Nothing like an Adley HR against BOS the first day of spring training to spike co-host conflict, er, cause  us to demonstrate how one should behave in civil society. Patti’s vocabulary lesson is “pillow contract” in the context of Belli and Tim. Hosmer retires leaving behind a range of feels. Tim Mayza’s fantasy league punishment may send our FBBL all sorts of questionable ways. It’s always a challenge to pick HOU bfs, but Pottymouth finds much to praise about Jake Meyer’s off-season mental focus and Patti wants to have a beer with Grae Kessinger’s grandfather. For the Brewers, Pottymouth selects Jackson Chourio, who finds a way to set an example even at his young age. Patti picks recent O, now Brewer, Joey Ortiz, and lies with exact figures about following his minor league career. There is so much to say about pants, from fashion to labor, to modesty concerns. Patti gets to hold Marty Barrett’s bat, and Pottymouth gets to keep it. We end with an excerpt from John Updike's essay about Ted Williams’ last game. Join us over at Patreon for a tag-team reading of the whole, beautiful tribute. We say “We are a coup-free fantasy league,” “pants is a labor issue,” and “So many letters at this time of beer.” Fight the man, send your game balls to Meredith, get boosted, and find us on Twitter @ncibpodcast, on Facebook @nocryinginbball, Instagram @nocryinginbball and on the Interweb at nocryinginbball.com. Please take a moment to subscribe to the show, and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to NCiB. Become a supporter at Patreon to help us keep doing what we do. Say goodnight, Pottymouth.