As time continues its cruel, relentless, and inevitable march onwards, thoughts turn to retirement plans; how will our heroes see out their final days? Who has their eye on one big final paycheck? The answer may surprise you. And who doesn’t mind just fizzling out quietly? Elis. It’s also a big day for Producer Dave, as his lost university dissertation finally sees the light of day. The nation has been waiting with baited breath to hear about the past, present, and future of Sheffield...

After such vigorous dancing last time out the boys have done their stretches and downed their recovery shakes in preparation for a classic Elis and John day at the office. In a quite astonishing move, Dave takes a laptop to church, Elis struggles to follow the recipe and there’s a Cymru Connection for which circular content was designed for. Elis also takes in some excellent advice from you the you the listener on how he can chart the waters of wedlock and John makes a quite startling...

We’re all excited about dancing the dance. The most intimate dance. Cheek to cheek entering the ballroom. John woke up at 3:30 this morning on edge about dancing the dance. His favourite conversation. The romantic frisson. The interplay between venue capacity, ticket price and audience demand. The delicious dance. The one thing better than talking about the dance is being actually involved in the dance. What the above probably hasn’t elucidated is, it should be pointed out, is that the dance...

We’ll throw down the gauntlet here. This is *classic* Elis and John. A podium place episode. Champions League. There, I said it. Big laughs, sex swapping, something harrowing from Robins, an absolute Billy belter… of a Cymru Connection, Americans dealing with 5-year-olds’ opinions on gun control and a rock solid Shame. Elsewhere Elis settles into married life by talking about Patreon to a Frenchman, John is desperate to know from Phil Wang how to get a Netflix Special and a Made Up Game to...

A union that we’ve waited 15 years for between a pair significantly involved in the UK’s cultural scene. Some of the most significant personal news to hit this show in a long long time which requires examining on many fronts. No not Elis’s wedding but the Oasis reunion. For Producer Dave might spontaneously combust. He might break down due to not being on the presale and there are distinct concerns for his use of substances in July 2025. Elsewhere Elis has got married. That's also in...

With post-wedding factors still in play, it’s another trip down the pre-recorded well today. But don’t for one second think that means a drop in quality, for with this very podcast episode comes high quality chat about dog/fox mess, a scorching anecdote about Elis having his car cleaned, and a meaty Made Up Game from the vaults to boot. With the Oasis reunion news rocking producer Dave to his very core, there’s also a very fortuitous and timely chat about the merits of Noel Gallagher’s...

You might have been expecting to come across the full lowdown of what is being described by Hello and OK! as the wedding of the summer. But no, for with weddings come honeymoons, so it’s a break glass for emergency episode situation. Thus, if it seems weird that there’s no mention of the happy couple or John’s best man activities then there’s your reasoning. So it’s three crazy guy joined by Annie McGrath to tackle a Chinese conundrum. Plus they dig into some of your questions and chat the...

Well, Fine and Unwell: the three states. Constantly switching across protagonists with one having to pick up the slack. But who will it be this week? An Elis at peak stress levels, a Dave on one hour sleep, or a still zen Robins? There’s a lot of chaos to absorb on the show today as Dave tries his best to wrangle four professional talkers. Never has a bleary eyed father of three had his patience tested so much. The combination of Elis and John x Clara and Jordan from BBC Sounds’ ‘Make Me A...

Twas the night before Elis’s wedding, and though we can’t offer you non-stirring mice, we can guarantee you something even better, and even rarer: Elis at the end of his tether. He has 3 big problems for enlightened John to solve, and the balm of reading stories about the maddest of dads offers some much needed salve. John frets about the legacy of Ivo Graham’s past wedding speech triumphs, and Dave’s in a tizz of his own after returning from a nightmare journey back from his beloved...

The Elis and John realm remains a very zen place to be. So grab your headphones, get into a comfortable position, and let the BBC’s youngest and most chilled out broadcasters relax your busy mind. And what could be more relaxing than a chat about arctic rolls? What could induce a sense of calm more than picturing Elis James in a 14th century jester’s outfit? Can you achieve nirvana by talking about the first Ronseal bride? You’ll have to listen to find out. Send your dispatches, missives,...

John’s been on a silent retreat. Today he breaks his silence with a man, who unlike him, ultimately revels in conversation. One who would discuss the career stats of Leon Britton until the heat death of the universe. It’s a big one on one between two intellectual heavyweights. Think BBC Four or late night TV of the past whereby two great minds would just melt out reflections to biggen your brain by osmosis. Or alternatively it’s just a big old chat about guff management. A changed man and...

Elis and John have been overcome by two forces this week: Olympic fever, and the stark realisation that their bits are old. The former makes for a Made Up Game for the ages, whilst the latter leads to a pensive mood in the studio. Sporting antics and todger worrying aside, John thinks he might have become one of the great parents, Elis reads a world-beating mad dad story, and there's a controversial sitting of the Petty Parliament. We love to receive your correspondence, so keep sending it in...

