In Episode 255, we talk about one of the most common stories we hear: a partner stuck in the rinse-and-repeat cycle of addiction and betrayal, trying desperately to keep the relationship afloat. We received an emotional, raw submission from a listener—“Heartbroken and Exhausted Wife”—who articulated her pain, frustration, and fatigue so clearly that her words resonate as a voice for countless others in similar situations.Her journey reflects years of enduring her husband’s addiction to pornog...

In PBSE episode 254, Mark & Steve respond to a heart-felt submission by a man who has been married for 45 years and for many of those years, the sexual relationship between he and his wife has been very broken. The reasons are multifaceted and very complex. These include—the horror of emotional and sexual abuse his wife endured during her growing up years; an extremely rigid and shame-based religious culture which they both grew up in and continue to participate in; his periodic use of po...

With Episode 253, we just crossed the “One Million Downloads” threshold! And we’re in 204 Countries/Territories worldwide! Thank you to all of our PBSE listeners across the planet! None of this is possible without YOU!In this episode, we address a betrayed partner's questions about the role of pornography in a relationship. Here's what she submitted—Hello, I know you talk about how porn isn’t healthy or true intimacy, but what happens when your partner says they use porn to better learn how t...

In Episode 252, we talk about how our “Culture of Empowerment” at D2C came about; our PASSION for PARTNERS finding their EMPOWERMENT . . . (and addicts of course, but this episode is about partners)The seeming BLARING CONTRADICTION of a betrayed partner “owning her side of the street”!—Betrayed partners find themselves in a variety of situations—The addict partner is not engaged in recovery at allThe addict partner is kind of half-in-half outThe addict partner is working it hard and consisten...

In Episode 251, Mark & Steve respond to a submission by a betrayed partner who is a regular PBSE listener. She describes a long-term, ongoing situation with her partner who struggles with porn use. In the beginning of their relationship, they both agreed that his porn use would not be considered, "cheating." But then a number of years into their relationship, she happened across an online account of his and actually witnessed first-hand the porn he was viewing. It was so shocking to her t...

This is PBSE's 250th Episode! Our deepest gratitude goes out to our global audience of listeners!!! YOU all make this possible! THANK YOU!After reviewing the last several months of PBSE Episodes, we have tackled a LOT of HEAVY topics! For this 250th episode, we want to focus on all of the hopeful, optimistic, positive reasons WHY we all do the CRAZY hard work of betrayal trauma healing and addiction recovery. To illustrate just how "worth it" this can all be, here's a comment that one our of ...

In Episode 249, Mark & Steve respond in detail to a situation and quesiton submitted by the betrayed spouse of porn/sex addict. Here are her words—My husband is very closed off with me. He doesn't tell me important things about his life, family, or what really happens in his 12-Step recovery meetings. It's like I have to know the answer and ask specific questions to get him to talk to me with any sort of detail. I know he used to do this to hide his pornography use and affairs. But even s...

In episode 248, Mark & Steve tackle an extremely intense and heart-breaking submission by a betrayed partner. Here's what she submitted—I have listened to many of your podcast episodes. An area I wish you would do an episode on is how is a spouse to handle it when your porn addicted/SA husband comes home and discloses (not the first time in our marriage) that he has been acting out for several years and contracted an STD. How am I supposed to forgive and get past that? I can’t see ever ha...

In this episode, number 247, Mark & Steve discuss a situation and questions submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. She does a great job presenting a balanced description of their situation, while also being very direct, vulnerable and authentic. Her addict partner has struggled with porn addiction nearly his whole life and when all the "trickle truths" started coming out, it nearly finished off their marriage. But, they both got into therapy and did a lot of hard work ind...

In episode 246, we explore the concept of interdependence in the context of recovery from betrayal trauma and porn addiction. Interdependence, often mentioned but not always fully understood, is a critical aspect of healing and moving forward in a relationship after the discovery of a partner’s addiction. Many betrayed spouses struggle with defining what interdependence looks and feels like, particularly as they navigate the complexities of their partner's ongoing recovery and behavior. Today...

In Episode 245, Mark & Steve respond to an all–too–common, legitimate struggle faced by the betrayed partners of sex/porn addicts. Here's a submission from a partner—My husband is starting a new position within his company where he will be working very closely with this woman. She is highly attractive, and the only female in the male dominated company they work in. He has admitted a few times that “_______” is beautiful, smart and is going to go far in the company. While I have never been...

In Episode 244, Mark & Steve address the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict who submitted the following to PBSE—As a partner of an addict, what can I do to help my partner feel more supported during his recovery, so that he may feel more comfortable telling me the truth??? Time and time again, I have caught him in lies or omissions and it’s eating away at the trust in our relationship. Most recently, we engaged in physical intimacy and I could tell IMMEDIATELY that he had been looking ...

