This week, we're going to celebrate the steaming cinema turd known as BIRDEMIC: SHOCK AND TERROR! You knew we’d end up here sooner or later, so here goes nothing: Avian atrocities around amateur actors and actresses' awkward adventure! PSAs out the A! Famished little f*****s refusing fish for French fries! Rod finds a rod! Badasses banging their burners at birds and a bus! Gallon gouging after getting got by gratuitous gulls. Brenda wig on the bark beetle guy! Improvised eyeball...

This week we get into 1985's Perfect, starring Terl from Battlefield Earth, and our favorite scream queen, Jamie Lee Curtis... but the only screaming that can be heard would be coming from our respective domiciles as we thrust and wiggle our way through this two-hour-long abomination. Aerobics amateur and aerobics auteur are actually annoying and acting atrociously! On-the-nose artwork all over your architecture! Walking through women’s post-workout waterworks! Gang-bang engagement...

This week, we take a look at White Chicks, a movie that couldn't be made today because of THE CULTURE WAR according to some dipshit on YouTube. Yelling: S****y spies - shrouded as shallow socialites - shimmy, shoot and, go shopping! Hangnail trebuchet! Wanton destruction of small business! Popping pistols at purveyors of Popsicles! The bestiality buildup! Cosby Drops (™) in the club! Dexter Deb’s eating disorder! Faux-feminine flatulence! Janice is not X-Ray Cat! Travolta trotting a...

This week we’re revisiting 2006’s The Wicker Man because Bob wasn’t a part of the show when we did this as our second episode, and we had to subject him to it as a rite of passage because he reveals that he had never seen it. ONE OF US! ONE OF US! Okay, time for the yelling because there is no shortage of that here! Rob got strobed! Cage as a cop comes to a Celtic cult only to cook to a crisp! Fists to female faces! Gunpoint bike-jacking! Pre-ritual rigamarole! Baby boy bye-byes! Ball...

New season, new format, and new us! What does that mean? We're onto some new b******t in the form of 1991's Cool as Ice; a movie that Machine Gun Kelly probably unironically thinks is the coolest thing ever. There's no way to prove this statement, but we feel it in our hearts. Let's do this! Rudimentary raps from a ridiculous race-robbing cradle robber! Jacking a Jill's journal! F*****g for forgiveness! Floor-humping a female fresh from high school! Hopping a fence, harming a horse, and...

Good movie week, so it's time to talk about 1986's Aliens! Wow what a movie, let's talk about it. Facehuggers are fellated by fellas and females to form fierce foes! Bill Paxton! Supremely sophisticated set designs! Quick creation of complex characters! Excluding irrelevant explanations! Hovering over hopelessness! Crafting claustrophobia! Mute Newts! Strong female character crescendo! Forklift foreshadowing! Cumming inside the prop sock! Baboon shriek alien screams! Holly-washing...

Steel, starring Shaquille “Big Aristotle” O’Neal, steals our heart, but you will soon see that it all falls apart. This movie may have well been a part of the DCEU, but hey, 1997 was long before Ezra Miller was caught with their Flash flaps down, so who are we to judge?  Shaq s***s the sheets as a steel sporting super sucky celebrity! Wanton destruction of private property! Looney Tune metal man on a motorbike! The rocket booster hove-round! Wheelchair bound power plasma! Pirating the...

This week we talk about Krull… or Big budget Ice Pirates? It’s a fantastic formative fantasy, far from faulty film fodder… but far from flawless. Let’s get into it! Consuming some snot’s cinnamon snack and saying he’s unimpressive! Whimsical warhorses laying waste to wheat fields! Doody wrapped boomerang blades! Medieval galaxy space knights with laser halberds! Sacrificing innocent civilians, stalling for your savior! Slapping your stallion! Silly goose garbling! The ever elusive mystery...

Jack and Jill ... deserving of its abysmal Rotten Tomatoes score? Or just another by-the-numbers late-in-career Adam Sandler outing? These are the hard-hitting questions that we try to answer in this week's episode of The Worst Movie Ever Made! Sex switch sister satire steers from snickers! Rattling the Sandler slot! Shameful ShamWow Shlomi and Jail-bait Jared sharing a scene! Adam’s audacity acting as Jack impersonating Jill! Adults amused by animal abuse! Back and forth Sandler banter!...

This week, we break down Not Another Church Movie. A Tyler Perry parody film… or a Tyler Parody. A comedy making fun of a comedy. Let that sink in. Okay, yelling. Miraculously and maliciously making a mockery of Madea! Double booby Robby Bobby five-point pitch shot! Busdriver bribing babe to bear her bazoombas! Grandpa’s got gas gags! Homophobic humor hinged on high-speed dating! Crossbreeding a humpback and a sow? Making fun of comedy! Rob foregoing the fart bait! Halloween house clown...

This week, we talk about suburban commando, a film that would have been better served by a 17-minute ruin time. This one was so tough to get through that our generally grating and nasal voices actually have a soothing effect when compared to the source material in question. Let's get into it! Hulk Hogan helps the hapless while heaping heaps of havoc! Doing a doggy dirty by fencing its face for a film! Totaling a traffic light with extra-terrestrial tommygun! Attempted adolescent...

This week we talk about Uwe Boll's Alone in the Dark. This is our first Boll film on the pod, and now that we know what to expect, it probably won't be our last. Here we go: Creature critters created by crooked archeologist crawl and crush craniums! SyFy CGI! Shattering sheet glass at the showroom by 713! Sledgehammered senior! White Walker from Wuhan knows Wushu! Anubis Glyph Reader 3.5? CROSSFIREEEEEE!!! That f*****g nun! Sleeping security trope! Seven second strangulation! Tara...

