Safe to say most human problems stem from other humans. Lately, I’ve been coaching a number of people who are starting relationships or are reaching a place where it is obvious that something has to change.  Here is a short list of relationship characteristics that I think need to be there for a lasting bond.  1.     Do I feel safe? Does my partner feel safe?  Are you a safe person? 2.     Do I know what I want? And that doesn’t mean a huge 2-page list of criteria because no one exists like that. people will say that they want people of similar values; even people with the same values do very different behaviors.   3.     Do I have fun? Or is it hard? Is it work? Are you always second-guessing?  4.     Don’t be a therapist with your partner.  5.     Learn the highly refined skill of going 2nd (or Other) position). Be able to really be in other person’s shoes and see it from their point of view.   6.     Avoid getting involved with people who lie, deceive, or do drugs or heavy alcohol. 1st, addicts only do 1st position.  7.     Check your expectations at the door. I  8.     Let them be their own person. Let them enjoy their passions as you do yours.   9.     Remember it takes 90 days for the real person to emerge and the shadows.  Is there a give-and-take? Or does it seem one-sided?   10. Are you projecting? Seeing something in communication or behavior that isn’t there.   11. Do your own work. If there is a conflict or you don’t like something, NLP’ers have a lot of technology to change it in themselves: anchoring, conflict resolution, and reframing.    Support the show