I dunno how we've gone almost a year without talking about credit scores - so surprised that I had to check the episode list.  But, better late than never - it's time to fix that s****y credit of yours.Having a non-s****y credit score is absolutely...

Last episode we talked about shooting shit, so this episode we’ll cover the flipside - how to not die after getting shot.This’ll be focused on how to fix yourself, as the odds of you having someone standing next to you to patch you up after getting shot...

Since the world always feels one bad day away from devolving into a s****y post-apocalyptic wasteland, understanding guns and how to shoot them would probably be helpful.Obviously you aren’t going to become a proficient sniper from listening to a single...

I figure we all spend so much f****n time at Taco Bell that most of us have forgotten how to not completely embarrass ourselves during any semi-respectable event.  Maybe you’re interested in learning table manners, maybe you think it’s a buncha...

It’s been a long break, but I’m back to insult your intelligence - hopefully every week without breaks for a good long while.You’ve almost certainly heard of the clown-show that is the stock market these last few months, with all the reddit-based retail...

Hey there, welcome to Misfigured. Today we’re gonna get weird and convince a group of people to do irrational things. Everyone has heard of groups of crazy people doing crazy things and following a crazy leader, but it never fully makes sense how anyone could possibly subscribe to the madness looking at them as an outsider. Today we’re gonna create an obsession worthy cause, frame that cause as a source of answers and belonging, establish rules and an ethos, recruit and manipulate...

Oil is like your car’s blood - if there’s not enough of it, or if there’s something wrong with it - your car will die.  Your engine is basically just a shit-ton of metal pieces strapped together that are shoved around by controlled explosions. This creates a ridiculous amount of heat and friction.  This heat and friction will wear down the metal pieces until they break, heat them to the point where they warp in shape which causes them to break, or heat them so goddamn much that they...

If you’re under 40 years old, you’re a Millennial by most standards.  If you’re a Millennial, there’s about a 50% chance you own a home, according to the most recent census data. Also if you’re a Millennial, there’s about a 60% chance that you regret buying that home, according to a large poll by Bankrate.com. One of the main reasons you regret buying that home? Not understanding the ongoing maintenance responsibilities and associated costs. Almost nobody I’ve met in my age bracket or...

Bitcoin, or “Cryptocurrency”, is one of those things that almost everyone has heard of, but almost nobody actually understands. A survey was done a few years ago and only 6% of respondents said they were familiar with how it works.  That means that, statistically speaking, you have no f*****g idea how this thing works that you probably hear about on a semi-regular basis, and that just won’t do. Cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin, and the underlying “Blockchain” technology that drives them, is...

I wanted to get one up to prepare you for “Health Insurance Open Enrollment” season that’s right around the corner. Every year a lot of people just kinda guess what health insurance to go with, or maybe just pick the cheapest option. Your employer will almost always recommend the cheaper option, as they share the cost and it’s cheaper for them. That doesn’t mean that the cheaper option isn’t your best option, it’s just important to remember that there’s more factors than the “Total Annual...

It’s November as of this recording, which means Tax Season is right around the corner. Whether you owe money or you’re expecting a refund - you’re definitely annoyed that it isn’t easier, and probably curious why filing your own goddamn taxes isn’t taught in school.  Taxes blow, and for reasons more frustrating than you might even realize. But we’re gonna figure out how they work, how to do them, and what half that garbage means. More specifically, we’re gonna cover the difference between...

In light of the American Holiday “Thanksgiving” being next week, we’re gonna set you up for success to be less of a garbage person. This isn’t my preferred genre of topic - but it’s still a very real concept with tangible steps you can actively take to be better at it.  Thankfulness and Happiness are a series of choices - ones you make all day every day without realizing it - and have astonishingly little to do with your situation or environment, despite people seeming to think they...

Marijuana was just legalized in several more states, and I’m guessing there’s a lot of people out there plotting their new careers as pot farmers. Maybe you’ve already googled it, clicked the first wiki-how article that popped up, and are about to drop a few seeds in a few pots in your living-room and be wildly disappointed by your yield. Maybe you found an incredibly detailed and pretentious article about the 10 billion possible f****n nuances to growing marijuana, and you’re plotting...

Hello there!  We’re back, and it’s time for Season Two of Misfigured Life - comin at you from a new city and a new recording studio.  Let’s get to it.  You want people to stop judging you based on your gross lack of charisma and abrasive personality yeah? Great.  Fortunately for you, humans are hard-wired to dramatically simplify the world around them on autopilot without even realizing it.  This provides you, the unlikeable person, with an exceptional opportunity to game the system in...

Today we’re going to learn how to manipulate and condition the behavior of our four-legged companions. Super well behaved dogs are uncommon - we’re always so surprised and impressed when we see them, and we all pretend they’re just “Really good dogs” - instead of accepting the fact that “Well behaved dogs” are created from years of strategic and consistent hard work and conditioning. Most people simply don’t have the discipline and willpower required to raise their dogs to be extremely well...

Today we’re gonna kill ourselves.  Not literally - fraudulently. There’s a lot of reasons why people have fabricated their own early demise over the years, from cashing out life-insurance policies, to dodging student loans, avoiding jail time, or even just checking to see if people like them.  We’re going to plan and lay out the best possible strategy for committing “Pseudocide”. There’s three primary steps to any successful Pseudocide.  Planning and Executing the “Incident” Having a...

Today’s topic is getting a job. We’re gonna write a kickass resume, find a job, apply to a job, and crush a job interview. Welcome to “How to Get a Job”. Step one is writing a resume. Well, technically the first step would be to take a moment of introspection and figure out what you want in life, why you want it, what’s important to you, and what you’re actually good at if you’re being honest with yourself.  But I hate talkin about that shit because I can’t effectively tell you how to not...

Football is just a couple weeks away, so if you haven’t drafted that team yet you’re about to. We’re gonna focus primarily on draft strategy and week-to-week adjustment strategies - while trying to avoid getting too deep in the weeds. Right out the gate, let’s clarify we’re talkin American Football - not what we and a couple other countries refer to as soccer.  More specifically, the art of drafting and winning in a Fantasy Football league. First things first - understanding what you’re...

Today’s topic is something just about everyone has to do several times in their life, and - if you’re not rich - it sucks gigantic balls each time.  Welcome to - “How to Relocate” We’re gonna talk about purging your useless garbage, how and what to plan, the importance of organization, and all the shit that everyone screws up that makes moving extra miserable.   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

We’ll throw some assumptions in the trash, look for sh*t that matters, and manipulate the person a little before and after the potential lie to increase our rate of success.Fortunately, science and research is a thing, providing us with semi-reliable...

Learn how to do life more gooder. "Horrible podcast, it's insulting and the language is unnecessary" - Your Mom, probably.Misfigured Life is an educational podcast that respects your time and absolutely nothing else.  Realistic steps to accomplish...

Today we’re gonna make an amateur nerd out of you and magically grant you access to almost any wi-fi, regardless of how impressive their security is. Welcome to “How to Hack Wi-Fi”.-----------------------------------------Wifi Adapters:$15 TP-Link N150...

Since you’re all secretly insecure and terrified of looking stupid or being on the receiving end of criticism or repercussions, welcome to “How To Make A Decision”.  The answer to this question is incredibly subjective and often situationally specific -...

Before we can convince that lady or gentleman that we aren’t classless slobs, we’ll need to crush out some terminology and concepts first. We’ll break down some of the most popular “Varietals”, aka different types of wines. We’ll also touch on what food...