“My adventuring party and I were in town overnight en route to a beholder’s lair when we stopped for a drink in this hole forsaken by the gods. Against my better judgement I drank some of what they had The bar owner, making extremely aggressive eye contact as I drank it off—I can only imagine this was to intimidate me into finishing the whole tankard—told me it was an exclusive craft ale. It was not. It was only after I had drained an entire tankard of the most pungent, sour liquid I have ever had the misfortune of imbibing (and as an adventurer I’ve taken acid to the mouth in combat,) that a little halfling popped his head out of the keg and loudly exclaimed, “Seb! How many times do I have to tell you that you can’t hide my sandwich in the piss barrel?! You know it gets soggy!” He then proceeded to climb out completely nude, go up to the stage, and play an entire thirty minute trumpet solo with his thoroughly unwashed anus. No matter what any of our party members did to save ourselves, it wouldn’t stop. I begged my goddess for death but she would not answer.
But I must give credit where credit is due. The next day, we all laughed at the beholder and killed it faster than we’ve ever killed another monster of comparable power. I almost felt sorry for it in the end, because it really seemed quite a pathetic creature when just the night before we saw (and tasted) the very bowels of the Abyss and somehow survived.
Four stars. Not five, as one of my companions took massive psychic damage from the halfling’s performance and has not been able to face a moment of sobriety since.
—Aidene Siannodel, Oath of Devotion paladin. (She’s my current DnD character irl!)”
Aidene Siannodel via Apple Podcasts ·
United States of America ·
02/15/24