Join us as we math it out, suss it out, and legitimately incorporate the phrase “Tequila Shots” into a sports discussion. Pottymouth’s roster has an abundance of Ellys and a teaching  moment  about  catching home runs in a full beer.  Her recent history is dotted with Dodgers Hernandi, one for heroics, one for the dangers of being mic’d up while at work. Patti’s team has a pitcher getting booed in Yankee Stadium for all the right reasons, and a late roster add coming through big. Bfs past and...

Josh Gibson finally gets his due as greatest hitter of all time, now let’s name the award after him. Stats from the Negro Leagues are finally integrated into the MLB stats and we see how opportunity affects counting stats vs rate stats. Winn and Volpe snap some streaks and in one case we end up with a DiMaggio sandwich. We lose more bfs to the IL –  Grissom is back out, Means and Wells are season-ending out. Patti is grateful Yoshinobu is holding his own and her closer is back. Joey Gallo is...

We share important life lessons from the wide world of baseball, including, keep your popcorn close, watch the rebound, and tipping the bullpen cart driver is good karma. Patti risks killing streaks by bringing up CLE wins and Volpe hits. Former NCiB boyfriends give Pottymouth a chance to talk about her favorite play, stealing home. LaMonte Wade, Jr takes the upcoming Rickwood Field game honoring the Negro Leagues as a chance to talk representation right now. Are the Birmingham Southern...

In which we pin down math around catching foul balls, our medical thoughts of pregnancy vs belly button rings (congrats to Cole Tucker and Vanessa Hudgens BTW), and our astute observation that betting with an illegal bookie is illegal whether it’s on baseball or not. It’s in the name. Elly continues to exceed expectations, Vaughn does not but maybe if he eats a sandwich things will kick in. Alan Rickman and Adley Rutchsman combine for Patti’s favorite homerun call. We learn that it doesn’t...

Welcome to West Coast Corresponded Deborah, filling in for Patti who is off celebrating our intern’s graduation. Deborah’s bfs are making up for lack of bats with all the steals. Elly continues to climb the all time steal boards, and Zack Short becomes Zack Short Stay. Willson Contreras’ injury leads to some choices about how to avoid catcher interference dangers – robo umps? Catcher’s box? How ‘bout that other Contreras, leading the Brewers? Paul Skenes debuts to comparisons to Stras,...

It’s the Cinco de Mayo episode where the limes are organic and the salt is Kosher. Pottymouth’s Vaughn Grissom watch is rewarded, Luis lights it up, and Maysin makes her roster. For Patti, John Means business and Jack Suwinski can sure time a hit. Josés are in trouble and just when you think he can’t achieve any more firsts, Judge gets ejected. Did you see that Luis Arráez trade coming? We sure did not. The Police  Blotter teaches us the difference between Community Labor and Community...

As we lament the boyfriends we did not select for our fantasy teams, we observe Passover with mezcal. Should we have gone with Logan O’Hoppe and Joey Ortiz? Solid maybe. Mike Tauchman and the oppo Tauchos? Unrelated to the Mexico series tacos, of course. Patti’s guys Zach, Will, and Evan are crushing the multi-hit games, and Pottymouth favorite Elly is on track for a ridiculous number of stolen bases (Pottymouth’s math is SOLID.) LAD pitching is not just crazy good, it is death-defying. Josh...

Kenley Jansen and Craig Kimbrel are climbing to the top of the all time saves list so the takeaway is don’t yeet the ball from the last out. Looking at you, Colton “more cowbell” Cowser. Andrew hits homer #300, Adley hits grand slam #1, and Josh hits his head. On purpose. Neto can’t get a day off, Oswaldo can but Pottymouth says please don’t – or maybe yes?  Elly remains good at baseball, and Patrick is finally off  the IL. Patti loves the collaborative “people’s celly” of the BAL hydration...