This week, we talk about Rudy Ray Moore's Dolemite, a film described as "The Citizen Kane of kung-fu pimpin' movies." Pretty sure we all loved it, but you'll have to listen along to find out. Prison preventing protagonist from pimpin' puss, so parole the playa! "That's mighty black of you, reverend!" The detective downing dominoes on a dude just to be a dick! Destitute dude main-veins meth in a drug den! Dish powder muff diving! Brothel bits! Tumultuous tummy tickles! Bob clinches the...

This week, we talk about 1985's Malibu Express. Or as we like to call it, "T**s: The Movie." Melons and milk monsters and mammaries, oh my! Shane shamelessly shoots shower shenanigans after committing coitus with coerced consent! Blblblbl in the porn water! Penile puns! Finagling the fudge rudders! Eating furniture? Buffington buffoonery! Pulsating Playmates! Shielding from the sun with a shoe visor! Rump radar! Far too many characters to keep track of! Cody’s almost anal adventures! Car...

Season 18 kicks off with a bang... wait that's not well written. And neither is 1987's The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. A Topps Chewing Gum Production. Great to be back in the bad movie trenches, but we weren't prepared for this one. Crude creatures from collectible cards cause confusion! Keeping ugly kids in a garbage pail! Attempted murder/pipe logic combo from hell! Overworking the otherworldly for snizz-snazz! Tangerine teasing a tiny teen! Chasing children for chump-change! Dodger...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh man... Chris doesn't want to admit it, but he loves Grosse Pointe Blank. One of the best rom-coms ever crafted, starring John Cusack, Minnie Driver, Dan Aykroyd (Chris' personal favorite), and ... others. It's a thrill ride. Enemies become friends, and friends become enemies. POPCORN!!! let's do this. Hunky hitman hooks up with honey from high school for hi-jinks and hilarity! Jumpy John’s judo-ing a gentleman in the gym! Aykroyd abusers! Randy Quaid & the...

This week, we get into a little slice of hell called The Glove (1979); a movie so terrible the critics didn't even bother. BUT!... Bob and Rob kind of secretly liked it (don't tell Chris). Prisoner pummels police with pernicious peripheral! Wanton destruction of police lieutenant’s property! Dropping daughter at daycare, driving off before she dips through the door! Not a noteworthy narrative! Foreshadowing from Prospector Pete! Dog the booty hunter? Sniffin’ and lickin’! John Saxon...

Chris, Bob, and Rob finally hop on the bar and talk about Coyote Ugly... a film so bad that the podcast episode is almost as long as the damn movie itself. A brief write-up can't sum up everything that's wrong with this turd, so let's just get into this abomination the only way we know how! Displeasing dancers drop drinks on drunk dudes! Bar owner babe with bad business blueprint! Practically petrifying poppa by popping a u-ey on the parkway! Navy nerds nabbing and dry-humping tap-house...

We (Rob) used to think that Nicolas Cage could do no wrong, but wow... get a load of this stinker! Left Behind. The rapture movie where everybody goes to heaven naked apparently. Cage creates Christian catastrophe! Little person POS PSA! Bitch breaking windows with bibles! The return of Wet Willy Whispers! The supersonic Skipper suffocating scared citizens! Muslim/Midget martial arts! Potato roll blow-softeners! Hammers of cheese! Damsels with dementia left dangling by their deity?...

This week, we talk about Simon Sez... a buddy comedy starring Dennis Rodman and Dane Cook. Can you guess which one tries having sex with a couch? Listen along to find out. A mandarin martial artist and a militia of mimes! Gagging a girl while grabbing her for good! High-speed grabbing and nabbing! Bikini babe B-roll! Wanton destruction of personal property! Hymen Pez? Sniffing on the Cosby Drops! Fist fight of the flesh featuring fornication! Fuzzy tit scope! Endless streams of goons!...

What can we tell you about Xanadu that you don't already know. Nothing... because after watching this movie, and then talking about it for roughly 90 minutes, we're still not sure what happened. Rob had a button that played RUSH songs on his sound board, and he didn't get murdered by Chris and Bob, which is evidenced by him typing this diatribe. Xanadu, here we go: Skating specter seduces Sonny and a senior citizen simultaneously! Cost-cutting cartoon for correct chronological...

Did the gang mess up their calendar synchronization? Because Rob has good reason to believe that Dr. Giggles should have been dissected on good movie week! Hi, Rob breaking the fourth wall here. Chris and Bob hate me, and I've never been happier with myself. Let's get giggled! Jaded junior jams on jive jokes while jabbing and jolting Jennifer! Cardiac crimes including killing kids and co opting their cadavers! Blocking your buddies in an abandoned bedroom! Lingerie larceny (left in...

We're not here to talk about the 2016 Jennifer Anniston romantic comedy that has an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes. We're here to talk about the 1980 Charles Kaufman revenge thriller of the same name that surprisingly has a much higher score despite... lots of issues. You'll just have to tune in to find out exactly what those issues are. In the meantime, here's the rundown! Rapey rubes run around ruining roommate’s restful respite! One woman wields the word taco in the movie! Riga-more-kiss? Locking...

We finally found The Worst Movie Ever Made... holy shit! We'll keep doing the show though, but know that we're never gonna top this. Torgo touches torsos and triceps trying to tease a tryst! Dummy-thicc ricket knees! Obvious and off putting overdubbing! Telling teetering Torgo to take your travel bags!F**k this family but f**k this feeble-minded father especially! Wily window-watching wizard and peeping Torgo the pajama peeker! Torgo touching dormant temple temptresses! Personal piano...