36 hours. That is the approximate time it takes to travel to from Melton Mowbray to Gibraltar via coach. It is also the approximate time now dedicated to emails on how long coach journeys can be. But Elis and John are endlessly fascinated by your horrible horrible travels. But amidst such mega[bus] chat there’s moments that are actually quite #moving. Because you know we can deal with emotional heft and also acknowledge that John can bring the mood down on a cancer ward. Elsewhere there’s a...

The Great Organiser is Robins. And his latest trick was to organise the ultimate stag for a Welshman in his forties. Design touches, #thoughtfulness and the opportunity to simply talk to people for a few hours amount to a roaring success all round and provides a prime example of why John’s so stressed all the time. It’s because he tries. In other non-stag quarters there’s a meaty old global David and the official referees’ board enters the fray around Elis’s Welsh connecting. In a rare...

Are weddings run on facts? Do they need to be ULEZ compliant? Is it a laugh when people respond to questions about dietary requirements with humorous whimsy? These are the questions that are keeping Elis James up at night as the big day approaches. Aside from the stresses and strains of organising a wedding, there’s a debate about whether reading out someone else’s tweets makes for good content - followed by 15 minutes of said content. We take a school trip to the abattoir, we spend an...

When Elis James meets his idols there’s usually only one outcome: he gets it wrong. But a chance meeting with Britpop royalty this week has given Elis the chance to set this trend right. Will he crumble? Will his symphonic bowels play ball? Will he push his glasses too far up his nose again? All is revealed within. Elsewhere, the previous torch carriers for email have done a volte face and turned on the once glorious medium, the boys decide which of them would be the better friend to various...

John’s world has been rocked from beneath him. Our hero's fears have piled up, and a trip to the medical room - hopefully containing one of London’s timidest doctors - is needed. Join us for a deep dive into the underworld. In lighter news, dads are still up to their mad tricks, a childhood liar descends into the sewers, and John ponders how many children the podcast has sired. Have something you want to share with Elis and John? Send us your emails on [email protected], or send us a...

In today’s show ********************** ************** *************** ************ **************. The previous paragraph was censored by Producer Dave for being too balanced. In uncensored information Elis James' Welsh knowledge is put to the test, unique vocal chops are showcased, and there’s a corker of a Shame. The place to go for all that correspondence of yours is [email protected]

“Surprise surprise”, not the words of the late Cilla Black, but those of Mr Dave Masterman, as the show takes a couple of gastronomic and lyrical turns today, in an effort to a) make a crucial judgement, and b) galvanise one of the four nations of our United Kingdom. From Cilla to one of her bezzie mates, there’s some incredibly innovative advertising involving Paul McCartney. Elis is deep in a world solely consisting of Andy Murray and wedding and John has seen something that will make his...

Remember the Cheeky Girls of noughties Lembit Opik fame? Well today it’s the Cheeky Boys. And former Lib Dem MP Opik is the only reference to politics you’re getting due to Elis’s unsanctioned cheekiness which manifests itself as being *too* balanced. Elsewhere if you had 1,000 guesses as to what TV show John’s been watching this week, you still wouldn’t get it, and Producer Dave files through a formerly unknown Made Up Games repository. Want to contribute to the show? Shames, Games, stuff...

A schism has come between Elis and John that may signal the end of Britain’s youngest broadcasters’ undisputed reign of the podcast-first platform. It all boils down to one question: are emails about the prices of things in the past interesting or boring? It’s time to pick a side. Once a side in this polarising debate has been picked, you are free to enjoy a conversation about French onion soup, a chat about Rob Auton’s lovely new fleece, and a listener calling into question Elis’s claim...

On the horizon approaching the dusty Elis and John town in the podcast wild west is an indiscernible speck. Over time it goes from a dot, to a blob, to a horse, to a horse with man. And the man is not just a man but a messenger. And that steed is here to drop off huge news. As we bask and delve into such massive-massive-it-is news, there’s also bard brilliance, a bleeding corker of a Made Up Game daubed all over the walls and we get a first hand account of encountering one of the greatest...

What do you get when you cross a mad dad with a donkey? It’s the question we’ve all been asking, and on today’s podcast we finally get the answer: one of the great mad dad stories of all time, a stone-cold hall of famer. Walking over broken glass at Wembley Stadium for Adrian Chiles (and Dion Dublin) is also covered, as is heating up a fajita on a shin, and Chloe Petts is on hand to dole out some questionable advice. Have you got a mad dad? Did you have a night out on £5 in 1993? Has a boxer...

Move over Geraint Thomas, there are some new Welsh thighs on the cycling scene. Elis’s heroic cycle ride to Brighton is picked over and analysed, as is his newfound insatiable appetite, and his muscle-related chat that bores a fellow 5 Live presenter. In a surprising turn of events we also get one step closer to identifying the graffiti artist Banksy, we hear from a listener who has the ‘ultimate head’, and the Petty Parliament moves ever closer to the autocracy we all feared it could...