In this episode we talk over how we intentionally plan for a peaceful holiday season when you both have different ideas about what that means. If you would like an assist in your planning grab a copy of Jenna's Peaceful Christmas PlannerLinks: Peaceful Christmas Planner Habit Reboot E-Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching >>> Would you consider financially supporting our ...

In this episode we discuss how often our logical conversations can turn into emotional ones and what to do when that happens. Refer to our episode: How to stop fighting over stupid stuffFor the Peaceful Christmas Planner, email [email protected]. Links: Peaceful Christmas Planner Habit Reboot E-Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching >>> Would you consider fina...

In this episode, we dive deep into the art of sharing pain with vulnerability and compassion. We also address the common challenge of feeling a deficit after sharing and how to turn to the Lord to fill those emotional gaps. This episode is packed with practical exercises and guidance to help you speak your pain effectively while maintaining love and connection in your relationship. Tune in for powerful strategies that can transform how you and your spouse communicate during difficult moments....

How many times has conflict in your marriage led to a huge blow up? One person starts off by trying to share their heart and an hour later you're both left with more hurt than where it started? There's a reason this happens. Most of the time it can be found when the order of operation is broken. The order of operation in math states that to find the correct answer to an equation, you must know what order to solve it in. When our conflicts go awry, there was likely a break in the proper o...

In this episode, we interview Jill & Mitch Martin who’ve been empty nesters for the past 7 years and what connection has looked like for them before and after their kids left the house.Get my Habit Reboot E-Course!Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: Habit Reboot E-Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching >>> Would you consider financially supporting our sho...

In this episode we talk about the culture shifting power of apologies; offering them freely and frequently. This is different than fawning which is apologizing for anything and everything in an attempt to appease or placate. This also different than admitting guilt or wrongdoing. The kind of freely-given, frequent apologies we're talking about are those that begin with a recognition that my actions affect my spouse. And there are plenty of scenarios in a given day when I miss the mark. Not be...

This episode shares one of the simplest and yet most profound keys to changing the culture in your marriage. Gratitude. Now hear us out! We will share how gratitude provides one of the greatest ROI's in relationships, how we will face internal resistance to it, what it looks like to create practical habits and real life stories of it at work in our marriage.Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit Lab Mastery Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coachin...

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron share the secret sauce to seeing change in your marriage. It's simpler than you think. Just more humbling.Links for upcoming courses and coaching options: The Habit Lab Mastery Course Online Small Group - Porn Recovery Course Couples Coaching, Habit Coaching, Porn Recovery Coaching, Emotional & Relational Health Coaching >>> Would you consider financially supporting our shows? We set-up a secure way for you to do that. This helps Je...

In this episode, Jenna and Aaron talk through a conflict they had that morning. This particular one was not a new dynamic in their relationship and had created disconnection many times before. However, this time they successfully paused in dysregulation, intentionally moved towards connection and set some boundaries.Main takeaways:If your buttons are getting pushed, remember, they are your buttons and you are responsible for themIf you are the one unintentionally pushing buttons, it's not you...

In this episode we explore the pitfalls of comparing your spouse to others and the negative impact it can have on your relationship. This comparison can create feelings of judgment and inadequacy, leading to a decline in positive affection and increasing resentment. By idealizing other people's spouses, you set unrealistic expectations and can inadvertently foster a sense of longing or even lust for qualities that are not present in your partner. This pattern is dangerous for creating, healin...

Take 10 week to invest in building better habits with Jenna's Mastery Course Class starts Oct 1, 2024-Can passivity be the silent killer in your marriage? In this episode, Aaron and Jenna get real about their own struggles with passivity, sharing how ignoring, avoiding, or delaying discomfort led to feelings of being stuck. Through candid personal stories, they shed light on how this behavior can evolve into rationalizations and bitterness, affect...

Take 10 week to invest in building better habits with Jenna's Mastery Course Class starts Oct 1, 2024-In this episode of Marriage Lab, Aaron and Jenna dive into the realities of maintaining a strong connection in marriage, especially during transitions and busy seasons. They share personal stories and insights on how small, consistent habits can significantly impact a marriage's health. They discuss how even brief disconnects, like those experienc...

In this episode, we talk about our tells around defensiveness. What are the signs that we are becoming defensive as a listener, specifically when our spouse is sharing pain? Here are a few we identify within ourselves:The desire to edit the details of what the other person is sharingInterrupting the speakerJudging the speakers thoughts and/or feelingsFeeling anger (frustration, annoyance)Wanting to explain myselfThese are signs that our defenses our up and our ears and empathy is off. Wh...

