had been killed?  Dougal has a very limited scope when it comes to wishes, the lethality of lightning strikes are discussed at length - stay away from those crazy golf courses and we Meet the Maker as Arthur Matthews makes his excuses to get away from the party. Your browser does not support the audio element. Stray...

In the first episode of Ecumenical Matters we escort Jack and Dougal to Funland, where the rides are deadly, Mrs Doyle offers her first cup of tea so we can start the 'Ah Go On' count, and Ted ditches the lot of them to hit stardom on Faith of Our Fathers. We also discuss the majesty that is The Divine Comedy's theme tune, and we are introduced to the marital bliss of John and Mary and Tom's murderous confessions. It's got a Spider Baby! Your browser does not support the audio element....