Telling moms to practice self-care is not an answer to the mental load.What is the issue?  Telling moms to practice more self-care is a b******t cop out.  Self care is defined as the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being. The term “self-care” actually has roots in the civil rights and women’s rights movements of the 1960s and ’70s. (There’s a frequently shared quote by Black American writer and activist Audre Lorde—“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”) Self-care is an estimated $10 billion industry with a large portion coming from the beauty sector The ideas for self-care is different for women vs men Men are allowed to work hard and play hardDrinking beer and hanging with buddies, golf, lawn care, watching sportsAll very time consuming eventsWomen must FIND the time to get self careWhy is a hot shower marketed to women as self care? Hot showers should just be a given and a bare minimum.Commercialized self care only geared towards moms: beauty serums, exercise programs, “mommy makeover”We’re told “you deserve it” so it becomes something we are or not worthy ofLeisure gap: Men spend roughly 3 more hours on leisure activities per week than women. But the truth is that self-care is not enough. And it’s time that we stop telling moms that a simple act of self-care will undo the years of culture-induced overwhelm that is causing us all to burn out. What are the effects? Burn out - Constant pouring from an empty cupResentment towards partnerFatigue, headaches, stomach issues, and heart disease.Low energy and less patience How does this relate to the mental load?  The coordination of our own self care – when, where, how One more freaking thing to manage.coordinating before we have to leaveLogically we know this is best for us but actually stepping away makes us feel guiltySocietal pressures to be everything to everyone. But also - I don’t actually need self care. I need a partner who’s more switched on on a daily basis. Self care isn’t a break; it’s just delaying getting the stuff done we need to get done. I can’t take care of myself if I don’t trust my partner will seamlessly carry on without me.  How can we fix this?  Self care can be viewed as a partner's responsibility.Change the narrative of self care as a health priority over an optional privilege. What is your self care? Catch us on YouTube