Our first visit to OPACY this season was an anticipated debut, a miracle of (not)rain, and a much heralded yet underwhelming Jackson vs Jackson smackdown. And lots of attention to the number seven. Elly has us considering a road trip to CIN, and Vaughn makes us think Worcester is nice this time of year. Zach has six runs to his credit in only one game, but the wrong direction. Spencer is down for the count but now we know more about internal braces, so there’s that. Brianna Wakefield’s...

We workshop the LMB acronym to account for the Mexican League signing players of questionable character. We aren’t just yanking Verdugo’s chain, we are teaching you valuable vocabulary in multiple languages. We review your four options when you catch a home run ball during a game, starting with It Belongs To You. A little over a week in and our guys with slow starts are getting the bats in gear. We’ve got home runs bouncing off gloves and walls, we’ve got new nicknames (Turn and Burn...

Welcome to Season 8 of No Crying in Baseball! Join us as we laugh, fight, make (probably) terrible predictions, and drink beer from the North (and the northeast). Pottymouth is team Jeff, and Patti is team Rhys and everything gets back to Dustin and Manny. We talk Opening Day – Did Patti write the talking points for the new Os ownership? She’s definitely shopping for a Maryland Tough Baltimore Strong tee shirt. Tyler is Pottymouth’s new best friend and she is feeling good about her Oswaldo...

As we head to Opening Day, we bring you our fantasy lineups, walk you through the whole Ohtani kerfuffle, and Optimist Patti enjoys her new nickname. Blake Snell finds a team at last, while Francisco Lindor and Edwin Diaz make a video showing their love for Puerto Rico. Optimist Patti makes a pro/con list for Peter Angelos. There are no winners. Our Police Blotter, in addition to a primer on MLB gambling rules for players and staff, highlights TB’s (not Tampa Bay’s) alternate Spring Training,...

In a weakened moment of falling for Pottymouth logic, Patti agrees to a change in our fantasy team rules and we select pitchers from two teams instead of just one. Pottymouth shares her picks from the Mariners and Phillies, and Patti goes Dodgers/Orioles. We don’t think Josh Winckowski’s excuse will get you out of jury duty but it worked for him, sort of. What’s a “brace procedure” and why are we just  hearing of this? The Rancho Cucamonga Quakes allow Pottymouth to teach us more Spanish...

In our last week of profiling position players, or “Adley Day” in Patti’s world, we pick our guys from the Os and ATL. For BAL, Ryan O’Hearn gets the Pottymouth nod with an extra point for Bull Durham, while Patti sticks with her once and forever catcher. For The Hammers, Patti picks spring training standout Eli White and Pottymouth corrects a wrong while selecting Orlando Arcia. Joey finds a home at home, bad boy Josh retires, Mookie heads to short, and Lance gets tossed from the dang...

Kiké and Tony Clark dance around the idea of collusion, and let Fanatics take the lead on talking about pants. Robinson Canó heads to Mexico, Matt heads back to the Bay, and Brandon does what needs to be done. For Tampa Bay, Pottymouth completes her Lowe brothers set and Patti remembers the fun of the WBC and picks Paredes. Over at the Dodgers, Pottymouth goes with the flow and selects James Outman, while Patti chooses Diego Cartaya and his bodybuilder mom. Crosstraining Congratulations to...

Nothing like an Adley HR against BOS the first day of spring training to spike co-host conflict, er, cause  us to demonstrate how one should behave in civil society. Patti’s vocabulary lesson is “pillow contract” in the context of Belli and Tim. Hosmer retires leaving behind a range of feels. Tim Mayza’s fantasy league punishment may send our FBBL all sorts of questionable ways. It’s always a challenge to pick HOU bfs, but Pottymouth finds much to praise about Jake Meyer’s off-season mental...

Spring training has begun, there are still key free agents out there, there’s some arbitration scorekeeping to do, and will it take all five years to get some women on the short list for the next commissioner of baseball? This week we talk boyfriends on the World Series champion Rangers – Jonah Heim for Pottymouth and Patti’s early claim on Evan Carter is confirmed. Over at the Phils, Pottymouth visits the Nick Castellanos school of buttons for her Johan Rojas selection, and Patti picks...

