Twinkle twinkle…it’s been 5 whole years!  Thank you to everyone that’s been with us for the ride. Crystal has a typical Hello Dysfunction encounter. Pata Fria finally cracks an ongoing case. Hugs to anyone that grew up with a mean grandpa or has kids that have scared you to death while hiding. Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head...

Pata Fria is feeling like vertigo, Crystal has had ENOUGH. Carolyn makes a gruesome discovery and once again our girl is called in for duty. Keep your creepy friends away, be careful when using harsh chemicals, rebounding is amazing exercise and it’s sad when you ruin your favorite restaurant. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...

Dogs are a huge responsibility. Crystal is still trying to re-home a really great fur baby. Disneyland for Peez was an amazing time and podcasts are perfect listening for road trips. Twitter has brought a lot of us together, updates about dumping jerks are awesome, traumatic visual flashbacks are terrible and please don’t drive in flip flops.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...

Old fashioned training diapers were painful. Manners are SO important. We need to go on a Midwest thrifting tour and Crystal is ready to call 911 at ALL times. Don’t ask your friends for discounts, don’t pick up snakes you don’t know, don’t send your kids with the Boy Scouts and don’t stay with a partner that wants to split every cost with you.  Check out this weeks sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to...

Crystal needs to CHILL OUT. Peez is having a big girl week. Teach your kids to keep their hands off other ppl’s property and we’ve updated some things on Patreon. IG is following accounts on it’s own, vaping is more dangerous that we realized, some of these kids games are advertising s*x games and Covid is back in town.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10%...

Mosquitos are attacking. We’re on YouTube. Corn really angers Crystal and Pata Fria wants a stud farmer. Since it’s available, everyone should be using full body deodorant. Stop remaking movies. Technology is killing is and our government is a joke. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]

Hot weather sucks. Don’t hang out near people’s front door. Peez is a singer, anonymous harassment is cowardly and technology is getting scary.  Tempers are short, Bay Area bippers are out of control and we don’t really mind if you want to have fun with our deceased family.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...

We’ve had a week of b******t, another one bites the dust, more words we like and some new natural biohacks. Watch who you pocket dial, costume jewelry is not for men, pray for Maui and we’re headed to the desert.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction  Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction  Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]

Pat is recovering from alcohol poisoning.  The live shows were more than we ever hoped for. Crystal thinks she has a “dance space”. Nations got us thinking we’re famous. Is Lizzo disgusting? Crystal is Peez’ favorite person in the world. And Taco Bell better stop skimping us.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...

We’re bleeding, overwhelmed and preparing for the live shows. Pata Fria is testing a new intimate bleaching cream, it’s Jimbo’s birthday, William hurt himself and Mark has been a huge help. A UTI vaccine is coming, a little progress is being made in the Tupac murder investigation, don’t fake a kidnapping and don’t act a fool in another country.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount...

It’s been a rough eventful week. Crystal is losing a toenail, displays excellent self control and has another new word for us. Pata Fria got a new car, shot photos in a kinky dream house and had an interaction with a possible trafficker.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s...

We’re fancy and video production has begun.  Pata Fria is experiencing creative mania, Crystal is showing off her vocabulary and if someone asks you about an enemy just say they died.  Don’t let your power get cut off, be kind to shipping employees and you know gore is bad when it leaves you with chest pains.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your...

Finally some nice weather.  Happy Birthday Bunny! RIP Billy and shoutout to all the great dads. Real panic auto adjusts your senses, stay out of submarines, Pata Fria had another planned parenthood date and don’t be the friend with the smelly vagina.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code...

Pata Fria is off her meds. Crystal has PTSD from a popular love song. Compliments from women are the only ones that matter and Orcas have had enough. Being naturally funny makes anyone attractive and you never know what’s coming when Carolyn is on live. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]

Crystal has a serious announcement.  We have an official HD tattoo.  Americans sometimes have to share prescriptions, Carolyn is a natural liar and she might have some secrets.  Pata Fria has some excellent post-breakup advice, Big Mama got her groove back and having standards is actually really important.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first...

Pata Fria drank a cigarette and feels sick.  Nations loves us therefore we’re famous.  RIP Tina Turner.  Be careful doing whip it’s, Nicki Minaj is embarrassing, men are not our favorite and the universe has been picking on Crystal.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Pata Fria is the birthday girl.  And also Stevi.  Mother’s Day was lovely, Crystal’s parents are inappropriate and our background noise is always a surprise. How honest are you? We hate Walgreens and love a good crime doc.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

Crystal thinks she’s so funny at the worst times.  Peez and Crystal have the same pronunciation, Mae and Ivan are done, Pata Fria is fired from the promo team and mark your calendars for the live show!!  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus...

It’s really true what they say, what’s done in the dark will always come to light. What happened to girl code? Crystal is almost prom queen at the new Safeway and many thanks to Robyn.   For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected] 

This week Hello Dysfunction got to sit in with another Bay Area podcast, Burbeck and Garretson. We got some male prospective and a lot covered with seven of us all sitting in.  Follow them for more awesome episodes at Burbeck & Garretson on Spotify  and Instagram.com/burbeckandgarretson  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head...

We’re still sick.  Pata Fria is drunk and off her meds.  The craft supplies are out of hand and Crystal has some great white trash tattoos.  Crystal’s family has more dark secrets and sharing a bed is poor people shit.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s...

Crystal loves having phlegm.  Pata Fria is going thru metamorphosis. Again.  Peez loves to cause a scene and cigarettes are pretty hot. Crystal’s dream ruined their new lashes, local sex workers are making everyone really proud, eating food in the bathroom isn’t that bad and the 90s were pretty barbaric.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your...

Rest In Peace Queen Prudence.  Stand on one foot if something is wrong.  Pata Fria is a single woman and will be for the rest of her life.  Poppies and eagles are for Merica. Carolyn is gonna hit Crystal any day now. Uncle Jimmy wants something and Pata Fria really doesn’t need alcohol.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...

This week we’re doing something different and sharing part of an episode that was exclusive to Patreon and we really enjoyed. We hope you like it, the full episode and video are on Patreon.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus episodes join...

Sinus infections, vertigo and stomach viruses…oh my! Traffic has Crystal ready to leave earth and tummy tuck swelling is an unpleasant surprise. It’s now illegal to send surprise unwanted nudes in CA and Trump is going to jail. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories at: [email protected]