Most men find it very useful to learn about responsive desire, which means needing to be touched in order to get excited. This is the kind of desire women generally have within monogamy after the honeymoon stage, and contrasts with spontaneous arousal, or being excited even before touching happens. When these men understand that responsive desire kicks in after the honeymoon stage (with some exceptions, e.g. ovulation), or with age, they start learning more about female arousal, resolve to engage in more foreplay, learn about sexual technique, or get better at massage. But there are other men who find it very upsetting to learn about responsive desire. They say that they don't even want to have sex if their partner doesn't experience spontaneous arousal, because then "she isn't really into it," or "she isn't attracted to me." This episode is for the men who find the idea of responsive desire anxiety-provoking or distressing instead of instructive. Buy my newest book! Couples You Meet In Counseling: 7 Common Relationship Dynamics That Sabotage Closeness: https://amzn.to/3WQoA8X Subscribe if you love the DPM show! https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/drpsychmomshow/subscribe and you'll get all my awesome bonus episodes! Most recent subscriber episode: "All About Perimenopause." For my secret Facebook group, the "best money I've ever spent" according to numerous members, go ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/376126477688726/?mibextid=uJjRxr! Or click blue subscribe button on www.facebook.com/drpsychmom. It's $4.99/mo. For coaching from DPM, visit https://www.drpsychmom.com/coaching/ For therapy or life coaching, contact us at https://www.bestlifebehavioralhealth.com/. Follow me on TikTok! https://www.tiktok.com/@therealdrpsychmom and YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqLm4xRaUeroBodFc-h4XDQ