Also, Xavi was wearing Stone Island on the touchline, so we can only assume he and his XL bully were waiting for Luis Enrique in the carpark. Marcus and Jim look back on two entertaining Champions League quarter-finals! Well, spare a thought for Marcus having to watch Atlético try to sit on a 2-0 lead… Plus, a reappraisal of Rodrigo de Paul (aka Messi’s bouncer) and his hair, speculation about Ronaldinho’s night out in Paris, and unconfirmed reports that Diego Simeone is making his players...

How about that football, eh? Last night’s Champions League action was so good that Andy has decided he needs to get a second big telly to watch all the barns burn at once. Marcus, Jim, Vish and Andy reflect on Arsenal showing glimpses of their ITV era last night and marvel at the quality of goals on display in Madrid. Plus, Andy explains why Sporting manager Rúben Amorim would be a good fit for Liverpool. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us...

Did you know that if you’re a Tottenham player you can punch a Nottingham Forest player on a Sunday afternoon without punishment? Today Marcus, Luke and Jim applaud James Maddison’s knowledge and application of that rule this weekend. Elsewhere, Luke compares Man United vs Liverpool to Pulp Fiction and Jim dismisses James Ward-Prowse scoring from a corner because it was “wind-assisted”. Plus, the Ramblers officially declare the business end of the season OPEN! Follow us...

Marcus, Luke and Jim are back in Correspondence Corner tackling some more of your cracking questions! We start with an interesting one: in the age of mass media coverage and scrabbling for social media clicks, is football punditry becoming more divisive and are club biases paraded around too often?  We also wonder which players or managers missed their chance at a big move, and we pitch some dream football documentaries about past teams and seasons. if anyone fancies making Jack Grealish:...

What… on EARTH was that?! Marcus, Luke and Jim recap Cole Palmer 4-3 Moments FC, where perhaps the biggest takeaway from one of the most ridiculous games you’ll ever see was: you’ve got to feel sorry for Harry Maguire. Elsewhere, Chris Wilder finds himself snookered, Vincent Kompany is forced to manage Burnley’s next crucial game from a blimp and we stumble across one of the most outrageously-named footballers you’ll ever find. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us...

Marcus didn’t think he’d ever make this comparison but… Phil Foden went full-blown Wayne Rooney against Aston Villa! It was a stunning hat-trick. But what were Villa doing leaving the serving hatch of their wall wide open for his first goal? Marcus and Jim react to victories for Man City and Arsenal which keep the title race cookin’. Plus, Marcus impersonates Jim’s dad and Steve Bruce reveals he has a tickly bum. Join us! Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here:...

Marcus, Luke and Jim dive into yet more Barclays action, as a gloriously violent cameo from Newcastle's Paul Dummett gave Everton some much-needed points. Generous, innit. Elsewhere, journalists continue to ask Mad Pep some even madder questions, Morgan Gibbs-White turns into primetime Zinedine Zidane and Liverpool prepare to use their Sheffield United at home voucher. A midweek treat! Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected]. Sign up to...

Marcus, Luke, Vish and Pete return after Man City 0-0 Arsenal to find the barn very much intact. Wasn’t even remotely burned. Pep Guardiola still found plenty to be angry about, of course. Luckily there were plenty of other Barclays bangers to get stuck into, as Man United somehow escaped Brentford with a point, West Ham somehow lost a crazy game at Newcastle, and Chelsea somehow remain the most mid-table club in the division. According to Mauricio Pochettino, anyway - he thinks they should...

Luke, Jim and Vish kick off proceedings with an intriguing question about this season’s incredible title race: for which manager would winning the league be the biggest achievement? Plus, we’re building some famous football statues in some offensive locations and we finalise the definitive list of collective nouns for different clubs’ supporters. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected]. Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free...

Three things we didn’t expect in the studio today: a hammer, Sean Connery, and loads of Wellman supplements after Pete played table tennis against David Gandy. It can only be Preview Show time! Pete, Luke, Jim and Vish – wielding said hammer – look forward to the return of the Premier League and the absolute egg-melter that is Man City vs Arsenal. Plus, an alarming email about mascots with human hands inspires the lads to construct our own Ramble mascot and the Luke Nation holds its breath...

Back in November Marcus and Luke picked their England starting XI for Euro 2024. Four months and a lot of football later it’s now time for the lads to re-visit their selections. Are they still starting Harry Maguire and Kalvin Phillips? Where should England play Phil Foden? Strike up the band, we’ve officially got Euros fever! Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected]. Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5...

Marcus, Andy, Luke and Vish are here with some consoling words for our Welsh brethren, after their Euros journey fell at the final hurdle last night. Here’s hoping they triumph in their next Penalty Competition™. Elsewhere, England let the handbrake off and nabbed a draw against Belgium - might be worth putting the handbrake back on, as it turns out. Plus, Georgia get to showcase their incredible bread selection at the Euros for the first time and Vish dredges up some dead Scotsmen to inspire...

England may have lost to Brazil but you can’t create the feelgood factor without having a bad moment first, right? Today, Marcus, Jim, Vish and Pete hold onto that hope and book Kobbie Mainoo a seat on the plane after seeing that one turn in the second half. Oooft. Elsewhere, the lads take heart in realising France are now sh*t after they lost to Germany and James McFadden vows never to return to Amsterdam after Scotland got gubbed by the Netherlands. Plus, what objects could a linesman hide...

