Did you know that the DNA Surprises podcast community meets in a virtual support group every month? We started the Third Thursday Meetup in 2023 to serve as an additional resource for NPEs, late-discovery donor-conceived people, and late-discovery adoptees to find community and support. Third Thursdays have quickly become one of my favorite nights of the month, due in no small part to the two people who are sharing updates in this special double update episode. Liann and Pat uncovered their...

Not every DNA surprise has a happy ending. And sometimes, what seems like a happy ending takes a turn. But the opposite is also true. In this week’s episode, Shannon shares how she learned the truth about her paternity and had to wait several years before she could identify her biological father. When she finally found him, he was receptive, before quickly closing off any hope of a relationship…until he had another change of heart. Thank you for sharing your story, Shannon. If you’d like to...

Many people in the DNA surprise community grew up with dads, or birth certificate fathers, BCFs as they’re often called. We are raised by these men and then one day, through a DNA test or other means, we learn that they are not our biological fathers. But what if you never really felt like you had a dad? How does a DNA surprise affect you? In this week’s episode, Alissa shares how her free-spirited mother had her and her twin brother on her own, before marrying their stepfather. Alissa...

DNA Surprises bring up a range of emotions, and if there’s one thing I hope I’ve made clear on this show, all those emotions are valid. In this week’s episode, Joan shares why her DNA surprise was more of an interesting adventure than a dramatic event.  Her story is one of optimism, curiosity, and patience - it took her a decade to solve her mystery, and many questions remain unanswered. She discusses how she uncovered the truth and why she ultimately feels like her DNA surprise revealed...

Welcome to the 100th episode of DNA surprises! OK, technically I’ve had more than 100 episodes already, but this is the 100th DNA Surprise story I’ve had the privilege of sharing with you all. So, in celebration of 100 episodes, I thought we’d take it allll the way back to the beginning. In this week’s episode, I’m joined once again by Yvette, my very first guest on the podcast.  I am eternally grateful to those Season 1 guests. They responded to my call for guests with no guarantees on how...

It’s your story. You have the right to tell it. This is something we hear a lot in the DNA surprise community - I say it a lot myself. In this week’s episode, Ruby shares a unique perspective on this philosophy. Ruby took her DNA test expecting to learn more about her Mexican heritage, and instead uncovers a half-sibling and learns her biological father is different from the man who raised her. Ruby reflects on her childhood suspicions, her complex relationships with her parents, and...

What would you do if you found out that your biological father wasn’t the man who raised you, but someone you’d known in the periphery of much of your life? Someone who’d photographed weddings, even done your taxes? In this episode, Beth shares her journey after discovering her biological father was a long-time colleague of her mother. Beth talks about the strong connections she had with her birth certificate father and who she believed was her paternal grandmother, and the feelings she...

What never fails to surprise me is how innocently DNA surprises begin. In this episode, we hear from Doe - yes, that’s a pseudonym - who uncovered her  DNA surprise in 2021.  A skillful genealogist, Doe bought a DNA test for her husband, who was curious about his family history. As it just so happened, she purchased the test during a buy one, get one free sale, so she decided to take a test herself. When she received her results, she learned that not only was her birth certificate father not...

Welcome to the Season 8 finale of DNA Surprises.  In this episode, I’m joined by Deanna, who shares her NPE story. Deanna has experienced unspeakable amounts of hardship in her life, from abandonment to abuse to her DNA discovery. Her story is difficult - and powerful. You’ll hear how she’s still reckoning with the what-might-have-beens and the whys. You’ll also learn how she’s moving forward, including being the person she needed when she was younger.  Thank you for sharing your story,...

Every DNA Surprise is unique—the who, what, when, and why surrounding an NPE vary from person to person. Still, after nearly 100 interviews, I’ve noticed consistent themes in these stories. One of those themes is a complicated mother-child relationship.  When Jennifer took her DNA test, she had no idea that her family tree would change forever. As it turns out, both her mother and grandmother had relationships with the same man, making Jennifer’s aunts also her sisters, and her cousins also...

DNA Surprises are confusing. They’re confusing for the people they happen to as they try to make sense of newfound information. With so many characters, twists, and turns in each story, they’re also confusing for people listening to DNA Surprises stories. This week’s DNA surprise story is no exception. In fact, it features a triple-NPE. So before we begin, I’m going to break down who’s who. Jessica grew up with a birth certificate dad, who she believed was her biological father. We’ll refer...

To paraphrase The Beatles, we get by with a little help from our friends. This is especially true when it comes to DNA Surprises. In this week’s episode, coworkers Robyn and Ida share their NPE discoveries, which happened right around the same time. In fact, Robyn used her genealogy skills to identify Ida’s father.They each reflect on their personal journeys and how they’ve supported each other as they navigate their emotions. While every journey is unique, Ida and Robyn share many similariti...

