The boys are back with an episode recorded in person! They take a look at Street Fighter (1994) and ask themselves questions about destiny, megalomaniacal dictators, the amount of cocaine done by JCVD and, of course, NFL football? There was a good movie somewhere in here, but poor Steven E. de Souza (Die Hard, Commando) got hemmed in by Jean-Claude Van Damme's insanity.  This movie is for rent on YouTube, and next week's movie is for rent everywhere... F9! We return to our friends, the...

The boys are back in town, with Robert Patrick, Alyssa Milano, Alyssa Milano's ex-boyfriend and the Chairman from Iron Chef: America! Nintendecember rolls on with Double Dragon, one of the few movies we do that the actors don't universally hate. In this, we explore if Alyssa Milano is one of the most sadistic villains in movie history, what exactly Bo Abobo is supposed to be, what the different gangs of New Angeles stand for, and the Hollywood sign conspicuously being 10 feet above sea...

The Boys return with their end-of-year run through bad video game movies. This week they take on Uwe Boll's 2005 uh... masterpiece(?)... BloodRayne. In this flick, Rayne is a half-vampire who needs to break out of the tutorial and go on several quests for in-game items before defeating the final boss... Ben Kingsley! This movie has two Reactionaries alums, Michael Madsen (L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve) and Michelle Rodriguez (Fast & Furious franchise, The Assignment), with Rodriguez...

Jeff and Joe kontemplate the ikonik 1997 klassic, Mortal Kombat: Annihilation. This is the story of a group of aktors who did not want to rekreate their roles as Earth's Greatest Fighters, and instead did much kleverer things with their kareers. Instead, karacters were all played by a small group of aktors, since wearing masks makes it work. Plus, this was the movie debut of the man behind one of the most iconic sci-fi characters of all-time! This kinematic masterpiece... wait that one...

The Boys are back after one of us tried to become a spooky scary ghost and get sick. So, no Slender Man this month, only Thir-thirteen-en Ghosts! This is a "remake" of a movie from 1960, but all they took were the ghosts and the glasses. Everything else is basically just a bunch of people wandering around a glasshouse filled with spooky scaries. Thirteen Ghosts stars Tony Shalhoub, Shannon Elizabeth, F. Murray Abraham, and the incomparable Matthew Lillard as a lunatic psychic exploring a...

Joe and Jeff take a reprieve from blockbusters by getting into the podcast's bread and butter: low-budget schlock that snookered big-name actors into a paycheck. L.A.P.D.: To Protect and to Serve never lives up to its first five minutes, and tells the story of a group of crooked cops, who just want to steal boomboxes and have some parties in peace. Instead, there's a ding-dong and his father mucking everything up. This "stars" Dennis Hopper, who never leaves the police station, and Michael...

Do you like the hit 1996 blockbuster Independence Day? Well, go watch that one, instead! Independence Day: Resurgence is too long, with too many characters (including a barely-there cameo from the first movie), with too many things ripped off from the first flick, and with people not caring enough. It's like Ready Player One if the moviemakers had only seen Independence Day. Find out what the "Wilhelm Scream of Boats" is, how many things they lifted straight from the original ID4, including...

This week's movie is Jaws 3-D (1983)! Per IMDb: "A giant thirty-five-foot shark becomes trapped in a SeaWorld theme park and it's up to the sons of police chief Brody to rescue everyone." This flick stars an incredibly coked up Dennis Quaid, Bess Armstrong, Lou Gossett Jr, Lea Thompson, and some dolphins! The guys watch one of the more boring movies they've watched for this little misadventure. They do manage to ask if you can bully a shark, get a sponsor (?), engage in casual shark...

The guys are back watching some of the worst blockbusters ever created! This time they watch Speed 2: Cruise Control, a movie that nobody wanted to make, especially Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. In this one they explore alternative medicine treatments, just how small Jason Patric's penis is, can children self-arrange marriages, and just how far LAPD jurisdiction extends.   Speed 2: Cruise Control is on HBO Max. So is next episode's movie... Jaws 3!

The boys take a quick detour from The Summer of Blockbusters to talk about an old friend... Ron Marchini is back! This time, he has the Eric Bana Hulk to the Ed Norton Hulk. We disavow all connections from Murder in the Orient to the Ron Marchini Cinematic Universe.  Have you ever wondered what it would be like to use two swords instead of a piece of paper to form a map? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have $10 million somewhere... out there? And have you ever had your plans...

The Boys return with another late-90s summer blockbuster... Con Air! This movie stars Nicolas Cage, John Malkovich, Colm Meaney, Ving Rhames, Steve Buscemi, and also, John Cusack is there, I guess? The guys discuss if it's actually possible to be too cool at fighting that it's illegal, the American penal system, a space weirdo, whether or not themed casinos have gone too far, and if it's possible to just tell guards about an undercover agent in their midst. ...And what exactly happened with...

The boys continue the Summer of Blockbusters with the only movie filled entirely with the stupidest people on earth... Broken Arrow! Broken Arrow is a coming-of-age dramedy that involves two old friends passing the same $20 back and forth, while wacky hijinx ensue. Surprisingly, this movie is kind of boring, despite a $2 billion jet exploding. Broken Arrow stars John Travolta and Christian Slater, and involves John Travolta ripping off Christian Slater lines. Unfortunately, this movie is...

