What do you do if your spouse decides they need to work on themselves... and then they may (or may not) be willing to work on the marriage?  What do you do if your spouse just refuses to work on your marriage? That is the question of the week, asked by Sam.  He said his wife wants to better herself.  Then, maybe she would address the marriage. As part of my series, answering your questions, I want to address this one.  Because it might just be YOUR question, too!  (If not, you can SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION HERE.) Many times, when a marriage is in trouble, a spouse (or maybe you) just won't address the relationship issues, insisting they (or you) need to work on themselves (or yourself) before looking at the marriage. The binary question:  "work on me or work on WE?" stands out.  But does it have to be so binary.  Is it really one or the other?  Or is there another way to approach this? If you try to force a spouse to work on the relationship, that won't work... and might make things better.  So, what CAN you do? Listen to this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast for my response.   RELATED RESOURCES Don't Try to Convince Showing UP in Marriage Dealing with Conflict The Importance of Self-Expansion The Save The Marriage System HERE