Episodes
Prey takes the Predator franchise back to it's roots by focusing on a mano a mano fight to the death. However, what this film does even better than the original is create a compelling protagonist with a clear character arc. Synopsis Prey is set in 1719 in the Comanche nation. Our protagonist, Naru is a young woman that wants to prove herself as a capable hunter by going through kühtaamia, a coming of age hunt between a Comanche and an animal Predator. As...
Published 08/08/22
Published 08/08/22
We watched The Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence and were treated to one of the most lauded gross-out flicks in recent memory. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/GpcCJ8ozirU Synopsis This is the unfortunate story of Martin, a diminutive, quiet, and overweight lad who doesn’t fancy senseless chit-chat. Martin is a nightshift parking lot attendant who has an obsession with...
Published 08/03/22
Jordan Peele's third outing as a horror film writer/director, Nope, continues his trajectory as one of the best horror filmmakers of a generation. In Nope, he turns the trope of a UFO on it's head and makes it a truly terrifying presence. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis After a freak accident involving falling objects from the sky kills their father, OJ (Daniel Kaluuya) and Emerald Heywood (Keke Palmer) are left to manage the...
Published 07/27/22
We watched Vampire’s Kiss on Vudu and it was a delightful window into the soul of one of the most impressive, interesting, and entertaining actors of our age, Nic Cage. * (1:45) - Intro* (7:00) -Synopsis* (7:40) -Review* (13:50) -Score* (25:57) -Spoilers* (1:13:30) -Bad Reviews for Good Movies https://youtu.be/PnoSxO_2ghQ Synopsis Publishing executive Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) is bitten by a woman and starts acting erratically. Believing that he...
Published 07/20/22
Here's a sneak peek of what our Patreon members at the "We All Spoop For Ice Spoop" tier get every month. This is an exclusive review for that tier and higher. Sign up to access all our previous pretentious episodes at our Patreon page.
Published 07/16/22
Before Sarah Michele Gellar, Kristy Swanson brought Joss Whedon's iconic vampire slaying heroine to the silver screen. Does this 90s relic hold up to scrutiny sans nostalgia? listen to our latest episode to find out. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis Buffy the Vampire Slayer, before she was an iconic television heroine was first found on the silver screen starring Kristy Swanson. Considering this movie is 30 years old, I’m not...
Published 07/13/22
We watched Resolution on Tubi and were treated to something so meta that Facebook might have a case against them. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/6-5uBCIA94c Synopsis Mike (Peter Cilella) heads out into the country to force his friend Chris (Vinny Curran) to quit his stimulant abuse after receiving a video of him deep in the depths of psychosis. Upon...
Published 07/06/22
If you want to feel stranger danger, look no further than Scott Derrickson's new film The Black Phone in theaters now. This well constructed and acted supernatural thriller is well worth your time. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis Pretty much all you need to know is in the trailer. In the late 70s in North Denver, there is a spate of missing children. Rumors abound of a predator named “the Grabber”. Finney, the...
Published 06/29/22
We watched Constantine on HBO Max and I realized that I had a bunch of unfounded ill-will toward this movie, which is pretty good. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/DEa508Xmmio Synopsis Constantine is about John Constantine (Keanu Reeves), a DC character whose job is essentially to send demons back to hell. Or at least he made it his job when he realized that he...
Published 06/22/22
Mad God is the new Phil Tippett stop motion animation movie available exclusively on Shudder. In this Patreon only review, we talk a lot about this movie and what we loved and hated about it. To support our show and gain access to the following Patreon only Pretentious reviews, support us on Patreon! Movies you can only hear us review on Patreon: * Mad God (2022)* The Vanishing* Cat People (1942)* Zombie (1979)* Cemetery Man (1994)* Psycho* The Last House on the...
Published 06/18/22
For Pride month this year, we decided to review a great LGBTQ+ horror movie. Saying Stranger By The Lake is a horror movie, is pretty generous, since it is more on the light end of thriller. But what it lacks in horror, it makes up in homoeroticism. Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis At a French lake, Franke spends his summer days cruising for gay sex. Along the way he befriends the pudgy middle-aged depressive Henri who is...
Published 06/15/22
We went and saw Crimes of the Future and witnessed David Cronenberg's return to body horror in one of the most upsetting films of the year. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website https://youtu.be/xyCI741MqPY Synopsis Crimes of the Future is a story about the far flung future, where the earth has succumb to environmental havoc wreaked on it by the human race. Humanity has been treated with...
Published 06/08/22
This film is the epitome of body horror, done by the master of body horror: David Cronenberg. If you have never seen The Fly, you'll definitely be saying to yourself "Ew, David". Artwork by Dusting Goebel (@dgoebel00 on Instagram) Synopsis Jeff Goldblum plays Seth Brundle, a brilliant scientist that has successfully developed a working transporter. When he shows it to Geena Davis’ Veronica Quaife there are still a few kinks to work out with transporting...
