Good morning America - look what you did! You sent Donald Trump back to the White House for another go at the controls, this time with eyes wide open and a new FBI guy. The citizens of America had a mostly peaceful protest and are now ready to swipe-left. So Joey, Kamala and the rest of Gang Green start packing your stuff! You’ll be exiting through the gift shop today and now paying retail like everybody else. Enjoy! As for young Hunter (“more coffee Warden?”) he’ll be on his way to...

When anyone says to you, “Let’s be Clear,” you’re hard-earned toxic masculinity tells you something different - that is, whatever is coming next is just bull crap. It’s like showing up to the Halloween dance with a bone saw – it just sends the wrong message. But this time around, Joe and Josephine lunch box are on to the “Let’s Be Clear” crowd for the same reason nobody’s going to pardon Hunter this trip. And just like Hunter, “Let’s be Clear” has just stopped working altogether. A cow...

The lady in the pantsuit really doesn’t dig these TV interviews. She has to be dragged and dropped into the chair just to get her to the studio. But to be fair, unless they give you the questions in advance, how are you supposed to know what answers you need to make up? Orange man doesn’t have that problem. With diarrhea of the mouth, he’ll tell you what he’s thinking all the time, so there’s never any confusion. But comfortably numb and packed in her own juice, VP giggles knows what’s...

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, will TicTok blow up my pager if I vote orange?” Well maybe, but think about it this way. The fluffy stuff in between the feathers is called the down. That’s what you want to be right there. Be the down, not the feathers. Because in the New America you don’t want to try too hard. Soft and shapeless is best for your reputation. Be open to anything – but don’t commit. Be the greeniest weenie in the office, and do anything for free shipping – anything! ...

With the denutification of America, men have become subprime in today’s marketplace of ideas. Men are simple organisms always having to work around Madonna, or somebody, trying to rescue them from thinking wrong and growing all that fur. But nobody asks what men want? There’s a lot of confusion about that. “Men should be more like mozzarella cheese,” said Kamala, “soft, light and not attempt too much.” The correct people worry that watching cat videos and shopping for edible electric...

Everybody knows a taco salad is just pretend. Sure it might say salad on the sign, but you know what’s really going on. Taco salad is as phony as it gets. But what if a taco salad ran for President? “Hi, I’m Kamala, maybe you’ve heard about me on TV!” Every carefully constructed mouthful of these answers is perfectly sized for the little guy and well chewed before publishing. But Joe and Josephine Lunchbox are way smarter than they think. So, when someone you don’t know and haven’t...

Luxury, prosperity and endless boogie – that’s what Orange Man has for you this election season. Man of Orange says, “Elect me and you’ll have a job. But not to be outdone, Kamala says, “Hold on there – why work? Hell I’ll spot you a house if you are one of our 12 million new alien arrivals from down south.” How does Orange compete with a free house? The secret is in Kamala’s new simplified tax form for anybody left working. Just 2 lines to fill out: Line 1, how much did you make? ...

Kamala was surprised to learn from the staff that she used to work at McDonalds. “Just go with it,” said one operative. “The great unwashed will love you more if you just giggle and say, “I’m the one that made the fried pies! This is how we fool the wife of the people. But why stop with the McDonald’s gag? Tell ‘em about when you were a tight end for the Rams, or that intern thing at Beer Camp, or your summer with the Cajan Navy. Any of it’s better than talking about trying to pay the...

Kamala's new economic plan doesn't do a thing about paying $10 bucks for a cold Isis at the 7-11. As the Queen of Woke reads her prepared list of bumper sticker lines to the paid crowd, you have to wonder, what it is really about Happy Talk that makes it fell like the shiny razorblade in your election day apple - the false positive there to fill in the holes in the argument. Otis and the salty scholars of the Discount Think Tank assess the damage. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Donkey Party people will tell you: After a hard day of riding and roping, you and your therapy squirrel are going to want some joy up in here! And even though Beyonce didn’t show up, they've still have more Hopey/Changy joy for you than anybody else down the dial! So come get it. If your spirit animal is an oyster, Donkey operatives are ready to pop the trunk in the mall parking lot and lay out all the joy you want. Bring 10 mail in ballots with you and you’ll get some bonus joy. But...

Paying is for losers! Order anything you like from the Komrade Menu at Kamala's Corner and the check goes to the next guy in line, and from there to the guy behind him, and so on. It’s a sweet deal. If you've got the itch for a plate of Left Wings, just hand the check to the next guy and we'll keep this Komrade Chicken train rolling. Low-hanging apples are better than the ones you have to climb for. Think of it like the gooey cheese in the donkey mousetrap. Come on in, have some more...

Now that break dancing and skateboarding are Olympic sports, you have to wonder, what’s next? There are reports that the next Olympic games will be even more inclusive with more woke favorites like Olympic Graffiti competition and saying LIKE the most times in a sentence. “It’s how we live today,” said one Olympic official just back from getting her roots done. So then, why didn’t we get Roller Derby at the Olympics? Skipped right over that. If you remember Cannibal and the Headhunters,...

