Parent's find out what I do and ask me how to get their teen to: like cleaning their room, turn in homework, help out, be nice, stop lying... they want to know how to fix the problem that is their teen's choices. I get it. I was that parent several years ago.  When we see our teen's as something to be fixed, we parent in a very specific way, and it's not so helpful. Tune in to learn more and how to help your teen in a more powerful way.  To preorder my book, How I Fixed My Teen and learn...

The holidays are wonderful and also we're so glad when the busy, chaotic hum is over. But what if we could enjoy them at a more measured pace so that we didn't have to take that exhausted sigh of relief when they're over?  It's possible, and Kristen is here to tell us exactly how! If you're feeling the holiday overwhelm, this episode is for you. No more snipping at the kids because they don't want to play along. No more forcing family traditions that you think you should keep. Let's create...

A special surprise for you, today! I'm writing a book, How I FIxed My Teen, and this is the trailer! I'm so excited to introduce you to my baby that I've been working on this past year. We're set to publish in early 2024 and you'll want to preorder. Visit me at heatherfrazier.com to get on the list. I'll be mailing out signed copies from my website, and even giving you a book club deal if you get +8 books. Also, if you're in the area, or I'm in yours, I'd love to come to your book club! All...

Is it a sneaky hack like, the magic words that get them to like chores? Could it be how to never be ruffled by their harsh words? Perhaps we're missing the key to understanding teen behavior? What if it's a secret consequence that they actually respond favorably to? A way of saying it that they don't get mad at? So many confused, exhausted parents ask me what they're missing, why it's so exhausting, and how they can get their teen to: turn homework in, get up on time, stop lying, start...

In today's episode I speak with marriage expert, Aimée Gianni. We discuss how to be on the same side of the table with your partner on several pointed struggles parents often face: - how to see eye to eye when you disagree on phone/video game/curfew/dating rules -how to 'fight' in front of your kids (show them healthy ways of disagreeing) -how to be a unified force in your parenting when you don't agree -how to deal with a spouse who doesn't support your rules, goes around your...

"And the truth shall set you free..."  It's applicable to parenting as well. I've got two formulas that teach us how truth in parenting is the best way forward to where we want to be. Having a poker face for your family isn't the best approach if you want a close relationship.  Vulnerability + Truth = Intimacy/connection Knowledge + Skilled application = Wisdom I'm going to walk you through 4 points to help you navigate exactly how honesty will guide you to be the best, most loving parent...

"I'm over it." "I give up!" "I have no idea what I'm doing, so I make it worse." "I can't keep doing this." "They're killing me." "I'm just avoiding them until they move out." "I just want to run away/disappear/hide all day..." Its burnout, and there's a logical explanation and fix for it.  Raising kids is so wonderful and terrible and the best opportunity to grow ourselves. And sometimes we're ready for it to be over. Listen in as I shed some light on what's going on. You're not...

We've heard words like enmeshment or codependency within a peer to peer relationship, but did you know that they can also be at play with us and our teens? It messes with us when they don't want to play along with our ideas of what the family should be like, or how they should lead their lives.  When we misattribute who's responsible for creating our feelings and who needs to change before they can be resolved, what can already be difficulties get 10x bigger. Add fuel to the fire, no more! ...

  "You can have it all", we're told, as if it were the best prize ever. So we shoot for it and try to hold all the balls in the air and beat ourselves up when we discover that it's hard to live up to society's standards. Today, Monica and I talk about perfectionism in our parenting, how it affects our kids, how to identify unhealthy tendencies in our kids, and when they point out our mistakes. (Sometimes in very harsh ways).  Our approach to such struggles makes all the difference in our...

Okay, in today's episode I keep it real with the fact that sometimes we just want to be on vaca, far from everyone... including our kids. (Ohh! I said it. And without feeling any mom guilt or shame, to boot.) We all have human monents, and I'm here to normalize that fact. So sit back, push play, and prepare to feel better about not loving parenting your kids every second of every day- no guilt attached. It's possible, and even ideal, as the end result is being a better parent.  To get my 4...

Lying, vaping, cussing, fighting, and being obnoxious in class. Parents get a call or email from their teens' teachers and the shame sets in. Gossiping, bullying, and causing neighborhood backlash and you want to hide under a rock.  Our teens do stuff that we don't appreciate and we try everything to get them to knock it off. Yet they persist. Good news, your kid isn't bad and you aren't a terrible parent. Listen in as I teach you what to focus on that will make the difference, break down...

Having heard it all- a few times over, there are repeat parenting offenders that never end well when you're trying to parent your teens. Listen in as I outline ten of the most popular such as contempt, control, and power struggles. Also, these ten common pain points often come up when trying to negotiate things like phone rules, curfews, dating, and other points which parents and teens need some kind of understanding... and so I've got the perfect cheat sheet to easily navigate these rough...

