*Please be aware that this post contains references to self-harm and suicide. When Brenda realised her 11 year old daughter Faith was sexting with an older boy she was shocked. Over the next few years Faith continued to send nudes on her phone and became suicidal, despite her parents' best efforts to support and guide their daughter. Brenda says she eventually realised this: you can't control your child's behaviour, or their pain. Letting go of your own goals as a parent, and acknowledging your child's pain is the best you can do to support your child to find their own way through the trama they're struggling with. It's easy for all of us to assume we've done enough; that the horror stories in the media belong to other families, not those of us who've worked really hard on our parenting and consider ourselves well informed. But they did a great job, and Faith still embarked on a relationship with her mental health that saw her sexting, self-harming, and even attempting suicide. Here's a wake up call for parents (like me) who think they've done everything right, and this won't happen to their children - Brenda and her husband did everything right. Faith says her parents were very sex positive and had discussed porn, self-esteem and coercive control openly. But she started sexting in 6th grade when she got her first mobile phone, around the age most UK children are starting secondary school, and she refused to stop. Faith says it's not just great parenting that makes a happy life for a child. Our children are born with their own inherent problems. She first had suicidal thoughts at the age of 9, and it's still the knee-jerk thought process she goes to during times of stress. Ultimately Brenda wasn't able to change Faith's behaviour, so she and her husband focused on supporting Faith's mental health through counselling and acceptance of how she was feeling. The turning point was when Brenda acknowledged how unhappy her daughter was and openly talked about her suicidal feelings with her. Find out how that conversation went by listening to the podcast. Who are Faith and Brenda? Brenda Ferber is crisis counselor and an award-winning children’s book author based in Florida. When she’s not writing, reading, or talking to kids about books, she’s likely playing tennis or golf, seeing live theater, spending time with her husband and their three fabulous children, or counseling people through Crisis Text Line. Her daughter, Faith Ferber, is a Licensed Master Social Worker working as a therapist in Washington DC. She is also an anti-sexual violence activist, writer, and speaker, and she's a proud member of the LGBTQIA community. You can watch the video of Brenda's decision to send Faith to Wilderness Therapy in the accompanying blog post, where you will also find the story I mention in the podcast about the pivotal talk she had with her daughter about suicide. Crisis Text Line UK 85258US 741741 More teenage parenting tips from Helen Wills: Helen wills is a teen mental health podcaster and blogger at Actually Mummy a resource for midlife parents of teens. Thank you for listening! Subscribe to the Teenage Kicks podcast to hear new episodes. If you have a suggestion for the podcast please email [email protected]. There are already stories from fabulous guests about difficult things that happened to them as teenagers - including losing a parent, becoming a young carer, and being hospitalised with mental health problems - and how they overcame things to move on with their lives. You can find more from Helen Wills on parenting teenagers on Instagram and Twitter @iamhelenwills. For information on your data privacy please visit Podcast.co. Please note that Helen Wills is not a medical expert, and nothing in the podcast should be taken as medical advice. If you're worried about a teenager, please seek support from a medical professional. Podcast produced by James Ede at Be Heard production.