The retiring President’s co-morbidity, Kamala, has sent out her new Donkey code word of the day to all media sheep. Directions on the side of the box say, "You are all directed to work in the word “weird” along with your regular complaints about the Orange Man." It seems that Oppo the Research Loving Clown turned in an expensive report about how going with code word WEIRD would be a good way to not have to explain any of the other stuff, like the economy, crime and the open border. Just...

China is not too happy with the Biden crime family right now. Joey doesn’t carry the same punch as he had back when the Make China Great Again plan kicked off and Joey's cash started flowing. "This was not the deal when we first hired you Joey," said China." You’re not holding up your end of the bargain anymore. What are we getting for our money from Biden Inc.?" Next Wet Market outbreak is already on the calendar, and Joey won't be around to clean up the mess. How will they sell all...

All you really need is one good ear to do most of the important stuff. You can have your other ear shot off in public and still get the big jobs done - like getting bad guys or closing the border or drilling for oil - you can do it all with just one good ear. It’s OK - nobody’s paying attention to the one that’s not there. Looked like a jumbo shrimp anyway! Remember to use your Uncle Otis secret decoder ring to get all the hidden messages in this stupid bit. Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

Hunter likes to play parcheesi with he papa. It relaxes them both before a big speech where everything’s on the line. Joe looks at the Parcheesi board getting ready for his next move. “Humm, this is harder than it looks,” thought Joey. “Maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead and get ready for my sponge bath.” Back when Joey’s “Hate America First Train” had just left Bankruptcy Station things were a lot more fun for the crime family. Hunter’s laptop was still just a cheap fake, the...

Kamala is a lot like a Named Storm. When the outer bands of VP Giggles make landfall, everything gets tossed around and jumbled up beyond recognition. When Kamala blows in you know things are about to go sideways and your power is going out. You’re about to get flooded in word salad surgery, which usually makes the sewer back up! What a mess. All storms have a dirty side where most of the nasty business happens, but it’s hard to tell with Super Storm Giggles since every snoot full brings...

Maybe it's time to bring back Pom Poms on gym socks. Those little fuzzy balls on the back of a girl’s socks told you she was fun, and probably drove a Charger. What else do you need to know? So where are the pom poms now? Well they’re hard to find. Gone the way of the buffalo. That’s just not right! With over 100 different genders now to pick from in the New America, Pom Poms on socks can be be for everybody – guys too. That's double the market! Even the Army will buy them to show...

When Hunter was little his mama used to take him to the store for the Husky-size jeans, since everything young Hunter could get his hands on went in his mouth. “You’re overwhelming your outfit again – we’ll have to go up another size,” said mama. Little Hunter was in Husky Jeans all the way through high school until one day he discovered the weight loss benefits of speed. That's when he traded in those Huskey jeans for a new bag man uniform and started to market he papa to the highest...

No more Boy Scouts for you. The campfire and whittling business is over. Time now to climb into a nice chiffon outfit and drive your edible electric car to the mall for some more Botox. But Boy Scouts was fun while it lasted. Passing around that can of shoestring potatoes with Worchester sauce was how boys learned to wipe their hands on their pants. What are we supposed to do now? With over a hundred different genders to pick from, what’s the point anymore! It's another way to get...

You’re a lot easier to control when you’re numb and dumb. So enjoy some more morphine drip before sending 'Lil Whiskers out in the back yard to pick off another tank-full of watts from that electricity tree. Yes, now you're powered by rainbows! It's like when you're dead, you don't know you're dead. Same thing happens when you're stupid. So bring your arrest warrant to early voting and the little man will fill all that in for you. Wait, is that the desert cart? More Universal...

The roving bands of marauding youth now rioting outside the window have a long list of DEMANDS for you - a shopping list of what they need delivered up to Angry Village. Remember, these are special children who don’t eat olive loaf or burnt weenie sandwich. Hell no! You need to think vegeterrible and gluten free, you pig. So get a move on, rioting is hard work. Why do you think Mexico now has a “Remain in America” program – probably until they can stand to look at us again. The...

Who would have thought that winding up in a pot of boiling water somewhere in New Guinea would turn into a campaign line eighty years later? VOTE FOR JOE - CANNIBALS ATE HIS UNCLE! It’s damn creative, I’ll give ‘em that. Just falls right off the bone. You’ve even got a little primitive culture going on there to help satisfy the lunatic fringe at Columbia. It’s a race to the bottom by the candlelight of burning tires. Mono-Clonal just means 1 clown! And this one’s about to roll back in...

Here at the Discount Think Tank we’re always on hot standby for the next big thing. And in America that would be losing weight. It's all they can talk about at the Waffle House. No exercise, just take the shot and get skinny. It’s a sweet deal. But have you heard about the move to Diet Shampoo! Regular shampoo just adds calories, so if you switch to diet shampoo you could have more cheesecake! It's so easy. Stop overwhelming your outfit and buy up all the shares you can get for diet...