We dive into the Battle of Qarqar of 853 BC and discuss the major players arrayed on the Levantine side, including the Aramaeans, Israelites, Arabs, and Egyptians. We have a good laugh about the mental somersaults that some 19th century scholars used to dance around the Kurkh Monolith of Shalmaneser III—our principal source for the battle. Also, how did the Germanic-looking ancient Libyans end up in North Africa? Music by Kevin MacLeod.