Adjustment disorders are basically having excessive reactions to some stress (or stressors) in your life that result in overly strong emotions, increased negative thinking and some sort of change in behavior. The key is that the reaction to this event is way more intense than would typically be expected. As you might imagine, this can cause a lot of problems in your relationships, work or school. Today I’ll teach you what adjustment disorders are, the signs you might have one, and how to...

The vast majority of people find it difficult to talk about money with partners, friends or family. At the root of this issue is something called money shame. To have effective conversations about finances with others, we have to understand money shame and how to overcome it. Today, I’ll not only be discussing money shame, but we’ll also talk about financial incompatibility, the beliefs you have about money that are getting in your way and, as always, my top tips for moving past all that and...

I’m not going to keep you in suspense on this one. You know you’re making a “right” decision, or following your “gut,” when you’re acting from the rational part of your brain, not from the fear part of your brain. What I’m going to help you with today is learning the difference between the two and my top five tips for knowing if you’re making the right decision and listening to your gut.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes:...

Shame doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter if you’re fat or thin, rich or poor, tall or short: shame is an equal opportunity emotion and it’s amazingly destructive. Research has linked it to violence, addiction, depression, sleep problems, eating disorders, bullying and anxiety. But what’s the difference between guilt and shame? And then what the heck is toxic shame? Today I’m answering all your questions and coming at you with my top tips for recovering from toxic...

Jealousy in a moment happens when you perceive someone or something else as a threat to your relationship. Retroactive jealousy is different because you feel threatened by something or someone in your partner’s past but there’s no current situation happening that’s triggering this feeling. Today I’m going to talk about the signs of retroactive jealousy, why you act this way and my top five tips for making it stop.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes:...

My name is Abby, and I don’t like Valentine’s Day. There. I said it. But across the US and all around the world, people are celebrating Valentine’s Day either today or on another special date (depending on the country). Today I’m going to share the three steps for having a Valentine’s Day filled with connection, love and joy, whether you’re single or shacked up.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes:...

With Valentine’s Day around the corner in about 30 countries around the world, I thought it would be an excellent time to talk about Gary Chapman’s love languages. Let me say first that I’m not a Gary Chapman hater, and I think the Love Languages quiz can be fun and a little informative. However, this is not a one-size-fits-all theory and I’ve definitely found times that it’s even been detrimental for my clients. Today I’m going to answer your burning questions about the five love languages....

I know you’ve heard that curiosity killed the cat, but that negative spin is all wrong! We know from the research that curiosity will help with everything from improving your relationships, to coping better with rejection to feeling happier and more fulfilled in your life. In the last thirty years, we’ve amassed a lot of great research illustrating the benefits of curiosity. In fact, describing a day you felt curious will boost your mental and physical state by 20% more than if you told me...

What do you do when your partner gets along great with their ex and wants to spend all holidays and main events with them and the kids? You’re invited too, of course, but you feel like a third wheel somehow and you’re wondering how to fit in. Do you push your feelings aside for the greater good or draw boundaries around your needs? Today, I’m answering a question from one of you as we figure out the right thing to do.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes:  ...

Here we are with part two of The Five Steps to Having an Empowered Mindset. If you haven’t listened to the first part yet, that’s OK; this one stands on its own (although I encourage you to go back and listen to episode 269). Today we’re going to discuss having a fixed versus a growth mindset and the tips for having a growth mindset, which will lead to feeling strong, confident and empowered. ____________________________ 👉 Full blog and show...

An empowered mindset means that you make conscious choices followed by intentional actions to take control of your life. It means you take responsibility for creating the life you want and leave victimhood in the past. But how exactly do you do that? This is a special two-part episode (because I’ve got so much great stuff to share). In today’s episode, I’ll be outlining four of the five steps I want you to take to have a new mindset filled with happiness, ease and empowerment. Then next week,...

I’ve said over and over that the secret to a life filled with connection, ease and joy is to create and hold boundaries. And there’s one big thing that generally gets in the way of holding those boundaries: having a victim mentality. In my almost 40 years of experience, working with thousands of people, this is an issue with almost every person I meet. Sometimes it’s a big issue, and sometimes it’s smaller, but it’s almost always there in some way. The problem is that this way of thinking...

Hello. My name is Abby, and I hate to ask for help. Despite all my years of therapy and teaching others how important it is, asking for help is still something I find difficult to do and I know I’m not alone! Today, I’ll be sharing the reasons why it’s hard to ask for help, the research behind the benefits of doing it and my top three tips for becoming someone who asks and receives.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes:...