The Royals lock down Bobby Witt, Jr. for 11 years, and HOU says yes to Jose Altuve for another five. The arbitration scoreboard is currently tipped in the players’ direction at the halfway point, including a record-setting win for Vladdy. We wish Corey Kluber all the best in his retirement, Patti with much happier memories than those of Pottymouth. This week we look at Toronto, where Pottymouth selects Kevin Kiermaier with a really we haven’t picked him yet, and Patti highlights Davis...

Patti is practically giddy with new ownership and a new Ace for the Os. Our new guys for Seattle are actually the newest guys for Seattle, Jorge Polanco and Samad Taylor. For Miami, Pottymouth selects Vidal Bruján and Patti makes it two consecutive De La Cruz weeks with her pick of Bryan. We cross train hard with hockey, from our cask-beer fueled hockey shoot out, to Joey Votto menacing mascots, to hug cellies gone bad. Lots of our favorites are playing in the Serie del Caribe, hosted in...

Not sure if it is our pride or our ages talking but we’ve reached the point where active players we’ve profiled on the show are now Hall of Famers. Congrats to Joe Mauer and Adrian Beltre, and also to Todd Helton even if he was before our (NCiB) time. The hot stove takes Philly favorite Rhys Hoskins to MIL, and brings Cookie Carrasco home to CLE. Joc Pederson tries out yet another NL West team, and the Nats bring Joey Gallo to a ballpark near us. Congrats on the retirement, Collin McHugh, and...

Snow days are fun but they do not keep us from thinking about the boys of summer. It’s always tricky for us to pick our NYY bfs because of, well, general vitriol. But we persevere and end up disliking the team a little less. Pottymouth wants the team to give Oswaldo Cabrera a real shot, and Patti can’t help appreciating the deep fandom in Anthony Volpe’s family. For the Reds, Pottymouth goes for taller twin Elly de la Cruz, and Patti reads “DFA” and instead sees “Immaculate Grid” in Stuart...

Supersized weekend, supersized episode! Who do we want to have a beer with this week? Pottymouth plays her once and forever card and hangs on to Vaughn Grissom, now that he’s with the Red Sox.  Patti selects Harper superfan Masataka Yoshida and his little dog too. For the Padres, Pottymouth gets to say Anzoátegui in reference to José Azócar and Patti picks home run trick shot hitter Matthew Batten. It’s arbitration time so we talk deals and holdouts.  How can Stroman be a Yankee? Teoscar’s...

Character counts, making Bs more valued than As in Oakland. Elsewhere in the Police Blotter the Wander Franco story is growing into a flat out horror show.  In a much happier place, we profile guys from the Tigers and Giants.  For DET, Pottymouth selects Heart and Hustle nominee Matt Vielring and Patti goes for his almost twin Gold Glove finalist Zach McKinstry. For San Francisco, it’s the Grandson of the Wind Jung Hoo Lee for Pottymouth, and West Coast Correspondent favorite Late Night...

We kick off our own New Years Rockin’ Eve with boyfriends from the Guardians and Pirates. Pottymouth goes hopeful with CLE prospect Kyle Manzardo, and Patti selects Will Brennan, Tito’s pal from way back. For PIT, Liover Peguero plays right into  Pottymouth’s  English teacher heart while Patti looks to  her roots with Jack Suwinski. The Red Sox bring on Giolito and trade away Sale and Pottymouth comes to terms with it all. Where’s Wander leads off the Police Blotter, followed by Fox being Fox...

The Dodgers claim Yamamoto and Patti claims Dodgers pitching for FBBL, just that fast. Just when we thought Verdugo could not sink any lower, he goes after his former manager for holding him accountable for his actions, and forces us to agree, a little, with Papelbon. This week’s boyfriends represent LAA and NYM. Pottymouth selects LAA catcher Logan O’Hoppe, not just because it is fun to say his name, but it helps.  Patti goes for SS Zach Neto, a little for the leg kick and a lot for his mom....