In this episode our good friends, Jordan and Claire, share with us how they each grew in the ability to care for each others needs despite the fear that their own would never get met. Jenna and I (Aaron), have done a number of Couples Coaching sessions with them in which we witnessed a masterful use of the communication tools in the midst of processing pain and feeling defensiveness.They discuss how to properly validate, have compassion and help the other person feel seen and heard before pas...

It's been both our experience of ourselves and of many other marriages that we've coached, that there is one spouse who has a propensity towards Control. We define "control" as one person's attempt at manipulating the outcome through managing another person's actions. In this episode, Jenna talks about how control shows up for her and what is happening on a deeper level, namely with fear. She lays out the growth path for those who are struggling with trying to control their spouse and th...

In this episode the Zints share about 4 ways to move away from "Roommate mode" and back to intimate connection with your spouse. These include:Sharing openly what you're experiencing without blaming (use emotion language and share about yourself, not the other person).Be intentional with your connection time.Express affection: small gestures of affection like holding, hands, hugging or complimenting each otherGet help. Your marriage shouldn't be lived in isolation. Bring others in for perspec...

Don't be overwhelmed by your summer! You can balance all that's on your plate- while still hitting your hopes. Grab Jenna's mini course as your guide to: Set-Up Your Summer In this episode- Jenna & Aaron talk about how you can do the same thing but with a different motivation- and it can shift everything. What is your motivation? Are you telling yourself you are powerless & "have to do XYZ" because of your spouse? That's your sign your feeding resentment.What if y...

Buy Jenna's mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer.Dr. Gary Chapman's Love Languages concept and consequent books revolutionized our understanding of how we communicate, hear and receive love, especially in marriage. It became a tool we used constantly to better understand ourselves and our spouse. And, we commonly misused this tool as a way to better serve ourselves rather than its original intent: to love others better.This is what we'd call a user error. When the ...

Buy Jenna's mini-course: Setting-up Your Summer.Aaron and Jenna begin a series titled "What I wish I knew" sharing what they wish they'd learned early in marriage. This first part dives into the topic of "urgency." Most conflicts in the early stages of relationships feel urgent. They become very high stakes when they don't need to be. Why? Because it's possible to be connected even when there is no resolution to the problem. This brings us to the scripture from Ep...

Link to online small group interest form: HERELaughter echoes through even our most challenging times, and this episode kicks off with a tale from a men's retreat that'll have you chuckling along with us. But as our conversation turns, we confront the shadows within marriage—specifically, the silent struggle of porn addiction. We open up about the emotional toll this addiction takes on the non-addicted spouse, illustrating the journey through feelings of betrayal to finding a path towards hea...

Needing support in walking out of a porn addiction? Join Aaron's Online Small Group which is set up to help men struggling with porn to get connected and begin to bring attention to the areas in their life that makes porn feel like the best and only option.You can also check out Aaron's book, Numb to Known: the surprising path away from porn. In this episode, Aaron talks about how most porn addictions start at a young age and are sustained through adulthood through cycles of isolation, p...

3 Unpopular Opinions About Porn Your porn use is not a reflection on your spouse. That is, it's not their faultPorn is not your problem. Porn is the solution you've chosen to the real problemYou and God cannot fix this. It must be you and God and other people. >>> Would you consider financially supporting our shows? We set-up a secure way for you to do that. This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you! We appreciate it so much. Simply...

Have you ever said, "We got in a big fight about something so small and stupid!" It happens in every marriage when there is emotional pain behind a "small and stupid" logistical problem.  In this episode, Jenna and Aaron reverse engineer their fight about a toothbrusher charger and how something so small and stupid had the potential to create a lot of disconnection but didn't.  >>> Would you consider financially supporting our shows? We set-up a secure way for you to do that. This...

Do you know what prolongs most conflict? The thing that keeps people stuck in disconnect? The pursuit of fairness. Why? Because it hinders love itself. Jesus didn't model fairness in His life or sacrifice. He modeled sacrificial love.  Love, as Jesus modeled it, will transform your marriage.  >>> Would you consider financially supporting our shows? We set-up a secure way for you to do that. This helps Jenna & Aaron to continue to be able to prioritize making content for you!...