The short answer is “yes,” but the real question is, “When should I listen to my relationship doubts and when should I ignore them?” Whether you’re deciding to move in together and having doubts, or you’ve been together for ten years and wondering if it’s time to go your separate ways, relationship doubts can crop up at any point in a relationship. So how do you separate normal doubts from an inner voice you should listen to? Today, I’m bringing you the top four questions you need to ask...

You’ve tried to draw a boundary with your partner, boss or best friend, but they call you selfish, self-absorbed or even narcissistic! How could dare you prioritize yourself over what they want? In my new book, Boundaries Made Easy (which is dropping in just a couple of weeks on 12/5/23), I dispel the myth that holding a boundary is selfish and explain what healthy selfishness is all about. Today, I’m giving you a sneak peek into what selfishness really is and how you can learn to hold your...

Your current partner is friends with one or more of their past partners or hookups, and you don’t like it. You’ve told them you’re uncomfortable, but they say they’re just friends and you’re overreacting. Does it mean you have to break up? Should you push the issue or just grin and bear it? Today, we’ll be talking about the real reason you’re upset and what you can do about it.  ____________________________ Full blog and show...

How do you not let your family drive you crazy this holiday season? Boundaries. How can you find peace even though there’s so much going on during November and December? Boundaries. How can you enter the new year feeling refreshed and energized? Boundaries once again! If you’re looking for ease and joy this holiday season, I can help you get there, and there’s only one thing you need to focus on (you guessed it), boundaries! Today, I’m going to teach you my best tips for not just surviving,...

Have you been thinking it’s time to call it quits in your relationship, but maybe you’re wondering if you’re quitting too soon or wanting to leave for the wrong reasons? It can be hard to know when a relationship “should be” over. Today I’ll be sharing the top five signs that a relationship might be over.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/how-do-you-know-when-a-relationship-is-over Want to feel happier and more connected in your...

Defense mechanisms are your brain’s (mostly unconscious) way of avoiding conflict, anxiety or upset. Although they get a bad rap, defense mechanisms are a necessary part of your psychology, and some are even considered healthy! Today, you’ll gain some self-awareness as you learn all about defense mechanisms and where you fit.  ____________________________ Full blog and show notes: https://abbymedcalf.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-defense-mechanisms Grab my FREE Grounding Exercises:...

Do you have that person in your life who, no matter what you do, you can’t seem to get through to them or get them to listen or engage in a healthy conversation about issues you’re experiencing in the relationship? You try to say how you’re feeling, but they flip it back on you and say, “What about my feelings?!” You get sad, but they get even more sad that you’re upset and now you’re taking care of them instead of them taking care of you?! These are all signs of a common defense mechanism...

Positive communication is communication that’s based on respect and builds trust and collaboration. Although it’s something that’s mostly been applied to the workplace, its goal is to build a psychologically safe space, and that’s something we can use in all our relationships. In fact, the research shows that positive communication doesn’t just benefit the other person, it also promotes health and wellness benefits for you! Today, I’m sharing the five keys to positive communication so you can...

If you’re listening to me right now, you’ve felt some kind of decline in your relationship or, as the song goes, “you’ve lost that loving feeling.” Or maybe you just want to make sure that decline never happens to you. Either way, it’s important to know that you can absolutely continue to have a strong physical connection and fall more in love with your partner as the years progress. But how do you do it? Today, we’re going to discuss the research (as always), and then I’m coming at you with...

Did you know that the opposite of patience isn’t impatience? I’ve got to tell you that I didn’t know that until I started researching this episode. Patience is actually on a continuum, with too much or too little, on either side of the spectrum, being unhealthy. The sweet spot is somewhere right in the middle. Having patience is correlated with all kinds of good stuff: the ability to work collaboratively, healthy and strong relationships, and achievement of goals. Today, you’ll learn about...

Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is a type of cognitive-behavioral therapy created by psychologist Marsha Linehan in the early 1980s. It’s an evidence-based, highly successful type of therapy used to help people regulate intense emotions and improve their relationships. What does this have to do with problem-solving? Well, in all its brilliance, DBT outlines four ways to solve any problem and I’ve been using this strategy with great success with all my clients. These four ways to solve...

OK, when I hear the words self-love, I want to throw up in my mouth a little because I’m thinking of some Brené Brown quote needlepointed onto a pillow or a bunch of people in a drum circle chanting “I am worthy.” Today we’re taking self-love out of the woo and putting it directly into the real world of improving your physical, psychological, and spiritual well-being. Stay tuned as I discuss how it’s different from self-care, narcissism, and self-compassion and my top five tips for getting it...