Joe and Jeff return with this week’s absolutely amazing flick: Face/Off! In this movie, they take Nicolas Cage’s face… off, and put it on John Travolta. Then they face off, see it has layers! The boys explore 3D printing technology, one simple way to destroy the whole plot, the absolute chaos that took place behind the scenes, an unearned Jesus allegory, as well as the ultra-creepy face-touching thing, including an alternate ending! If you want to see Face/Off in about 50 seconds, this is...

The boys are back after some scheduling snafus, with a big announcement... We are going bi-weekly. It turns out a podcast about stupid movies is easier to do during a worldwide pandemic than outside of it! We send off our weekly episodes with another Asylum flick... Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf! In this movie, Casper Van Dien sort of drunkenly wanders onto the set of his wife's movie and the cast & crew are too kind to tell him no. Plus, Jeff lies to Joe again and they play a trivia game. Why...

Joe and Jeff return from an impromptu hiatus because Joe's house was hit by a glitch (it was organic, not reptilian). We take on Ape vs. Monster, a movie that Jeff ended up watching three times because it made such little sense. In this one, we figure out how Ape vs. Monster ties into Planet of the Apes, King Kong vs. Godzilla, time travel, parallel universes, 1990s treats (and not treats), and QAnon! Jeff also has an aneurysm because he has a degree in History, and the person who wrote...

Monsters vs. May rolls on with the O.G. Godzilla vs. Kong! This 1963 flick is a re-edit of a 1962 *comedic* King Kong and Godzilla movie in Japan, that America turned into a more serious adventure. The boys discuss what exact role Eric Carter, the head of the UN news desk plays in world politics, if the Giant Octopus was a false flag,  if King Kong needs intervention, who exactly is naming these creatures, and why this movie is obsessed with a satellite. Also, Jeff lies to Joe a whole...

The boys return from an impromptu week off due to seasickness (Joe was knocked out and tied to a boat headed toward Antarctica) to review Godzilla vs. Kong, a movie that literally delivered on everything it promised, straight from the beginning of the movie! So grab your showerin' bleach and get ready to see Godzilla and King Kong finally square off in a way you have never seen before (unless you have seen Neon Genesis Evangelion)! In this episode of the podcast, the boys explore the deepest,...

Son of Kong is the 1933 sequel to the 1933 hit King Kong! All your old friends are back (I think!). This is an action-adventure movie promising a little version of King Kong, which forgets all three of those components until the last ten minutes. This one was made back when they knew how to make movies: quick, incoherent, and meandering. There's a return of everyone's favorite segment... Jeff Does Math!  Son of Kong is on HBO Max. Next week we wrap up Ape-Ril with Godzilla vs. Kong (2021),...

The boys kick off Ape-Ril with the Paul Giamatti, Tim Roth and Helena Bonham Carter psychological thriller/slapstick comedy: Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes. In this film, Mark Wahlberg gets sent forward in time to a planet where apes and humans live side by side with unsettling allegories to the humans being both animals AND African-Americans in the United States! We explore all the questions for the movie that has no answers. How does time travel work? Was there an Ape American Civil War?...

We told you all we were done with Ron Marchini in March, but like Jesus, He has risen. It felt a little out of place to not finish the Ron Marchini Cinematic Universe, with 1995's Karate Commando. Or is it Karate Raider? Or is it Jungle Wolf III? This movie is impossible to find, and felt impossible to watch. The official credit in the movie is Jungle Wolf III, but he plays an entirely new character (Jake Turner). Nevertheless, let's call this movie by its Christian name: Forgotten Warrior -...

The Steve Parrish Saga comes to its inevitable conclusion with Forgotten Warrior - US Warrior III: Jungle Wolf II: Return Fire! This twee indie coming of age movie focuses on Steve Parrish’s (Ron Marchini) son, Zak. He has completely cast off his half-Vietnamese roots to fully embrace his destiny as an Aryan Prince. In this film, we explore what exactly it means to become a man, and how old is too old to have your father undress you. Also, is it creepier to sit in someone’s living room,...

Ron Marchini returns for the second part of the Steve Parrish Cinematic Universe. It has everything you love from The Forgotten Warrior, including about 10 minutes of The Forgotten Warrior! We reckon with the problem that Ron Marchini has now made back-to-back Communist propaganda movies in this trilogy. In Jungle Wolf, Ron Marchini must leave his blond-haired, blue-eyed half-Vietnamese son… Zak, and travel to San Sebastian (literally El Salvador). Isn’t it wild how Vietnam and “San...

Joe and Jeff take on the most boring movie they've done yet, to predictably short podcast results. This film feels like a low-grade fever when you're done with it. Confusing, a little disorienting, and tiring. Ron Marchini defects from the capitalist pig-dogs to live life with the Viet Cong. That is, until, in a (quite unrealistic) turn of events, a US Militaryman comes by and starts doing war crimes on the Vietnamese countryside... a year after the Vietnam War ended. This is either in...

Marchini Madness kicks off with 1985's Ninja Warriors! Do you know literally anything about ninjas? Because if so, you could be an expert to this team of dumb dumbs. Ken Watanabe (no not the Ken Watanabe) stars with Ron Marchini and a cast of people who begged imdb to not have their names associated with this flick.  In Ninja Warriors, Ron Marchini is doomed to relive his last day on earth until he gets everything right, and he is freed from his hellish torment. That, and he has some...