Our life is driven by two key drives and they are often at odds with each other. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how these two drives can be worked together. Drive number one is our need to connect and feel connected. The second drive is our aggression. When when we can merge these drives together it’s called drive neutralization and it will greatly improve your relationships and your performance. Written question: How do successful people think differently about outcomes? Sally needs help with...

Loving someone and treating them with love are two different things. Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us of what we can do to be more proactive in our loving relationships. Written question: Do physical activities help people heal from trauma? Kerri is housing kids from a youth group and wants advice on how to help a traumatized 17 year old open up. Sarah feels like a crappy person and doesn't know why. What can do to get started unpacking these feelings? Margie is putting up simple boundaries and her...

Changing your life is always a difficult task, but it’s nearly impossible without accepting personal responsibility. Dr. Henry Cloud gets into what you should and shouldn’t take responsibility for and how this awareness can transform your life and the options you have. Written question: Lately I feel like my attention and ability to focus is being stolen away from me. There are so many distractions, from email to messaging apps, and group chats, and social media, and all of the other...

How do you stay positive when all of life is coming at you like work, kids, social issues, health problems etc? Dr. Henry Cloud discusses a key element that the mature possess and immature lack: being able to hold the good and bad together at the same time. Written question: Can you offer any advice or strategies to help me find my bearings and start moving forward with purpose and clarity? Connor is struggling with overreacting to his wife’s moods and wants to know how to be more centered....

One of the worst feelings you can have in a relationship is loneliness despite being in the presence of another person. Dr. Henry Cloud works through how this all too common problem can be resolved. He uses the example of “I, Thou” where both people in the relationship are showing up with attunement.  Written question: Is it better to have a counselor that didn't know you previously so as not to have biases? Jonathan wants to open up to others but doesn't know how to connect after a difficult...

What you are capable of, what you are not capable of, and which one is true are all derived from how you perceive yourself within the context of the world and peoplearound you. Dr. Henry Cloud shares ways to expand how you look at yourself, what you’re capable of, and your relationships with what is outside you. Adrienne needs help dealing with a short tempered father. Lizzie doesn't know whether a romantic interest is safe after he withheld some important things from her. Donna is hoping for...

How is it possible that your day to day life can heal you? Dr. Henry Cloud explains how specific but small changes in your day to day life can lead to big changes. Lauren asks Dr. Cloud how to grieve a friendship that's over. Erika is having trouble healing from financial trauma that's causing poor spending behaviors. Mandy was neglected by her mother and is still having trouble finding safe and meaningful way to connect with her.   Boundaries.Me Plus is on sale until of the end of the...

The past is the best predictor of the future. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how patterns can be utilized to change your future. By looking at the past honestly we can begin altering our present actions. Mary needs help addressing her in-laws' toxic behavior. Andrea wants to know when it's the right to time to get exclusive in dating relationships. Dan has started a successful business and is getting regular jobs but needs help focussing on the foundation of the business itself.   Boundaries.Me...

Dr. Henry Cloud talks about why empathy is central to having deeper relationships than you have right now. The power of empathy is that it circles back to us. Dr. Cloud explains how as we listen to others and understand their feelings we will begin emotionally regulating ourselves. John is dating someone long distance and wants to know if there's a "right" way to do it. Sally had an affair a while ago and still feels shut out of the relationship. Ginger is trying to find peace after losing a...

Dr. Cloud explains how relationship pain can linger in our lives even when the relationship is over for the right reasons. He lays out ways to start reconnecting with others and working on healthier attachments. Joie's 21 year old son is getting married this weekend and she hasn't met his fiancé yet. Cheryl's 22 year old son went through a bad break up and is literally losing his hair. Emily is having trouble moving on from her alcoholic ex-husband. Kris needs help drawing boundaries around...

Welcome back to the Dr. Cloud Show! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about big obstacles and and small obstacles. How do you know which is which, and furthermore what kinds of tactics are you bringing to surmount them? Callers: Lori is having trouble managing a working relationship with an ex-husband she owns a business with. Jeremy has a 13 year old daughter that started dating and doesn't know where the line is with being overprotective. Therese went through a divorce and is wants to...

If you've listened to Dr. Cloud before then you know how much he cares about time and energy. Around the holidays this is especially important. He talks about how to utilize your time and energy so that you're getting the most out of this special time of year. Kieran is trying to spend more time with his girlfriend but her sister is getting in the way. Alexis wants to make peace with her mom without getting manipulated in the process. Maron is feeling dating fatigue and wants to know if she's...

