Alt Title: Somebody's Going to Emergency, Somebody's Getting their Light Eaten

...And so it was foretold, when the clock struck October and that first chill was felt on the wind, when children would gambol about in foolish costumes begging for treats, and Rude Tales of Magic would have a third release week in a month, that they would pause their beloved ongoing narrative (Nethermurk: In Theaters Now!), and turn their tales from Rude...to BLOOD. When three of New York City's most craven monsters: The Invisible Man (Tim Platt), The Abominable Snowman (Joe Lepore), and...

Just when they think they've escaped the forest of carnivorous plants, the gang finds themselves in a tiny echo-pocket of air surrounded by a freezing lake full of *gulp* sharks! Will they ever reach Culicidan, City Con Carne? Or are they quickly devoured by sharks and most of this episode is just looping lake wave sound effects? Listen to find out!

Our Heroes travel upwards. But in some cruel twist of fate, only greater dangers await them?? Dang! I thought they were already through the vexing obstacles!!!

This clip contains a sneak peak of my debut comedy album TEETH LIKE BEAK out 9/30. If you're interested, please pre-save on Spotify or pre-order on iTunes! If you're in the NYC area, Tim's doing an album release show/party at Littlefield on 9/30! You can get tix and more info at https://www.eventbrite.com/e/tim-platts-jokes-about-animals-album-release-party-tickets-1003620384587?aff=erelexpmlt

Mamma Mia! We turn from our heroes' journey to train our narrative eye to another side of the thrilling world of Nethermurk. Following the Dark Elves' capture of peaceful Wingslip, Elfiscuri agents Agrigenta Salumeria (Carly Monardo), Vocal Monument (Tim Platt), and Studio Ghibli (Joe Lepore) attempt to use two VIP prisoners- CONTAINMENT's own Kevin (Branson Reese) and G.G. Containment (James Adomian). But will these two hardcore rockers go gently? Or will things get a bit...uncontained??

Have you ever wondered: what is inside a Hot Dog?

The party, now fully assembled, ventures in to the Bat town of Wingslip for some much-needed sustenance at Batplebee's. But what awaits them there? Danger? Parental Discipline? Delicious Appetizers? ALL THIS AND MORE???

WELCOME TO NETHERMURK So many strange things lie below, cut off from the surface, at home in the deepest, darkest caves. Who would dare tell their story? Surely not the brave and good-looking cast of Rude Tales of Magic. Unless-no! They wouldn't! Would they??? Goddamn. They just might be crazy enough to do it.

Our heroes finally learn where the honey has been hiding all these many years. But will such knowledge come without a price? And will that price not be a yellow liquid (honey) but a red one (blood)? And hey, what ever happened to that Obelisk anyways?

When Moriarty Newman makes an offer, is it one you can't refuse? Is it one you'd turn on your allies for? Is it one one that will bring you closer to... honey?

In which the party details their sordid pasts, encounters some avian wildlife, enters a mysterious structure, and meets- no! It can't be! ::gasps::

Just when you thought it safe to sweeten your tea- all the honey in the world was gone. For centuries. Miss you, you sweet golden amber you. And that's all there is to it, certainly nothing a Prince (Ali Fisher), a Professor (Christopher Hastings), a Grizzled Sea Captain (Joe Lepore), a hacker (Carly Monardo), and a washed-up thief (Branson Reese), can do about it. Why if a bunch that ragtag wanted to get honey back, they'd need, I don't even know, some kind of blessing? From, shoot, an...

Will friends become enemies? Will colleagues become friends? Will the hunters become the hunted? Will the sword call...to you???

You'd think a waterfront town like Piss Harbor would never run dry. And usually? You'd be right. Then this episode came along and turned everything on its head. Episodes have a habit of doing that, don't they? Anyways, can our heroes solve the mystery of the Piss Harbor drought? And will it have something to do with the episode's special guest (Zach Cherry)? Impossible to know until you listen!

And on the 30th day (of April) they... released a live show episode?? That's right! As a special treat on this bonus week, we've got our Live Show LENT ENDERS. Recorded live at the Bell House in Brooklyn on March 30th, 2024, this show has all your faves! Branson! Joe! Carly! Ali! Christopher! And even 'Trim' Tim Platt!

A battle of logic. A widower's woe. An apartment move, interrupted. Truly, these are Weird Times in Piss Harbor.

When a bounty is called on Christ Sux (special guest Abdul Aziz) our heroes take the case. But maybe they should be less focus on the bounty, and more on who called for the bounty...

Our crew of fearless Bounty Hunters take on their toughest assignment- stage magicians (special guests Jess O'Brien and Cohen Edenfield)!! What is truth and what is illusion in their world of enchantment?? Will even Edgica have her mind freaked by these fearsome foes? Will you dare to behold what is in the hat?? Please do we're not making this to be ignored.

Now, Piss Harbor isn't known as an especially lawful town. No sir. But that's even moreso the case on Binge Night—the one night of the year when all Laws in Piss Harbor take the night off and let their respectful rival Crimes pick up a shift. Whatever will Moose (Joe Lepore), Neil (Ali Fisher), and Jonathan Large (Christopher Hastings) do on this night of wanton criminality? Well, I suppose crimes seem likely, but then again I am *the episode description writer who is also A CRIMINAL*! So I...

Allies scattered. Partnerships tested. Mayors...Anti-ed? All this and more on another incredible episode of Rude Tales of Magic!

Holy Moly! Our very own Tim Platt- the visionary behind Stirfry, Smellulus, and Tommy Whistle- is recording his first-ever Comedy Album live and in person at Brooklyn's Union Hall on Thursday February 29th! Tickets are on sale now! Why would you wait? Buy yours today!

The streets of Piss Harbor are full of folks you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. Hell, I wouldn't want to meet anyone in a dark alley. Let's go to a Starbucks! Point is, when the party crosses paths with devil may care bad boy Knee Scraper (special guest JORDAN MORRIS), they're gonna realllly wish they went to a Starbucks. Then at least they'd have Frappucinos!

The Rude Tales gang is excited to have Jamie Loftus join them for a wild adventure in Piss Harbor. I just hope everyone has good manners! But could something as simple as a faux pas lead to...death? Probably not but you better listen to make sure!!