Yes we have a secure relationship and marriage now. But we certainly had to overcome our initial anxious and avoidant tendencies early on. Even now, those tendencies can still show up; we have just done the work to handle situations, emotions, and conflicts in healthy and secure ways to stay on the same team.  In this episode you will hear us tell our relationship story as the background for how you can overcome any of your own insecure attachment patterns. You will hear the quick reminder...

Imagine a scenario where you and your partner are having a conversation. In the middle you begin to feel as if what you are saying is clear, but your partner doesn’t seem to be getting it. You start to get frustrated, your tone or volume changes, so then they get annoyed or irritated and the conversation begins to escalate.  This episode is all about how the meaning of conversations can easily get misunderstood and misinterpreted. The longer you are in a relationship the higher chance there...

Whenever you meet an obstacle it is common to ask “why” it happened or even “why” you started down this particular path. You might even ask yourself why you got married or why you should continue when it feels particularly challenging with your partner. There are different ideas (and even studies) that give reasons for why people get married. The top ones are for love and companionship while the next on the list are to have kids, followed by financial and legal reasons.  In this episode you...

Is feeling emotion within yourself something you welcome or try to avoid? What about when emotion is expressed by your partner, do you experience that as a sign of something bad starting up or as an invitation to listen? Emotion is at the root of relationships, it is what makes it satisfying and fulfilling as well as the starting point of conflicts.  So what is the role of emotion and does it have a real place in a relationship? In this episode you will hear the answer to this question as...

In marriage, unresolved hurts can pile up over time, creating distance and eroding trust. That’s why forgiveness is one of the most crucial (yet challenging) elements to maintaining a healthy, connected relationship. But what does true forgiveness actually look like? And what blocks it from happening? In this episode, we dive into the depths of forgiveness: what it is and what it isn’t, why it’s essential for moving forward, and how it affects your closeness as a couple. We’ll also explore...

Does it ever feel like you and your partner have different goals or even that your needs are conflicting with one another? This can be obvious when one partner is saying they need more quality time and the other is saying they need more time for themselves. But there is another conflicting goal that men and women have that is hard to detect.  In this episode you will hear what this conflicting goal is, that you would likely never guess. From all the sessions we do, as well as having hosted...

One of the most common questions we get is “how do we create more emotional connection” with each other. The most popular question is about repair, but this is in second place! This is a great question because there isn’t a single answer because it often depends on the season a couple is in and what the most meaningful needs are for each partner in that given season. Nevertheless, the constant creation of emotional connection is one of the single most important elements for having high...

It’s important for all of us to admit that we have defensive mechanisms and that we do get defensive with our partners at times. Let’s allow ourselves some grace here. Many of you would probably relate to getting even more defensive about getting defensive! It is common to go on the offensive through deflection or blame, which can leave another feeling that their experience is being invalidated. However that does not mean that someone is being gaslighted. Gaslighting is a much more serious...

Today we explore the turning points where marriages either survive or fall apart, when they hit that "make it for break it" decision point. We've seen five couples end their relationships recently, one even filing papers yesterday, yet none of them reached out for support from us. Given marriage is what we do, it came as a shock to us when we heard the news.  We know many people have this expereince when they hear about friends ending their relationships. So we want to give you the reasons...

How would you rate the amount of stress in your life right now? We all know that some stress is good stress and that it’s a part of life. Its commonly known that stress plays a major role in physical, mental, and emotional well-being of all of us individually. It’s less known (or at least discussed) how much stress decreases marriage satisfaction and quality!  In today’s episode you will learn everything you ever wanted to know about the effects of stress on your marriage. After listening to...

When there is tension or an upset in your marriage, it’s easy to point the finger at your partner as the source of the discomfort. But this often leads to further conflict. It also does not address this critical aspect of being in a marriage for a long time… that growth is a part of it! The common question for those that see these events as places to grow is “well, is this a me thing, a you thing, or a we thing”!  Today’s episode is more motivational (and aspirational) about growth in your...

Last week’s episode focused on husbands was a huge hit, so this week we’re focusing on what inner-challenge wives are struggling with and how it’s affecting marriages.  In this episode, we dive into the pressure many wives feel to constantly do more, grow more, and be more—often at the expense of their own well-being. This relentless pursuit can lead to burnout, resentment, and a disconnect in marriages. We’ll explore why it’s crucial to recognize these patterns, how they impact your...

