Weighing in at 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, our latest pinched loaf of pure Rogertainment is Bullseye!, a 1990 comedy starring Roger Moore and Michael Caine as two petty criminals pursuing a nuclear physicist and his patron, played by Michael Caine and Roger Moore. Hilarity ensues, probably.

A skeleton flies a plane into a Scottish forest, and in that plane Rodge and Tony find a secret formula that will make all fossil fuels obsolete! Soon people are throwing punches, girls and million-dollar contracts at them both, but with the mystery of the skeletal aviator still unsolved, they have no alternative but to wait for the fabulous Nicola Pagett to sort it all out for them.

And we’re back at last — a fresh slab of Rogertainment, with a couple of ripper Aussie sheilas along for the ride. When organised crime boss Robert Verrier’s butler is unexpectedly exploded, he becomes convinced that Simon Templar is the killer. Hilarity ensues, of course, and Simon has no choice but to impersonate the assassin to uncover the real culprit.

This month: New York! With a horribly miscast Roger Moore as Sherlock Holmes and a horribly misjudged John Watson in Patrick Macnee, Sherlock Holmes in New York is the story of a ruddy-cheeked and thoroughgoingly heterosexual consulting detective, his toffy-nosed dimwit sidekick, and their inexplicably beautiful girlfriend (Charlotte Derampling), who all harbour a dark secret, in the form of an appalling American moppet called Scott. Plus, all of the world’s gold has been stolen, or at least...

This month, Steed and Mrs Peel are joined by John Le Mesurier, while we are joined again by Steven B, ably assisting us as we investigate various military bigwigs with improbable facial hair, who appear to be leaking valuable secrets to our enemies. Meanwhile, Diana Rigg’s Spotlight photo is getting one hell of a workout. Which is impossible to object to, really.

This month, we’re joined by Steven B from New to Who to investigate the theft by some puppets of the blueprints for a new atomic weapon. Inevitably, Lady Penelope gets tied to a bomb or something, and we have mere moments to locate her before she is completely exploded. The sets are lavish, the hardware is impressive and the eyebrow lifts are the most expensive and time-consuming eyebrow lifts until Rodge takes over as Bond. Thunderbirds are go, in The Man from MI.5.

After a disastrous attempt to record a commentary on No Time to Die results in several cinemagoers calling the police, we decide to regroup, get some drinks in, and hold a roundtable discussion of Daniel Craig’s last film in the role. So: when SPECTRE holds a Christmas drinks thing despite Covid restrictions and everyone ends up feeling quite unwell, James Bond, Felix Leiter and 007 (it’s complicated) team up (sort of) to find the renegade scientist responsible. A whole bunch of things...

This month, advertising account executive Gary Fenn (Roger Moore) and fiery underwear model Marla Kougash (Claudie Lange) find themselves on the run as they try to foil a violent fascist takeover of Great Britain. Meanwhile Richard (Martha Hyer), James (Dudley Sutton), Brendan (Mark Ruffalo) and Nathan (an extremely rosaceous Sir Bernard Lee) take copious liquid advantage of the recent lifting of Sydney’s lockdown by slurring their way through the long-forgotten quota quickie Crossplot.

This month, James finds himself drugged, sweaty and trapped in a prison cell with a wastepaper basket and no visible means of escape, while Richard insistently questions him about the identity of the mysterious Renfield or something. Meanwhile, Brendan and Nathan flap about uselessly outside. It sounds like a job for The Champions.

Holy Peripheral Relevance, Batman! This month, the Dynamic — er — Four have pursued patron-saint-of-the-podcast Joan Collins to Gotham City, where she makes a surprising guest appearance in an episode of Batman as the mesmeric Lorelei Circe, whose voice has an uncanny power over heterosexual men. (Fortunately we’re all very neatly tucked and wearing the Bat-Earplugs for this one.)

This month, it’s a queasy mixture of the Swinging Sixties and the Punching-People-in-the-Face Seventies, as Steed, Purdey and Gambit try to discover who is encouraging so many sweaty government security personnel to discotheque themselves to death, and why. It’s The New Avengers in Angels of Death.