Published 06/01/22
We went and saw Men and, for most men it will be a similar viewing experience to staring into a mirror for an hour and a half. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website * (1:40) - Intro* (6:10) -Synopsis* (8:15) -Review* (23:00) -Score* (25:15) -Spoilers* (1:26:15) - Taglines* (1:31:45) - Horror Movie WHOORES https://youtu.be/HKJ4Thgk1Js Synopsis Men is a movie about a woman named Harper...
Published 05/25/22
Synopsis An American man marries a Serbian immigrant who fears that she will turn into the cat person of her homeland's fables if they are intimate together. Review of Cat People (1942) Like most movies from the 40s, there is a lot of things you have to get used to stylistically before you can see through the time period and production quality to get to the value of the film. A few films stand out as familiar because they figured out a lot of movie making tricks that...
Published 05/23/22
Just like prodigy sang: I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter; You're a firestarter, twisted firestarter. This Blumhouse remake of the 80s classic is more twisted, but is it worth a watch? Listen to our review to find out. Artwork by Dustin Goebel @dgoebel00 on instagram Synopsis Firestarter is the second adaptation to Stephen King’s 8th novel. It tells the story of a young girl Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) trying to control her supernatural power to...
Published 05/18/22
We watched The Sadness before it was available for streaming in the US because we are a big time movie review podcast. I can easily say that this is one of the craziest movies I’ve ever seen, and will stick with me for a long time. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website https://youtu.be/VUR1DWh7eLs Synopsis The Sadness follows boyfriend Jim (Berant Zhu) and girlfriend Kat (Regina Lei) on their...
Published 05/11/22
Don't let the subtitles turn you off. This is one of the best theatrical horror movie releases of the year. The Hatching will stay with you, especially if you were raised by a narcissist. * (1:12) - Intro* (4:51) - Synopsis* (5:21) - Review* (13:52) - Score* (18:29) - Spoilers* (1:28:19) - Taglines* (1:32:57) - Interview with mystery cast member Artwork by Dustin Goebel @dgoebel00 on instagram Synopsis Finnish freshman director Hanna Bergholm heads...
Published 05/04/22
We watched The Wailing on Shudder.com and found out just how badly a well meaning dad can f**k up his entire family. A lesson I learned long ago. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. https://youtu.be/43uAputjI4k Synopsis Jong-goo (Kwak Do-won) is a local policeman and caring father to Hyo-jin (Hwan-hee Kim), the precocious young daughter. A stranger enters their village and immediately...
Published 04/27/22
The movie that launched a thousand stationary camcorders. Paranormal Activity cracked the code of found footage to make one of the most successful horror movies of all time. Listen to our review and see if it still holds up. * (1:12) - Intro* (7:24) - Synopsis* (8:52) - Review* (13:37) - Score* (19:11) - Spoilers* (1:11:13) - Taglines Artwork by Dustin Goebel @dgoebel00 on instagram Synopsis Paranormal Activity follows Katie and Micah, young...
Published 04/20/22
We saw Willow Creek on Vudu and it was everything that I remember about talking to Bigfoot believers. @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. * (1:23) - Intro* (6:00) -Synopsis* (7:15) -Review* (12:30) -Score* (19:15) -Spoilers* (49:30) - Final Recommendations* (52:15) - Horror or Porno https://youtu.be/wJ5GEkHsnrs Synopsis Willow Creek is a found footage film focused on bigfoot...
Published 04/13/22
The Possession of Hannah Grace does the smart move and doesn't make itself a carbon copy of all The Exorcist copycats. This is an interesting twist on the demon possession sub genre and is well crafted enough to overcome its repetitiveness. * (1:24) - Intro* (6:30) - Trailer* (8:59) - Synopsis* (11:21) - Review* (13:17) - Score* (22:45) - Spoilers* (1:13:12) - Horror Movie Whooores* (1:34:21) - @this_bird_* (1:57:10) - Bad Reviews for Good Movies* (2:01:11) - Rotten...
Published 04/06/22
We watched Puppet Master on Tubi and were reminded of a simpler time, a time when puppets rules the earth and we were helpless to prevent their tyrannical rule. * (1:00) - Intro* (5:30 ) - Synopsis* () - Review* (10:20) - Score* (20:45) - Spoilers* (56:39) - Talking about the live show* (1:15:20) - Horror Movie Whooores @dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website. ...
Published 03/30/22
Is X going to give it to you? Yes, indubitably, X is going to give it to you. * (2:41) - Intro* (6:00) - Trailer* (8:46) - Synopsis* (9:30) - Review* (18:14) - Spoilers* (1:16:34) - Horror or Porno?* (1:34:21) - Horror Movie Whoooores Artwork by Dustin Goebel @dgoebel on Insta Synopsis In the Halcyon days of mid-coke, pre-aids 1979, a fledgling porn production crew sets off to Rural Texas to try and film the next mainstream breakout porno, ala...
Published 03/23/22