In Episode 243, Mark & Steve address a very important issue submitted to PBSE by a listener who is the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict. This question especially resonated with Mark as he himself, along with a number of his children and many of his extended family, have suffered with the challenges of mental illness and related diagnosed issues like ADHD. Here's the submission by a PBSE listener—My husband and I have been friends for close to 20 years, in a relationship for 7 years, ...

In this PBSE episode (#242), Mark & Steve respond to an incredibly vulnerable, painful submission by a PBSE listener. Her submission starts out with—I was happy to have found your podcast after my partner’s reluctant disclosure last month. After experiencing what can only be described as one of the most intensely painful experiences of my life, I navigated my way to one of your episodes about betrayal trauma and it immediately eased my mind and provided me a much-needed sense of validatio...

In Episode 241, Mark & Steve respond to a porn/sex addict in recovery who is facing an extremely difficult situation with his betrayed partner. Here's what he submitted through the PBSE contact form—Hey, my wife is one of the .01% of wives who expects me to be absolutely perfect. I don’t know what to do? I’ve been focusing on being serene. Learning from every mistake I make. I’m 16 ish months sober. And in full recovery. Each step of the way, I’m reminded how I’m a screw up. That the scor...

In Episode 240, Mark and Steve address an important issue submitted by a male betrayed partner. Here's his submission—How do male betrayed partners process betrayal trauma differently than women? What are the difficulties male partners have when trying to heal the relationship with their betrayer? Are there any differences in recovery and repair between male betrayed/female sex addict vs female betrayed/male sex addict? I have been attending 12 steps for codependents for sex addicts, and have...

This episode, # 239, is in response to a very common and very painful, frustrating and limiting situation submitted by the betrayed partner of a porn/sex addict—My husband is currently in recovery, and I am unfortunately still in the depths of betrayal trauma. Unfortunately in the early discovery days (there have been 3 major ones over 20 years) I dug for the most amount of detail surrounding my husband’s outlets possible. At the time I did not know how damaging this would be for us both. I d...

Episode 238 comes in response to a request from a long-time PBSE listener. Here's her submission—Can you talk about the "3 second rule" and why it’s not an ok rule?! Many people talk about it and/or say they’ve read, heard, or had addicts, partners, therapists, suggest this rule. I love the way you’ve described what crap that is because an addict's mind doesn’t need 3 seconds to go to addiction thoughts. I can’t recall if you’ve ever talked about it on PBSE. I think maybe, but on D2C, I’ve he...

In this Episode 237, Mark and Steve get passionate in responding to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's what she shared—In My partners and I are now 12 months into our journey and I have been doing really well for the most part. I had been feeling like I was really getting on top of my betrayal and processing everything that happened. I felt as though my partner was also doing well, we had been communicating well and he had stopped masturbating and looking at porn and speakin...

Episode 234 comes in response to TWO situations/questions sent to PBSE by porn/sex addicts in recovery. Here’s a brief overview of each—The first has been addicted to porn since he was 14 and is now well into his adult years. He was in a relationship for 3 years before disclosing his addiction. In his own words he says—Since then I have lied about recovery; was in active addiction while supposedly practicing recovery; gaslit, verbally and psychologically abused my partner for years. I lied in...

In this episode, # 236, the betrayed partner of a porn addict writes a very raw and vulnerable message to PBSE with some deeply poignant, hard-hitting questions. Here's what we received from her—Hey Mark and Steve, my partner was 4 years porn-free and then relapsed, using porn intermittently for about 8 months before I caught him. He says he's serious now and willing to make an effort. Your podcast has been very helpful for both of us in the weeks since the discovery.My question is this: why ...

In Episode 235, a PBSE listener writes in to ask Mark & Steve for guidance on how to best support his partner going forward. The couple were together off and on for 11 years and then married for the last 10 years. During the entire span of 21 years, he has struggled with sex/porn addiction and alcohol abuse. Recently, he got serious about getting into recovery, for both his alcohol dependency and his sex/porn addiction. As an essential part of his recovery and her healing, under the direc...

In Episode 233, Mark & Steve respond to a very heart-felt submission from a betrayed partner, who asks some very hard questions about her relationship with a partner who is a porn/sex addict in recovery. Here's what she submitted to PBSE—Hi Mark and Steve, I’m feeling a lot of apathy in my marriage and I don’t understand the point in staying. I’ve been with my husband for two years and married for less than six months. We have been separated for two weeks now because he has kept relapsing...

In PBSE Episode 232, Mark & Steve respond to a listener's experience and questions with regard to the approach to Betrayal Trauma healing that PBSE and Dare to Connect take, vs. the experience in 12-Step groups. Here's what the partner of a porn/sex addict submitted to PBSE—Is it me or are the approaches of partner-oriented 12-step fellowships the opposite of the recovery approach taken in PBSE podcasts? The podcasts are all about connection and boundaries. The partner’s 12-step fellowshi...