Men are facing an inner-challenge that is also affecting the marriage. For men to feel a sense of meaning, empowerment, responsibility, value, and achievement they have to show up in the eternal world a certain way. Whether this be in business, profession, managing finances or contracts for the family, relationships with family/friends; men are supposed to show up as warriors, lions, unstoppable, and unshakeable in their pursuits…   But at home that same mentality causes issues and...

Are you able to have a disagreement with your partner without fighting against each other? To be honest many couples view having a disagreement as a fight, because anytime they disagree and there is a little bit of emotion, it always turns into a fight. We are here to tell you that you can disagree while staying on the same team and moving down the decision making path together to find the best route for both of you and your future.  In this episode you will hear 6 different tools/skills to...

This is the second half of that age old question “what do men want” in a marriage? If having a successful marriage is directly related to meeting each other’s needs then it’s quite important to know what those needs are. This episode is the followup from last week about women's needs right now.  With the amount of coaching sessions we do, we have a great insight into the common needs that are going unmet for couples. There are themes that seem to show up in general, so even the specific...

It’s the age old question “what do women want” in a marriage? If having a successful marriage is directly related to meeting each other’s needs then it’s quite important to know what those needs are. This episode will be a two part series that will follow up with exploring the needs that men have as well (so don’t feel left out guys)! With the amount of coaching sessions we do, we have a great insight into the common needs that are going unmet for couples. There are themes that seem to show...

The success of your life and marriage isn’t as much about the things that happen to you, but how well you can course-correct. This goes for bigger life decisions about where to live, send your kids to school, and where to spend money. As well as the amount of time to pass before initiating repair after a conflict, the attitude you wake up with, and even the thoughts you let your mind focus on.  So then what does “course-correcting” actually look like in regard to these decisions? That is...

Whether you’ve been in a funk as a couple, or things have just felt pretty routine with your “adulting” responsibilities, this episode will help you SPARK more fun together! The truth is, life is short. And we don’t believe we’re meant to just let the weeks pass by and survive our busy schedule. Of course there are challenging days (and you hear us talk about that), but let’s enter into a season of more fulfillment, connection, and play together. You will hear 5 very tangible and actionable...

Talk about things before they become a bigger issue. On our vacation with family, I brought up the topic of intimacy (physical specifically) and it sparked a great conversation between us. Now for many this could be a conversation that isn’t brought up and turns into a bigger issue later. This is when it can turn into a “weed” that impacts your marriage. Or it could be a conversation that causes defensiveness and conflict. Neither of these are positive options.  You see, we want to talk...

You’ve likely heard of the now popular Attachment Theory about having a secure, safe, trusting, and connected relationship. If you have, likely what you’ve seen is quite conceptual and you are not sure how to use the information. If you have not heard of this theory it simply describes how you connect and bond with a partner and how that was influenced by your parents (or primary caregiver) as well as other romantic relationships you have been in (primary attachment figures). For us...

Many communications between couples can cause misunderstandings. This leads to more expectations and further frustrations and upsets. Then these upsets can turn into conflicts. Though it seems simple to just “listen better”, listening is not the same as hearing.  Listening is the requirement for understanding, but even then, it does not guarantee complete and accurate understanding of what was actually meant by your partner.  Though much of this has to do with the listener's role, there is...

“I’m sorry” - 2 little words that can not only be challenging for some partners to say, but also can mean MANY different things.  So in today’s episode we cover: Several specific reasons apologizing can be harder for some (self-awareness) Why couples can battle over whether the ‘I’m sorry’ is deemed “necessary” The different meanings of “I’m sorry” and how to expand your language for more things to say in these moments How to get better at apologizing, big or small We...

“How do I get my partner to _____?” This is one of the most common questions we get. Obviously this is referring to wanting a partner to change a behavior in a certain area of the relationship. Underneath that question is the real question of “what is going to motivate my partner?”  If you have ever had this experience of wanting your partner to change something, but they didn’t, you likely felt discouraged or even burnt out. This was likely because you have been asking for things to change...