The Dr. Cloud Show returns! In this episode Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how to get through the holidays with a smile on your face. He takes a call from Betsy who is looking to help her friends through difficulty in their marriage. Carol needs help setting boundaries around financially helping her adult daughter. And Colleen is having trouble with the spiritual aspects of joining a secular support group.   Boundaries.Me Plus is on sale until of the end of the year. You can get a full year of...

What is the psychology of becoming yourself? How is your identity formed? This is a deceptively layered question related not only to your past, but to your present and future. There is a concept here that’s important to understand: your true self, and your false self are not the same. We all understand who our true selves are, but our false selves are that person we show to the world out of fear, insecurity, or lack of understanding where we fit in. Sometimes, we lose track of who is who. Dr....

In this third final mini session on difficult conversations Dr. Cloud talks about getting clear about the purpose you’re bringing to the conversation. What are you trying to do? Are you trying to win, trying to persuade, to convince, to show you are right? Or, are you trying to find a solution? When we come with the goal of finding a solution that works for both sides it becomes motivational. This is how we leave a conversation with real change on the horizon. When we transform the other...

In this highlight, Dr. Cloud goes into part two of his session on having a difficult conversation. This one is all about preparation. How do you bring your best and keep your fear in check when entering into a difficult conversation? First, you have to have a difficult conversation with yourself. What splinter is stuck in your finger? We have to take that splinter out before we go into the conversation. Sometimes we do that by talking with someone that isn’t involved in the situation to bleed...

This is part one of a short series on how to have difficult conversations. In this highlight Dr. Cloud talks about an important skill to build before having a difficult conversation. In this session, he talks about how to create safe space for conversations that could explode. There are a few major issues that arise in difficult conversations: fight, flight or freeze. Dr. Cloud shares ways to make the conversation psychologically safe for the other person. A psychologically safe space is...

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about how we hold ourselves back internally from being who we want to be, or doing what we want with our lives. As children we are kept on short leashes and as we become adults it can be extremely difficult to accept our freedom. No one is holding the leash anymore, but in our heads it’s still there. As long as we keep these mental leashes in our minds, our lives will stay very small. You might associate leash with a comfort zone, and that’s...

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about love and limits. One of the more difficult things about loving others is that we make ourselves vulnerable. Codependency easily arises in relationships when we fear losing love and enable bad behavior to prevent that love from leaving. The question then is whether we’re loving them fully when we don’t set limits around bad behavior. Dr. Cloud argues that in fact love and limits working in tandem are required in order for healthy love....

In celebration of 5 years of Boundaries.Me, we are hosting an open house October 17-31! All of our courses, coaching, and community are available for free during this time, with no credit card and no purchase required. Visit http://www.boundaries.me/openhouse to join us.   In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about one sure fire way to ruin relationships: Fairness. Why would fairness ruin all of our relationships? Because it requires perfection, and none of us can live up to...

In this highlight, Dr. Cloud talks about something all of us are guilty of: avoiding pain. The psychologist RD Laing said, “There is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain.” Avoiding pain is a prescription for more pain. Dr. Cloud shares ways to address pain with less fear, and stop avoiding pain.   Dr. Cloud's next workshop is called The Path. The Path is a life-changing online workshop that will teach you...

You’ll constantly hear about two main areas to improve on in your life: the physical and the metaphysical. But that’s not the whole story. In fact, it’s missing a HUGE part of our lives–the third leg of the stool if you will. In no particular order there are three areas we  we need to maintain and improve on in our lives. One is our physical bodies. Next we have our metaphysical side (our thoughts, moods, spirit etc.). And third we have who we are connected with, our relationships. Having...

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud presents us with a seeming paradox of growth: developing new abilities and meeting challenges involves struggle. Trees need wind in order to stay standing–they need the stress of wind to stimulate the growth of deeper roots. It’s a parallel that applies to us humans too. Good stress fosters growth. Just like we need resistance to grow muscles, we need metaphysical challenges to grow spiritually and mentally. Not only do we need to change the way we...

In this highlight from the show, Dr. Cloud talks about how and why we procrastinate and gives us some deceptively simple ways to address it. It starts with shrinking the task. Because the things we are putting off doing are always overwhelming in some way, the key is in breaking it down to one simple thing you can do. It’s not that you lack the ability to do the thing you’re avoiding, it’s just that you aren’t moving. Your emergency brake is engaged. Get that parking brake off, pop that tiny...

Starting on a successful path of growth requires having a good accountability partner. So what makes for a good accountability partner? Dr. Cloud goes through a short checklist of what to seek out and what to avoid in our candidates.    Dr. Cloud's next workshop is on Healing Parental Wounds. In this 2-hour live streaming webinar Dr. Cloud will help you identify your parental relationship injuries, understand how to face them, and give you the practical tools and advice you need to grow...