The narrative that has been created around Southgate is one of squandered opportunities and an inability to match tactics against the elite in Europe. Is that fair? Would a penalty shootout win against Italy have changed everything? Marcus, Andy and Vish explore that on today’s show. Elsewhere, Vish makes his case for Brazil as the defining international team in football history. Plus, could Bagpipes be the new Vuvuzela? Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us...

It’s international week! Marcus, Andy, Vish and Jim leave the boffins behind for Anthony Hopkins and Robbie Savage giving Wales’ next team-talk, Matt Berry giving England’s next team-talk, and a heartbreaking defeat for San Marino… We also discuss Nike’s change to the St George’s cross on the latest England kit which has led to sleepless nights for all of us and the heel returns to Jack’s Encyclopaedia. It’s Vish’s Vagabonds! Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us...

As a special Thursday treat, we're bringing you this week's Patreon-exclusive edition of Ramble Uncut! Luke reveals what happened when a man donned a Santa costume to calm down a group of angry Celtic fans, Jim thinks he's found the worst taxi driver in the world, and a listener informs us of a stunning revelation pertaining to blimps... To join the conversation every single week, head over to patreon.com/footballramble! You'll also join over thriving Discord community with thousands of other...

Kobbie Mainoo is the latest addition to Gareth’s Governors so naturally, Marcus is swinging from the chandelier. Before that however, the boffins at the Premier League are forcing Marcus, Luke, Jim and Vish to wade through an annoying amount of admin after Nottingham Forest’s points deduction. Maybe that’s the real deterrent? Elsewhere, the Ramblers get hyped for Wales' huge Euros play-off, Vish tries to determine if he has eaten in the same Nandos as Bukayo Saka and Jim reveals that Frank...

Vish is on the pod, Vish is on the pod!! Today, Pete celebrated the return of the man of the bat by going through his old tweets. Concerning… Elsewhere, Luke tells Marcus, Vish and Pete that he thinks Man United vs Liverpool was the barn-burner of the season. However, he also reveals that it wasn’t even the most exciting thing to happen this weekend after he had a bust up on X with Matt Le Tissier’s daughter-in-law. On a related note, Marcus also tells us how a “jocular slap” from Sean Dyche...

Are Arcade Fire bigger than Arsenal? Are Hula Hoops bigger than Man City? Should you play without a goalkeeper? How many defenders do you really need at a corner? Just a small sample of the questions Marcus, Luke and Jim get stuck into on today’s Mailbag. Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected]. Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble. ***Please take the time to rate us...

Marcus, Luke and Jim whizz round the best moments from last night’s European Battle of the Banter, as plenty of English sides impressed and Anthony Taylor delivered the best mugging off you’ll ever see from a ref. We then look ahead to this weekend’s FA Cup quarter-finals, as Man City face a beleaguered Newcastle and Man Utd face a lawsuit from their own staff. Away from that cup magic, we also prepare Arsenal’s application for the Saudi Mega League™ and Barclays Corporate Entertainment...

Arsenal’s penalty shootout win over Porto was so exhilarating that even the crowd were exhausted at the end - so how do you think a 41 year-old Pepe felt? Marcus, Jim, Pete and Andy breakdown the game and ask whether Martin Ødegaard could play football in a train station Pret a Manger. Plus, Pete tells us how to hack the UEFA computers ahead of next season’s Champions League draw and Jim has an idea for how Gareth Southgate can get a lifeless Jordan Henderson on the pitch at the Euros. Follow...

Chelsea delivered a huge blow to Newcastle’s ambitions for the rest of the season – and a huge blow to Andy Brassell’s hopes of watching them play the runners-up from the Slovenian top-flight next season in the Europa Conference League. And that’s all coming from what could have been the real True Geordie, Pete Donaldson. Andy joins Pete to react to Chelsea’s 3-2 win over an increasingly beleaguered Newcastle, who Pete describes with probably the most unflattering simile in the history of...

What a weekend in the Prem! And after all the controversy, Pete has a brand new innovation for refereeing. Introducing… The No Context Man, sponsored by Ronseal! Unlike Andy Townsend, Pete, Andy and Jim have their vouchers for the football buffet and tuck right in. How did Liverpool manage to somehow feel disappointed with a draw having started with that lineup against Man City? Why is Mikel Arteta at it again on his whiteboard? And Neil Warnock’s left Aberdeen ALREADY!? Follow us on Twitter,...

Jim, Andy and Rhythmic Pete Donaldson are back with another rummage in the postbag, addressing listener questions and problems with the poise and dignity you’ve come to expect. We start by wondering what aspects of other sports football should steal - a draft system? Pausing for afternoon tea? Mario Balotelli smashing up a car? We also place a few of our favourite pre-Premier League footballers in some 2024 line-ups and decide which teams should change their kit colours for prison...

Pete, Andy and Jim run the rule over last night’s European action – and then turn to the big one, Liverpool vs Man City, Klopp vs Pep, Trent vs… Haaland. The lads discuss that particular war of words – plus, Roma welcome Brighton with an obscene banner about the Queen and Gary Neville is set to meet the Glazers. And some glazers. Join us! Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: [email protected]. Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows...