The last 2 years could have torn us apart and made us turn against each other. It felt like life was throwing everything at us at once, all while we had a newborn baby. In this episode, you’ll hear: Our personal journey of what trials we faced over the last 2 years How exactly we triumphed after these challenges and got stronger than EVER What social psychology says about overcoming stressors and adversity 4 areas of wisdom to guide you through anything you face as a couple As...

Who's to blame for your frustrating problems and patterns in your relationship? It's obviously your partner, right... they're the problem. No… blaming them doesn't get you anywhere, in fact it makes things worse and more difficult to get out of.  If there's one thing that is inarguable in social psychology it's that relationships are bi-directional.Meaning, your attitude, actions, and choices affect your partner's attitude, actions, and choices, and vice versa. Unfortunately many couples...

There are disagreements in your relationship, and then there are Power Struggles! These power struggles are more detrimental and have deeper rooted contributing factors. They keep you from being the best team possible and being able to come up with mutually beneficial solutions for your family. In today’s episode we dive into: How to define a power struggle The goal of interdependence, rather than co-dependence or independence  Contributing factors to being in a power struggle ...

Your family is a source of support, love, and acceptance. Now there are certainly times that our perception of actions from family members make us forget those underlying intentions. Of course this can be even more true when you are interacting (or dealing with) your partner’s family members (your in-laws)!  There is always the grand idea that two sides of a family can come together and just magnify the sense of community, family, and support, but that doesn’t always happen. It can be common...

The basis of a strong marriage is how well you handle 3 “stages” of interactions. These 3 stages are before, during and after conflicts. The before stage is all about communication and being able to prevent conflicts from even happening. The during conflict stage is about de-escalating tensions and potential conflicts. The after stage is about how you repair when conflicts to happen (because they will) In this episode you will hear the tools you will need to master each of the 3 stages and...

Emotional Intelligence (or lack thereof) can truthfully be a make it or break it factor for a marriage. It’s a big part of what helps you be connected, navigate hardship and disagreements, and embrace your differences. It’s also what can cause feelings of “walking on egg-shells” or be what escalates simple miscommunications into big conflicts. Yet nowadays this term can be used too conceptually, and you know we are all about making things useful and practical!  In this episode you’ll hear: ...

You can’t build a strong marriage on a weak foundation. But do you know what the ingredients for a rock-solid foundation are? Well don’t worry, we’re covering that today and we’re certain this will open up some great conversations for you two. In this episode you’ll hear:  The 5 foundations to a strong marriage Specific examples so that you can have these conversations with your partner How these can help guide you when you disagree and/or encounter hard moments   Also, make...

You don’t often “think about your own psychology”, life is just happening and you are responding. So when it comes to interactions with your partner, it's easy to defend yourself when your perspective is brought into question. The cycle continues when you go back and forth about who remembers events more accurately. Your perception and memory are all a part of your psychology. These are actually very complex cognitive functions that can  easily make errors and include bias you are not even...

From the thousands of coaching sessions, DMs, and emails that we receive, we tend to see themes come up in marriage. You would be surprised to learn how common certain topics are for couples, that all seem to come up in the same weeks and months. We are not here to hypothesize about why that is, but just make these themes known. This is the highly anticipated followup episode from last week’s on mistakes men are making. Lately we have been noticing themes around Women and mistakes they are...

From the thousands of coaching sessions, DMs, and emails that we receive, we tend to see themes come up in marriage. You would be surprised to learn how common certain topics are for couples, that all seem to come up in the same weeks and months. We are not here to hypothesize about why that is, but just make these themes known. Lately we have been noticing themes around men and mistakes they are making in marriage. These are not character flaws but just patterns of behavior that we see...

The scenario is that your partner makes a comment, you sense they are a little irritated. They may very well have a frustration but have expressed it with a mild (level 2) upset. Yet you are not in a conflict or argument. But as you talk back and forth, you start giving explanations and justifications and an early onset of defensiveness starts to create a divide. This is a critical moment where you could even say to each other “this doesn’t have to become a thing …” Often these moments are...

What is the bare minimum to expect in a marriage? You likely read that question and think about your expectations about your partner… However this is actually about what to expect from yourself!  There are a lot of social media comments on relationship posts that judge the portrayal of a partner. That shows that most people think about what changes a partner needs to make in order to better meet one’s own needs. But that is quite backward. In this episode you will hear 6 traits that are the...

You have heard about the "7 Year Itch" in a marriage. Though that was the name of a Marilyn Monroe movie in 1955, studies have shown that a couples satisfaction in marriage hits a low around 10 years into a marriage. Whether you’ve been together 2 years, 10 years, or 30+ years, you’ll get a lot out of this episode by understanding what couples lose sight of and causes an increase of dissatisfaction.  We dive into: What the studies say about the “peak of dissatisfaction” being around year...

Are attachment styles fixed? This is the essence of all the questions and messages we received after last week’s episode on attachment style, behaviors, and needs. This required a Part 2 episode this week where you will hear how to overcome your avoidant or anxious style pasts and tendencies.  Not only is attachment style not fixed, it’s a range, and can be very situational. You may have created a secure relationship experience for both of you, but circumstances and your environment can have...

Attachment is a key term and principle for relationships and refers to the way in which you bond and connect with your partner. The theory of Attachment Style has become much more popular in recent years from its conception by John Bowlby in 1969. Though many are familiar with the Secure and Insecure categorizations and the insecure types of avoidant, anxious, and fearful; people are not so familiar with the attachment needs and behaviors that are as critical.  All of this as a theory can...

What is Love in a very practical sense? We hear people say “we fell in love” or “we fell out of love”... so what is causing this experience of love? Or why do couples start to feel more like roommates? As the years pass, it can be easier to fall into what is called “empty love” or “friendship love” and miss the 3rd element of love that we all crave. So dive into today’s episode where you’ll hear: The 3 components of love Variations of relationships that have one or 2 components but...

The one thing that the beginning of a year allows you to do is draw a clear line in the sand. It’s a psychological distinction to review your last 12 months and see how well you executed on your game plan. Some do this for work, for individual achievements, as sports teams, and it is very powerful to do for your marriage.  In this episode you will hear how to go through a Yearly Check-in to start off your new year. This will allow you to reestablish your core values, set your vision and...

Parenting definitely shifts priorities, but that shouldn’t mean we de-prioritize our marriage, right? This week was our daughter’s 2nd birthday and we were reflecting on our own parenting journey up until this point. We know from many couples that parenting really does shift many things in a marriage, even studies have shown that satisfaction goes down in the first 5 years of becoming parents. Though there are so many great positives that also come with being a parent, in this episode you...

If you have listened to the podcast at all you probably have thought “Yes, I get the importance of validating my partner but HOW exactly do I do that?” Even if this is your first time listening you likely have the same question about how to have your partner feel validated in their experience especially when you do not agree with their feelings or details of an event!  Validating a partner is a difficult thing to do because you will not always see (or experience) events the same way. You...

All Work & No Play Makes For A Dull Marriage. If you’re like most of the couples we talk to, you’ve been working at overcoming patterns and challenges that have kept you stuck and in frustrating cycles. Many couples even say, “I’m so exhausted” or “When do we get back to more fun times?” If you have ever seen the movie Moneyball, it’s just clicking in a few key aspects so that you can get on a winning streak! In this episode you will hear a brief answer for why you might feel like you’re...

We were not going to leave the men out from last week’s episode about what women need in a marriage. This episode is about what men need that is often overshadowed and not expressed. Just so you know, the answer is not going to be sex… we have our own issue with accounts that tote sex as men’s only need in a marriage (but you will hear that in the episode)! In this episode you will hear about the need of Harmony and how that is a key need for men, even if they would not have said it that...

In this insightful podcast episode, dive into the heart of successful marriages and discover a nuanced perspective on meeting the emotional needs of women, a crucial but often overlooked aspect. Women generally prioritize people and nurturing, while men care more about things and problem-solving. This difference poses a challenge to men in grasping the seemingly ever-changing emotional needs of their partners and introduces a vital skill: Emotional Attunement.  You will hear a vivid contrast...

If you plan to be married for a long time, you need to work through hard seasons, course-correct, and commit to make changes. These are the times that you need to take steps to rebuild the marriage and start a chapter. This is PART 2 of the “Steps to Rebuild a Marriage” episode #312 as we got so many messages about this topic.  In this episode we will briefly remind you of the steps to rebuild, which we have shortened from 8 to 6. Then we will dive further into 4 ways that you can easily get...

Meeting each other’s needs is the basis for a great relationship. This can get complex especially when it comes to the need of intimacy in a marriage, a fundamental need that often takes different forms for men and women. While some men seek physical intimacy to feel connected, their female partners emphasize the need for emotional intimacy.  In this episode you will hear the significance of first establishing emotional safety (in its various forms) before either type of intimacy can be...