Welcome to season 48 of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Time to talk about Jean-Claude Van Damme, one of our favorite podcast mainstays. This week, we talk about 1996's The Quest, which is about a guy who does stuff that's irrelevant, and then becomes heavyweight champ or something. Basic burglar befriends Bond before brawling with a bevy of bruisers but barely benefits! Making multiple movies mirroring each other! Stilted jester connection! Rob's Benoit/Dubois conundrum! Indefinite...

*blows into conch shell* GOOD MOVIE WEEK! The Running Man... yeah! Felon friends flee and fight five frightening followers! Orwellian execution! Chainsaws to the cock! Fun prison break! Richard Dawson! Whitman, Price, and Haddad! Futuristic fake film editing! “I’ll be back” sandwiches! Quivering bloody sushi? Combat cold cuts, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we take a close look at Steven Seagal's Out for a Kill; a movie about how awesome Steven Seagal is, according to Steven Seagal. Let's get into it, shall we? Professor Pudgy parts with his partner prior to pouncing pill pushers! Fuzzy Tit-Scope (™)! Causing accidents by ambling through ancient artifacts! Wanton destruction of small business (again)! Monks versus mullet messing up a memorial! PowerPoint punishing! Wholesale slaughter of strippers and civilians in strip club,...

We done finally did it and watched Plan 9 from Outer Space; a movie that makes absolutely no f*****g sense. You need to just watch the movie, and then listen to this episode, and then watch the movie while listening to this episode in order to unpack all of the topics we cover, including, but not limited to: Rob’s early whore plugging! Deceased dudes and a dame decree death to dead land dwellers! Lieutenant’s lackadaisical legislating with his Luger looming! General disregards Dracula’s...

This week, we keep true to our word and talk about Death Race 2000 after a listener told us to watch it (email us!). Can't say we hated it, but it's definitely high-level trash featuring a young, but still marble-mouthed Sly Stallone that's totally worth viewing. Careening killer cars cause commoners to kick the can!Nonsensical Neo-Nazism! Frankenstein’s giant jar of Cosby Drops™! Flawless and fully reformed frame and f**k-stick! Scoring senior citizens and tallying toddler trampling!...

This week, we talk about The Dark Backward... a movie involving casual necrophilia, Bill Paxton playing an accordion, and standup comedy apparently. You're going to want to listen to this episode because as much as we hated this movie, it's hard not to laugh at the clips we conjured up. Extra extremities exciting an extroverted eccentric! Filth and moisture! Accordion playing opportunists! Licking dead dumpster ladies! Buffoonery based on big boned beauties batting Bill's bits and bobs!...

Hello! Our fearless leader, Chris, wasn't able to make it to the show tonight. Apparently he had better things to do like catalog his stamp collection, play with LEGOs, purify himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka, attend an super exclusive ass party (his words, not ours), have a cake, kick off his DJ career, have an important foot bath, get a new pair of glasses, watch Donnie Darko, repair his extensive collection of dream catchers, smell his neighbor's various lizards, and grab some...

Time to talk about Time Cop. Do we follow Back to the Future Rules? Or do we follow Terminator rules? The answer is neither. We follow Jean-Claude rules, Van Dammit! Time traveling trooper tracks trouble makers! Not necessary nut shots! Blown out ball matter! Tell me he’s going to kill your family! F*****g with Fielding’s feelings! Total recall wife face angle comparisons! Suicide centric comedy beats! Jerk off time ripples! Sax penetration sequences! Zero hour explosion tropes!...

Ray Milland rears his ugly head once again as we attempt to dissect 1972’s Frogs, a movie that's almost exclusively about alligators and snakes apparently. Reptiles reap revenge on rich relatives! F**k this frog in particular fling at the festivities! Play playing cards correctly, collect piece of Poppy’s pie! Grumpy Gramps gonna get group got! Director decides that doggy dies! Proud Elliot’s jean jumpsuit penis-pants! It’s practically picnic! Snake wiener sleeves! Man spraying! Amphibious...

In 1976, Paul Schrader penned the screenplay for Taxi Driver, a film so important that it was considered "culturally, historically, or aesthetically" significant by the U.S. Library of Congress and was selected for preservation in the National Film Registry. In 2016, he directed Dog Eat Dog, which involves Nicolas Cage, Willem Dafoe, and Christopher Matthew Cook trying to steal a baby after a rousing game of "douse each other with condiments in a hotel room." Oh, how the great have...

We kick off season 38 of The Worst Movie Ever Made with The Thing With Two Heads... a screenplay that somehow landed a helicopter budget. Athletic African American anticipating amputation avenges accusation! Doing deliberate decapitation despite donor in the dark! Jack trying to mack with the doc in the sack! Needlepoint for men! Rick Baker side-struts! Full movie half-nelson! Dutch oven delegations! Garage Sale Get Out? Shared lung semantics, and much, much more on this week's episode of...

It's good movie week, so we're talking about Predator, which directly inspired that one episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force where Carl has a toilet bowl with an invisibility cloak that destroys his body, but only before he gets a new body made completely out of eyeballs! We've got nothing clever to say here, so we'll get right into the yelling. Arnold and almost Apollo annihilate adversary! Geena Davis jabs galore! Skinned humans still shocking! Hunters getting hunted! Blain’s MTV T-Shirt!...

We're wrapping up season 106 with R.I.P.D., a movie that has so much ham jammed into its third act that it's basically a fistful of mechanically separated pork. We've been doing this for a long time, guys, and we're tired. But next week we're going to watch Predator to cleanse our palates, so we won't run the car in the garage with the doors closed just yet! Ryan Reynolds’ reprehensible ripoff remake! Chris’ liquid s***s! Kevin Bacon’s heroin hairline! Hot gas having passed through a dead ass...

