Can cold spaghetti enable your rise as a charismatic cult leader? How do you outrun your own 17-hour-tape-delayed ghost? How do you fight your homeowner's association? The world is confusing. Fortunately, each week, there's one source to which you can turn: WikiHow. Discussed: Botnik Writer, Celebrity Explainer, eating cold spaghetti, mundane perception-alternate events, becoming a highly captivating charismatic cult leader, Roy Batty in Blade Runner, modern technology enabling you to relive...

AAAAAAaahhhHHGHhggg! Oh, excuse us, that was just our podcasting equipment warming up. When you taste something gross, what compels you to tell your friend to try it? Or worse, to keep eating it? If we hear someone has wished for something, why the compulsion to wish it away? If something great is on TV, why violate it? In short: Why do we do things we know are bad for us? If we knew, we wouldn't be here. Join us! Discussed: the trash kids love to eat, Jake's dark compulsion, Jake's twisted...

Your dreams have come true, assuming you dream of a podcast in which we do our best to work through the world's biggest questions, starting with these: Why are twentysomething Canadian robots putting septuagenarian Canadian humans out of work? Is Google Street View less creepy or more creepy if you're the one taking the photos? And, when Clifford got big we know it came from love, but was that love tainted by science gone wrong, or the touch of some malevolent wizard? These truths and more...

We're going on a trip through the world's most bizarre mysteries, unanswerable conundrums, and dumb news, and it's going to take a while, so pack something healthy. No, we said healthy. Okay, fine if that's what you want. This week: If you have to babysit a ten year old version of yourself for the weekend, do you both get paid? What do ants see in you anyway? And, when you push a button that you know does nothing, has the satisfaction you felt when pushing it given that button a purpose? We...

While we grapple with the mysteries of the world around us, while we do our best to solve your conundrums, provide you with advice, and tease out your bizarre hypothetical situations, we are being watched. Watched, judged, and pitied, by beings beyond our perception, hovering outside our senses on the edges of our reality. These beings fear for us, not for the damage we might do to them, but for the damage we might do to ourselves. And for our part, we barely know when they're there. In that...

Each week we do our best to take your deeply important questions, distill them down to their essence, and find the truth within. Or something we make up. But sometimes, once in a big moon, the truth hits too close to home, burns too hot, is too real. Sometimes something so unbelievably perfect happens, the universe itself tries to erase it. Before it can get there, we'll tell you all about it. Discussed: popcorn, the number you call that tells you what time it is, a regrettable news event,...

You probably think you're pretty smart. Well, Einstein, chew on this: If a tree falls in an empty forest in an empty universe, does it make a virtual sound? Is Colonel Sanders really a powerful sorcerer? And, if so, can he bid Chuck E. Cheese robots carry out his every whim? Open your mind, and destroy all your preconceptions. They will not be reused. Discussed: KFC virtual reality training program, Doritos bag that plays the soundtrack to Guardians of the Galaxy, Doritos bag that plays...

Careful listeners might detect a hidden message in this podcast. Are you attuned to our frequency? Keep that in mind as you ponder these eternal mysteries: Is it better to smell a rose, or is it better to get your ass going? Are sneeze sabotage strategies all in your imagination? What's the deal with fidget spinners anyway? And does any of this matter? One thing is clear. At the end of the day, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and undermine 'em. Discussed: fidget spinner, FÏDGT™, German...

U mad? Yeah, u mad. Look, get a hold of yourself, and consider these conundrums. If a driverless car has a driver, but the driver is dressed as a car seat, is Tom Cruise a passenger? If your DNA gets hacked by teens, which memes will you use to plug the holes? And what passive-aggressive slogan should you print on the jigsaw puzzle you give to your pharmacist? Get hype for this episode of "You May Be Retired, But You'll Always Be a Dentist." Discussed: man dressed as car seat, dressing for...

Our weekly attempt to decipher greater truths from the bustle and hum of the world gets sidetracked, by the loudest hum ever heard. As we listen to what sounds like the vibration of a tens of thousands of tiny wings amplify with urgency, we ask ourselves these questions: Why would scientists release tens of thousands of mosquitoes into the town of Fresno, California? Why did economists flood Fresno with the world's first credit cards sixty years before they filled it with mosquitos? What is...

If a podcast could answer all your deepest questions about existence, would you listen to it? Before you answer, consider this week's conundrums: Does an Amazon shopping algorithm know your own home better than you do? Are meme GIFs contagious, and if so, can they give your hard drive a cold? When a security robot drowns in a mall fountain, is the robot played by Mel Gibson or Joe Pesci? Now, choose. (If you choose incorrectly, a robot will put you in a dumpster.) Discussed: Resin...

A podcast of deeply important questions, asked by you, answered by us as truthfully as we can. This week: What is Jeff Goldblum doing in hundreds of the world's bathrooms? If an artificial intelligence is forced to speak English, are its civil rights being compromised? Could the government turn your mother into a ringtone? If this episode is found by an Amazon resale bot, we grant you permission to reprint a transcript of its contents on a smartphone case or shower curtain. Discussed:...