Do you have a hard time knowing what is true? You're not alone. We tend to not want to see what IS, our brains spin tails about future truths, and others project thier judgments on us like truths. All the while, we parents are trying to love and teach our kids the best we can. With so much confusion, it's easy to not know which end is up when it comes to truth, even when we are interenested in knowing what it is.  Listen in as I teach about the two kinds of truths, how to use truth to...

What do you think about being selfish? In todays episode, I outline the two ways we can be a selfish parent and where each one leads. I also outline five key pieces of how "selfish" plays out in ideal parenting.  Don't worry, you're not going to feel bad about about the time you spend sitting in your car or needing a break every once in awhile- I've got a fresh persepective for you that will help your good parenting be easier to sustain and understanding that will foster emotional maturity...

"shhhhh. Don't talk aobut what is difficult for your family right now." (Except that this is my favorite thing to talk about.) Far too many parents believe the misconception that it's a bad thing to show your struggles. We've been handed down the unhelpful tradition of silence through our family or culture. While updating social media on your teen vaping may not be the answer, neither is keeping all your struggles to yourself.  Our parenting pain needs to see the light of day to heal. This...

Anxiety is currently a buzzword, and for good reason. It wreaks havoc for our kids, thus for us as their parents. We often experience it as well.  It’s easy to feel helpless against the crush of anxiety, but that doesn’t have to be the case any longer. In todays episode of Pivot Parenting, I talk with the anxiety coaching expert, Jill Freestone We talk about the kinds of anxiety, how they present, how we can help our kids through it and every other question on anxiety that you’ve been...

In today's episode, I outline three ways that parents self sabotage by not letting go. Perfectionism and expectations are key players, and can sneak up on us in unexpected ways. How do you know if you're holding on? I will run you through a series of questions to help you self confront, and I even teach you want you DO want to hold onto.  To learn more about parenting your teen, check out Family Connection Design Course, and sign up for my email list to be the first to order my upcoming...

It can be an uncomfortable conversation with our teens- sex, porn, and the shame that purity culture creates around them. Sara and I discuss the finer points of how to approach our own discomfort and talk to our kids about what is inevitably part of the world we live in. Sara shares misconceptions around porn use, and teaches us the number one best way to porn proof your teen. It's definitely not what you might think. This is a not-to-be-missed episode! To learn more about parenting your...

The fourth and final episode of coaching Bill and Anne. Today we talk about teens doing as the please and what happens when one makes the lack of controlling them mean that they're a bad parent. Bill has an imposibble time getting their son to stop annoying everyone in the car. He eventually gets close enough to home to make him walk. What happened, and what could have happened?  It's easy to react poorly right back at them and then beat yourself up, but there is a better way. Listen in as...

Part three of Bill and Anne. Today we discuss their thirteen year olds' poor self-talk. He thinks he's the worst and Bill and Anne feel terrible. We discuss their reactions, ways they can help him, and how they are unintentionally creating more of what they don't want. We also discuss the struggle of other kids wanting to parent their siblings, how Anne is affected by this, and how she is buying into the lie that she isn't doing it right. It doesn't play out well for her, but fortunately she...

Parents can mimic their teens without even realizing it. I coach Anne and Bill for a second time as we discuss how their son disgusts and annoys them with his rude behavior and self importance. They want him to start seeing things like they do. They want him to make progress, which is creating the exact opposite experience than they want.  Getting stuck on what he's doing wrong is leading them to similar behavior that they don't even see until today. Maybe you're invalidating yourself like...

Todays episode is the beginning of a series. You will meet Bill and Anne. Their exuberant son, Gilbert, is too much for the whole family to handle and they struggle to see eye to eye on how to help him best while keeping their cool and managing the other children's frustration towards him. Parenting your teen can be a stress to the marriage, but it doesnt have to be. Both Bill and Anne want the same thing- to feel good and successful and to help their son feel the same. Listen in as I show...

In todays episode, Katie Parker and I discuss the struggles that our tween ladies are experiencing and how we can encourage, love and support them better. Adolescence is hard but we can educate ourselves to be more supportive. We can also give our girls an opportunity to engage in meaningful emotional education. This is Katie's life work. I loved hearing about her tween program and all of the skills she offers young ladies and I know that you will, too.  To learn more about parenting your...

Guesting on Pivot Parenting for a fourth visit, Jennifer Finlayson-fife and I discuss triangulation in families. What is this, how it plays out, its relationship to codependency, and the role that our parental anxiety plays in all of it.  There are 3 typical roles in triangulation: victim, perpetrator and rescuer. We can play all three roles in parenting and none of them are good for us or our teens.  Listen in as Jennifer describes how we.. "can allow our problem to teach us." She breaks...

Every parent's worst nightmare: Realizing that they are the worst parent ever. Our teens are happy to tell us the reasons why, their choices are ample evidence, our world is crushed as reality washes over us.  But what if it's not true? Listen in as I discuss how the fear of failing as a parent plays out it real time and what to do about it. The good news is, you haven't failed and the future is yet to be decided.  To learn more about parenting your teen, please visit me at heatherfrazier.com