This week we finally took a look at the infamous Showgirls! Or as we like to call it, Whiplash with t*****s! Too many t*****s to TitScope (™)! Casually kicking cocks and causing chaos! Being a bitch to the babe that bought you burgers (and everyone else)! Crazy woman cusses wildly causing wimpy kids to wig out! Conjuring conflict by creating non-consensual coital climax completely clear of context! Disappointing lack of White Zombie! Zack’s satisfying cell-phone snap! Nomi swinging her...

Morbius. Mighty Morbin' Morphian Morbius. Wow. If the audio issues we had on this episode were any indication, we'd venture to guess that Jared Leto's stupid ass broke our podcast. We edited out most of the audio issues (Chris' My Little Pony themed soundboard was on the fritz) for your listening experience, but we'll never forget. Just like we'll never forget watching this piece of doo doo. Yelling: A virtual vampire vehicle is very vexing! Opaque overnight offense obscuring optics!...

We're coming in hot and heavy with Cutthroat Island, one of the biggest box office bombs in history (adjusted for inflation). This film is a naughty nautical adventure of a lifetime that nobody wants to be on, including us. But here we are, doing what we do best and beating ourselves over our heads until the concussion stars start to look like hidden treasure in our mind's eye. ... moving on. Painful pirate production proves pathetic! Whore hates Morgan’s homosexual hints! Firing on fine...

Welcome to episode 133, where we talk about The Number 23. But why? Well the answer is simple. 100 - 33 = 67. 67/2 = 33.5. The almond milk in Rob's fridge is 10.5 days past its "best by" date. 33.5-the almond milk... HOLY F**K IT'S 23. Cinematic crap cognizant of confused computation of cardinals! Reading raunch with your rug rat! Crazy counting clogs, cross trainers, cleats, and cowboy boots! The festival of eating a f**k-ton of dogs! Relocating remains for your reprobate romancer! Burn...

This week we talk about 1998's Godzilla; a movie about a worm scientist who's in love with a reporter. There's also a giant monster somewhere in the mix. Frenchie frequently flicking phalanges on fully automatic firearms! Unprofessional paleontologist pickup in a pickup attempt! Sincerely stupid sequel setup! Step on it, Mr. French! Reverend Lovejoy’s pump-and-run! The R word! Signature weapon breath? Pure b******t shock attempt with the Met-Life building hole! Disappointing lack of Tommy...

The gang celebrates Boxing Day by reviewing A Christmas Story 2, a movie that is of use to f*****g nobody. Bah humbug! Let's get into it. Gratuitous garish gags and gobbledygook! Scummy and salacious Santa! Patting a perfumed pair of puppies! Heavyset high-top hilarity! Sneaking subtle Drusilla sniffs! Regrettable recasting and resetting! Facepalm slapstick! Loose lip service, and much, much more on this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! www.theworstmovieevermade.com 

This week, we take a harrowing look into the world of Darius Emanuel Grouch III, aka "The Rumble," in Money Plane. Money Plane is definitely a movie. As the title suggests, there is money, and there is a plane. But do they get the money from the money plane? Your guess is as good as ours! Tune in to find out. Crummy career criminals crash a cruising casino! Heist posse failing to pinch a Picasso! Payday painting propped up on patio pavement! Best bud bedtime B&E! Putting your partner,...

Tonight we wrap up season 83 with a good movie in the form of Jackie Chan's Rumble in the Bronx. This is the Chan-man in peak form, pummeling and punishing as he dashes through the dizzying streets with a diamond dilemma! Surely a must watch. Let's get into it! Fists of fury, yet funny with finesse! New York’s character as a character! Uncle whatever’s interracial engagement! Awesome angle asking Angelo to escape the evil agency! Wanton destruction of small business! Gang breaking glass...

The bad movie portion of season 92 comes to an end, and we talk about Con Air, which is actually a good... no, a great movie according to Rob and Bob. Chis doesn't seem to think so, but he eventually sees the light. Boomer wet dream? Maybe. Rife with cliche? Perhaps. Balls to the wall amazing? You bet your top dollar. So let's chill some lemonade, and get into it! Undeterred by typical thriller tropes! Gambling Garland Green’s Vegas getaway! Ditching your daughter to drag down Diamond Dog...

MIAMI CONNECTION! You knew it had to be coming sooner or later. Let's get into it... Singing shirtless strays falling into several skirmishes! Snow chasing ninjas! Fistfight frenzies! Smashing your sister’s sweetheart at her school! Frequently flubbed dubbing! Catcalling car-riding beach-side band bros! Tasteless time wastin’ t**s and biker butt! Booby B-rolls! Out of context salami drops! Hand-me-down kitanas! Nosy toesy clenches! Broccoli cut Tom Selleck, and much, much more on this week's...

This week we talk about Escape from L.A., or as it's stylized, John Carpenter's Escape from L.A., which is basically a sequel to the far superior Escape from New York, even though it's basically just a remake. Let's get right into it, and get shittin' on Snake Plisskin. Carpenter and Kurt create a comeback with countless cameos! Abandoning escorts, escapees, and atheists on an offender-only island! Plisskin protecting fire-proof parka positively parching president’s perverse princess!...

That's it. Show's over! We did it! We found The Worst Movie Ever Made (TM): Chairman of the Bored. Is this the end of the podcast? YES it is (read: no it isn't)!!! Did the movie hold up under scrutiny? F**k no! Release the alliteration Kraken! Carrot Top’s cascading cartoonish character creating cascading chaotic calamity! Bob breaks out of the number two ditch! Shower curtain crashing on Carrot Top cleaning his carrot! Carrot Top condom career comes careening down when female’s father...