As you bolt upright in bed, head still swimming, are you awake or do are you still in the realm of dreams? And while you're pondering that, consider these conundrums: Which television program is a bigger ratings success: News Tonight or Nooz Tonite? Is she Lump? If so, is she too still in your head? What is the Matrix? Unfortunately, you cannot be told what the Matrix is. You must listen to this podcast about it. Send us your questions at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this...

There are more questions, problems, and conundrums out there than can possibly be addressed in a lifetime, but we're doing our part, starting with these: Why did someone hide a room full of monkeys out in the desert, and what are the monkeys inside the room hiding from us? Would you impress your friends with a third thumb, or just sit at home wishing for a fourth one? Is that bee really lashing out because it smells your fear, or is it just put off you didn't consider its feelings? Join us as...

If you had the ultimate power of suggestion over your friends, but only when mumbling while pretending to sleep, how would you use it? Will a coterie of highly specialized Christmas spirits put Santa out of a job? Why die alone on Mars when you can watch someone else do it from your living room couch? Answers to these questions and the rest of life's mysteries, coming to your theater this summer. Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe...

The most deeply important questions on your minds, advised and distilled by us. This week: Why are genies skeptical of your perfect wish to save mankind from itself? Does a robot that eats and poops have a favorite food? Does it feel shame? Is it you? And is there anything more nostalgic than getting the chicken pox from some kid's homemade slime? Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting...

This week things really hit the fan. If you're finding yourself clogged up with steaming, burning questions, if you're knee deep in problems and need advice, relax: We're here in a pinch to flush out the truth. This week: What are the Russians hiding in Britney Spears' Instagram feed? What are the real motives of a man who offers free liverwurst to children? And what am I going to do with all this garlic? Plus: How many times can we be hoisted by stories about poo? Find out inside. Send us...

What stuff, exactly, are dreams made of? Can a robot priest interpret them and, if necessary, absolve you? And, if you didn't believe our embarrassing story about poop, maybe you'll believe this other guy's? All of your questions, your problems, your fears will be individually discussed and assessed by us personally (or handed off to an automated Gmail feature we just learned about). Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an...

We cannot sanction your buffoonery. But we can, and will, personally hand-deliver your questions to Lord Hoistmas. Questions like: What is the true secret of the real 90s? How do you cleverly cover up an regrettable tattoo? And would you eat the best pizza you've ever had in your life if it came with bees? Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by backing our...

Your questions, advised definitively. This week: Would you forego the need to eat if it meant you couldn't reproduce? Can a person like sneezing too much? Like, WAY too much? Is the Law & Order theme song actually a dog? And finally, were we—technically—not totally hoisted by a story in last week’s show? Let's take a closer look. Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to subscribe to an ad-free feed, please consider supporting Idle Thumbs by...

The world is full of minutiae so inconsequential and baffling that sorting through it all isn’t worth your time. Good thing we’re here to sort through it for you! This week: How does a factory farmed chicken cross the road? Do the ‘90s have the emotional capacity to love you back? And who will Luigi doorbell ditch next? These questions and more can be safely checked off your list after listening. Send us email at [email protected]. If you enjoyed this and would like to...

If you come across a stranger on a dark, empty road in the middle of the night, and they tell you they can answer any question you ask, we hope you pick one of these: Does somewhere exist because you've dreamed about it over and over? Why does Lightning McQueen always keep his doors locked? Has anyone ever made a recipe from the back of a Triscuit box, and if so was their name Tristan? If you never encounter that stranger, but still want those answers, listen to this podcast instead. Send...

One day you open the photos app on your cell phone and find it's identified and categorized all of your best friends. Why look, there's a whole album of Chris playing Jurassicanji. Do you even know anyone named Chris? And there's your buddy Herbert. You don't recognize him, but your phone does, so you go with it. It even correctly sorted all of your anthropomorphic candy friends -- including the skinless ones. But why does it think the genie from Aladdin is also this disheveled man covered in...

Learning something new can feel like someone flipped on a light switch in your mind. If that person in your mind could flip the switch off and on whenever they wanted, controlling which things you remember and which you forget, we hope you’d hold onto these thoughts: Why is the Genie from Aladdin afraid of commitment? Did a fourth grader create the world of Banjo-Kazooie, and what grade did he get for it? And, did I just get here, or is that guy with the light switch controlling my brain...

You've been given the chance to re-live your life from the start, with everything you know now. A chance to right wrongs, a chance to show them all? Maybe, if you're lucky. A chance—with our help—to really figure out the mysteries of the world that you missed the first time through? Things like: What do roosters have against Swedish labor unions? How did Sinbad hide himself in plain sight, in every child's copy of the movie Kazaam? What was that guy yelling about outside your apartment that...