DNA surprises rarely happen in a vacuum. So many of the people I speak to have experienced other traumas throughout their lives, long before sending off DNA tests. In this week’s episode, Courtney shares how her mother’s mental health struggles played a large part in her childhood. She knew she was adopted by her stepfather when she was young and grew up feeling abandoned and ignored by her biological father. As an adult, they began repairing their relationship, which led to them taking ...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Iliamari Vazquez Houston, a therapist based out of the Phoenix metro area. Iliamari will facilitate a session on generational trauma - and generational healing - at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.We discuss what generational trauma is and how we can begin to break the cycles of secrets and shame in the DNA surprise community. She also shares some excellent resources for folks interested in learning more about ...

Sometimes, after DNA surprises are revealed, our relationships with our raised parents become strained. Sometimes, this leads to estrangement. But for others, these surprises simply compound already strained relationships. When Dawn had her DNA surprise, she was already virtually no contact with her mother. In this week’s episode, she shares why she initially made the decision to go little to no contact with her raised family, largely due to her mistreatment compared to her other sibling...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I chat with Jenna Hedstrom, E-RYT 500 and Expert Breathwork Facilitator. Jenna will lead a breathwork session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.During our conversation, we discuss what breathwork is and how it benefits us. We also chat about how to overcome blockers around practicing something new, like breathwork. If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cov...

(CW: Suicide, abuse)A common question in our community is “when is the right time to tell the truth about parentage?” While some say there is never a good time to tell, many believe that the truth should be shared from birth. In this week’s episode, Miranda’s story highlights the importance of telling early - and often. Miranda’s mother never hid the truth about her paternity, but she still recalls the shock of hearing it explicitly stated when she was a young child. She shares how her c...

During this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I interview advanced yoga teacher Lanita Ugstad. Lanita will facilitate a gentle movement session at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22, 2024 in Phoenix, AZ.We discuss how yoga is beneficial for people who have experienced trauma, and what it means to facilitate a session through a trauma lens. Lanita also offers some guidance for people who are apprehensive about practicing yoga (hint: you don’t need to be super flexible!).If this discussion...

Did you grow up feeling different from your family? That feeling of being inexplicably out of place haunts many people in the DNA surprise community throughout childhood and adulthood - before they uncover the truth.In this week’s episode, Sarah shares how while she always felt different from her family - she was more sensitive and had a different worldview. Still, she never suspected that her beloved father wasn’t biologically related to her. After his unexpected and tragic passing, Sarah an...

In this bonus episode of DNA Surprises, I speak with therapist Venessa De La Cruz about betrayal trauma. Venessa will facilitate a session on Betrayal Trauma at the DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ.She defines what betrayal trauma is and how things like DNA surprises can manifest for us both physically and mentally. We also dive into how to begin rebuilding trust again.If this discussion resonated with you, join us at the DNA Surprise Retreat this year, where we will cover...

So many DNA surprises start with a gift. Mothers Day. Fathers Day. Prime Day. Christmas. Almost every month, consumer DNA testing companies offer deals encouraging people to give a DNA test as a present. If you’re listening to this podcast, you know how this sometimes turns out.In this week's episode, Shannon shares how after receiving a DNA test as a gift from a friend, she learned that her birth certificate father is not genetically related to her. As it turns out, her biological father was...

This special episode of DNA Surprises features Megan Irwin, a licensed therapist specializing in grief, loss, trauma, and PTSD. Megan will facilitate a session on parts work at the 2024 DNA Surprise Retreat, September 19-22 in Phoenix, AZ.During our discussion, we covered what parts work is (and isn’t) and why people typically think of it in terms of their inner child. Megan shared how recognizing and freeing our parts leads to a greater sense of harmony within oneself. We also chatted about ...

Race. Ethnicity. Heritage. These are complex topics without the added nuance of a DNA surprise. Author Janeen Jackson grew up with two younger brothers and her parents in an African American household. In this week’s episode, she shares how, through a DNA test, she not only learned that she is adopted, but that her biological father is a white man. Janeen discusses the complexities of navigating familial bonds, and her journey to acceptance and understanding. She also reveals the purpose...

If there is one thing I hope we can all agree on, it’s that families come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with DNA surprises end up with two, three, or more fathers and just as many mothers, too. When Steve experienced his DNA surprise, he already had two men in his life that he called “Dad.” After he learned the truth about who his biological father is, he added a third to his list. In this week’s episode, Steve shares how he uncovered the truth. Trust me when I say, it’s an extrem...