Episodes
Published 03/23/24
Cemeteries are shady, we’re clearing out some merch, mail is still being stolen and Crystal’s ghost is getting personal. We may have discovered the cutest job ever, there’s a movie to look forward to, respect people that wanna leave the party and unexpected blessings are always nice. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 03/23/24
Chemtrails are making us sick, be careful at CVS, the caregiver saga continues and Pata Fria’s exes are all in sync. Let’s try fake toenails, Crystal has new animals, population concerns are really about capitalism and BBL’s do not SMELL! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email...
Published 03/15/24
Being a woman is fun, said no one ever. Crystal is experiencing life thru a new lens. Brain disorders really hinder being a human and Pata Fria overcame a fear. Crystal is still functioning as a death doula, women’s hygiene products are top tier, businesses are leaving, humanity is evaporating and you gotta be careful around dogs. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...
Published 03/02/24
Phone service was down, stay away from minors, numbing spray works wonders and we’re full of worms. Girl Scouts are cancelled, celebrities are gross and be careful with plumping lip gloss! For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories:...
Published 02/25/24
Happy Valentine’s Day, don’t eat bees, tweakers are so horny and drugs aren’t safe to experiment with anymore. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your questions/stories: hellodysfunctionpodcast.com 
Published 02/18/24
We had a little technical difficulty in the beginning but here we are. Testing new lighting, football fans are insane, perimenopause is upon us and being alone is pleasant. We love an ice cream sandwich family, Crystal might need to upgrade her cigs, 9-11 is still on speed dial and dress for the partner you want.  For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...
Published 02/13/24
Crystal had Covid, let’s read books, the rain won’t stop and getting old is not a good time. Prepare your kids for adulthood, women are pervs too, don’t ask people their body count and always be aware of your surroundings. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your...
Published 02/03/24
Peez has new pets, resellers are still annoying, physical reactions to genocide are normal and Rick Owens is a good brand to support. Could your dad be a serial killer, the universe gave us each other, be careful at the hospital and decorate your house however makes you happy. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 01/20/24
Riding with Crystal is an adventure, Peez has been cussing a LOT, Pata Fria is having a really bad week and we’re all ingesting plastic. Do you ever plan for prison in your head, Crystal has a great new client, no that’s not a stuffed animal and a period ain’t stopping nothing but a sentence. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 01/12/24
We love a good garage sale but hate reseller price gouging. Crystal met an animal that doesn’t love her for once. Don’t raise your kids to be mean girls and don’t spend your money with terrible companies. CEASEFIRE NOW, END THE OCCUPATION, FREE PALESTINE. For bonus episodes and early releases join Patreon! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 01/09/24
Xmas is still going, we love a man’s man, women need to carry guns and we would actually be really bad cops. Pata Fria might start taking tattoo appts, our government is the worst of the worst, Crystal isn’t great at remembering names and just don’t eat Carolyn’s cooking. FREE PALESTINE, CEASEFIRE NOW, END THE OCCUPATION.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For...
Published 12/29/23
The hangout was a success, making your partner a mixtape is true love, Crystal got to share some holiday spirit and Santa has been commodified. Bingo gets SERIOUS, practice proper pharmacy etiquette, Peez is loving cuss words and Pata Fria has been having some terrible dreams. Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to...
Published 12/23/23
We’re back after a month.  The flu is not playing fair, Crystal is hit with tragedy once again and losing Carl was a loss for so many.  Who’s doing the hiring at Richmond Kaiser, Crystal is enjoying a new meat, Charlene had a favorite roadside hustler and don’t support soft white underbelly.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 12/16/23
Crystal has on cute socks and Pata Fria is losing her voice. Migraines can ruin your life, toddlers are insane, coffee and books have been the vibe this week and boycotting works. Oil pulling has begun, men are not ok, Hollywood is full of pedos and abusers and this week we got some great write ins.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 12/03/23
Pata Fria’s whole house is sick, wear your shoes while you can because they crumble, beware of the Bernie’s and please keep spreading the truth about this genocide. Client flashbacks are fun, Crystal has been making more friends, the older you get the less clingy you are and exposure therapy really works.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first...
Published 11/25/23
Mark is on a honeymoon with his mom, FREE PALESTINE, always acknowledge rock ‘n roll, STD’s have a dark origin, discovering new coffees is fun and diaper rash cream saves the day.  Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head over to betterhelp.com and use discount code HELLO, that’s betterhelp.com/HELLO For bonus episodes join our...
Published 11/10/23
Happy Halloween guys!! Pata Fria is having a really rough menstrual moment, when working with old folks maybe leave your bad attitude at home, teenage house parties are NOT a good time and unfortunately most beauty treatments come with risks. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us...
Published 11/03/23
Xmas tree scented candle got us in the spirit, Crystal doesn’t deserve the amount of poop she has to deal with, never trust a sneaky bum and do not wear super curved toenails. FREE PALESTINE, censorship is out of control, while joking kids are always off limits and ghosts are still showing off.   Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head...
Published 10/27/23
FREE PALESTINE. Karma is gonna get shady car mechanics., our priorities are not in order, school stuff is stressful and bidets are fun. Don’t outshine the birthday girl, whale watching is coming soon, celebrities are doing way too much lately and industry plants might be a thing. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 10/20/23
FREE PALESTINE. Busy days are rough, black mold is dangerous, kids should not be dealing w discrimination in 2023 and Peez is really a ray of sunshine. Beware of creepy men, violent exes and celebrities that need you to send them money. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction Instagram.com/lurkpatafria Instagram.com/crystaldamato21 Email us your...
Published 10/13/23
Twinkle twinkle…it’s been 5 whole years!  Thank you to everyone that’s been with us for the ride. Crystal has a typical Hello Dysfunction encounter. Pata Fria finally cracks an ongoing case. Hugs to anyone that grew up with a mean grandpa or has kids that have scared you to death while hiding. Check out this week’s sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to our listeners. For 10% off your first month head...
Published 10/06/23
Pata Fria is feeling like vertigo, Crystal has had ENOUGH. Carolyn makes a gruesome discovery and once again our girl is called in for duty. Keep your creepy friends away, be careful when using harsh chemicals, rebounding is amazing exercise and it’s sad when you ruin your favorite restaurant. For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/hellodysfunction...
Published 09/28/23
Dogs are a huge responsibility. Crystal is still trying to re-home a really great fur baby. Disneyland for Peez was an amazing time and podcasts are perfect listening for road trips. Twitter has brought a lot of us together, updates about dumping jerks are awesome, traumatic visual flashbacks are terrible and please don’t drive in flip flops.  For bonus episodes join our Patreon!! Patreon.com/hellodysfunction Subscribe on YouTube! https://youtube.com/@hellodysfunction Follow us on IG:...
Published 09/22/23
Old fashioned training diapers were painful. Manners are SO important. We need to go on a Midwest thrifting tour and Crystal is ready to call 911 at ALL times. Don’t ask your friends for discounts, don’t pick up snakes you don’t know, don’t send your kids with the Boy Scouts and don’t stay with a partner that wants to split every cost with you.  Check out this weeks sponsor!  BetterHelp Professional therapy from the comfort of your own home. Right now BetterHelp is offering a discount to...
Published 09/15/23