Shark Tale is a notoriously crappy DreamWorks movie, which is already a deck with a lot of low cards. But DreamWorks had this habit of making good-looking licensed games based off of these movies, and for some reason they are kinda beloved. That is a false idea, though. It’s a bad thing to believe, that this could have been good. Support Abject Suffering

The NES saw a glut of games adapting popular gameshows, most of them developed by Rare. Improbably, Hollywood Squares is one of the more functional ones… albeit with some cuts. Gone are the stars! There’s nothing Hollywood about this! Additionally, Kole brings a chilling secondhand anecdote that might actually just be a straight up bummer. Support Abject Suffering

O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying is a game with a confusing title. The O.D.T. is short for O.D.T.: Escape… or Die Trying or Die Trying. It’s a botched attempt at a Tomb Raider-like third person action game with theming and a story that are sure to put you to sleep. So we instead talk about how unfair the concept of Mario and Sonic competing in the Olympic Games would be. Support Abject Suffering

It’s bizarre that we haven’t done an episode about the Alf game for the Sega Master System, but we have a good excuse: We were completely sure that we’d already done it. This famously bad game is a poor adaptation about everyone’s favorite fish-out-of-water sitcom about a fuzzy alien who lives with a family who barely tolerates him. However, it does accurately depict how miserable it was to MAKE the show Alf. ALF Horror Recut:...

In what amounts to a backdoor episode of Watch Out for Fireballs!, this listener-demanded discussion of the Return of the King game for Game Boy Advance has us mostly talking about how we would have enjoyed having this portable Diablo-like back in the day. We also talk about the Lord of the Rings’ cinematic legacy, and put 60 seconds on the clock for a Rebuttalfield about not being a weird crank about Trick or Treating teens. Support Abject Suffering

M&M’s Beach Party for the Wii is one of the more anemic minigame collections we’ve covered, and we’ve already done deep dives into M&M’s lore… So this week we pitch a new M&M’s character: a grey M&M with a cashew sticking out of it, named Hercules PoundClit. He’s a sensitive, masculine man who exists to make the ladies swoon. Support Abject Suffering

The word “faselei” means “babble” in German, which is a better description of this podcast than this game. Faselei!, our first Neo Geo Pocket Color game, is actually kind of neat… a turn-based tactics game with a very unique action system. The problem is, it’s about mechs… about which we have little to say. So instead we talk about inhalants, that wonderful feeling of finally identifying a half-remembered game from your childhood, and the bizarre ceremony of hockey games. Support Abject...

If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his life, on stairs. No, I’m not on too many or too few drugs… This is an actual game that was almost released. We talk about it a little bit, before talking about shoes that give you superpowers and K’s recent trip to the Ohio Renaissance Festival.If I mention Reebok’s Pump shoes, I know only one image comes to mind: Dracula. Specifically, Dracula having the time of his...

Pamela Anderson was everywhere in the 90s, as a sex symbol and an object of ridicule. And none of her projects is more forgotten than V.I.P., the show where she bumbles into starting a bodyguard agency for the stars. And now, you, can fulfill your lifelong dream of playing a barely interactive video game adaptation of her adventures! Support Abject Suffering

If you go anywhere used games are sold, you’ll see shelves choked with DS and Wii shovelware. And this week’s game, Wonder World Amusement Park, is emblematic of everything about that phenomenon. But of course, Gary picked this game to have an excuse to talk about his trip to the Oregon State Fair, which featured a real life reenactment of The Zoo Race. Support Abject Suffering

Gonna be honest, it’s weird to record an episode that stays on topic like this one does. Everyone remembers the Eternal Champions, right? A franchise beloved enough that it got two character-specific spinoffs before Mortal Kombat got even one? X-Perts (unrelated to the X-Men) is in the running for one of the worst beat-em-ups we’ve covered for the show, which is really saying something. Support Abject Suffering

Behold, the Nega-Bear. It exists within and without our dimension. Do not try to shut your eyes, as the Nega-Bear moves faster when it is not perceived. Support Abject Suffering

I hate to say, but sometimes you just have to respect somebody with that many muscles. Support Abject Suffering

Now to play a nice relaxing game where cops beat up... the incarcerated. Hmm. Support Abject Suffering

Here is a list of your sins: You never used that coupon. Your wallet smells funny. You don't clean your phone. Support Abject Suffering

Well, I don't see why the devs had to make it sexual. Support Abject Suffering

I... I'm told this is a fashion game, somehow? Support Abject Suffering

Spies! Snowboarding! Uh... yeah, we don't get it either. Support Abject Suffering

I was suckered into playing this game because I got a comic book that was just an advertisement. Support Abject Suffering

How can a game about beating up rich people be so unfun? Support Abject Suffering

There is something very unsettling about a tree with legs. Support Abject Suffering

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas! Support Abject Suffering

Actually, the episode with the trivia is "The One with the Embryos". Support Abject Suffering

I, too, assume that all historically valuable objects have secret puzzles. Support Abject Suffering