This week, we answer the eternal question, “Why the hell are we watching this?” with a resounding “Dunno”, as we plumb the depths of Reagan-Era film-noir-lite with the first episode of the TV show that gave the world Pierce Brosnan — Remington Steele.

This month, we’re off to Geneva to rescue the handsome Captain Munro from Spearhead from Space, who has been abducted and held captive in the Romanian Embassy by some people who are apparently doing the accent. It’s a jolly old heist, involving Patrick McGoohan, the lovely Jane Merrow, Mr Range from Frontios and, in the true spirit of the Kate O’Marathon, Kate O’Mara herself. For a few minutes.

This month, we resume last year’s abortive Kate O’Marathon with an episode of The Persuaders! from 1972, in which Tony Curtis and Roger Moore join forces to fail to recover a retired spy’s sensational memoirs, while Marla and Melania conceal a dark secret about their husband’s astonishing hairpiece.

This month, we commemorate the death of Sean Connery by revisiting the first nail in the coffin of his movie career, the 1998 film The Avengers, starring Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman as crude robot replicas of John Steed and Mrs Peel, who go up against the wet sporran of Connery’s single most villainous role, Sir August de Wynter — a man who selflessly tries to provide the population of Great Britain with something interesting to make small talk about.

This month, we all don our flattest Regency trousers and head underground for an evening of wrestling, wassailing and wenching to support the admirable cause of bringing down the British Government. And Peter Wyngarde is here too, looking as devilishly handsome as ever. It’s Part 2 of our Diana Rigg marathon: the 1966 Avengers episode A Touch of Brimstone.

This month, we celebrate the life of the late Dame Diana Rigg, who left us earlier this month. And we do this by watching one of the most beloved — and one of the most disliked — episodes of The Avengers. It’s Epic, in which Mrs Peel is kidnapped by three washed-up actors playing two washed-up actors and a washed-up director, who are awful enough to believe that it’s fun to watch Mrs Peel being repeatedly threatened with certain death. And, turns out, it is.

This month, our Kate O’Marathon continues with an episode from the final series of The Avengers, in which Steed gets repeatedly punched in the face, while some hot O’Mara-on-Tara action takes place in the next room.

This month, our Kate O’Marathon commences with a 1968 episode of The Champions, in which Miss O’Mara does some light shoplifting in the hope of scoring some deadly crack for the weekend, and the four of us team up to use our slightly racist superpowers to stop her.

This month, we head back to the gritty and hardbitten 1970s to check in on one of our favourite Bond girls, Joanna Lumley (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Bond Meets Black Emmanuelle), in the show that made her a household name, The New Avengers.

– A journalist? I hope you haven’t come to write lies about us. – Well, that’s a difficult question, Colonel, because what is truth to me could be lies to you. This month, our guard of honour continues with an episode of Danger Man from 1960, in which the glorious Honor Blackman stars as the wife of a journalist falsely accused of espionage. Will the eponymous Patrick McGoohan be able to save him from the clutches of the opportunistic Colonel Rodriguez? And, more importantly, can he do...

– Well, well. The Saint, no less. I know a great deal about you. – I’m flattered. – Don’t be. I follow your exploits with extreme distaste. That article about you in The Times last Sunday was the most nauseating thing I’ve seen in print. – Tried reading your own columns? This month, our tribute to Honor Blackman continues as we revisit the earliest days of Rogertainment with the seventh episode of The Saint — The Arrow of God. A gossip columnist and blackmailer has been murdered,...

You didn’t really think you could take over this country with a few fanatics in fancy dress. This month, we celebrate the life of Honor Blackman, who died this week at the age of 94, by watching one of her early episodes as Cathy Gale in The Avengers. In this episode, The Mauritius Penny, Mr Steed and Mrs Gale team up to defeat a gang of murderous dentists and stamp collectors who plan to overthrow the British government and install a fascist dictatorship decades before that sort of thing...

Thank heaven for English theatre bars. We’ve had two acts of this play, complete suffering both onstage, and off. This month, we head back to the earliest days of Rogertainment with the very first episode of The Saint (1961), in which Roger Moore teams up with a future Bond girl, the glittering Shirley Eaton, to thwart a serial wife-killer who will one day control every computer in the galaxy. Or something. It’s all a bit confusing really.