Talking points: parenting, attachment, mindset, psychology, neurology The internet behaved badly in this episode, but Eli is so knowledgeable and thorough I had to put this up! The Attachment Nerd herself brought a TON of info and practical tips for parents this week. Strongly encourage you to listen to this with other parents. I certainly learned a lot. Her new book comes out Sept. 3rd; go pick it up! (00:00:00) - What is reflective functioning, and when does that start...

Talking points: suicide, culture, masculinity This isn’t an easy episode, but it’s important. If you’re someone who works with men, whatever kind of work that is, please share. (00:00:00) - A part of my story I rarely share (00:04:30) - What I’ve learned (00:07:35) - What’s contributing to this? (00:10:36) - If you’re somehow involved with men, here’s what to do. If you’re in this situation, here’s what I’ll tell you *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness,...

Talking points: attachment, avoidance, divorce My anonymous guest this week has been solving the puzzle of his anxious attachment style for a while now. He’s made great progress, but there’s more to be done. On top of this, while it’s impacted all of his romantic relationships with intense conflict, distance, and damage, his wife is an avoidant. It’s a complicated situation, but there IS a way forward. (00:00:00) - What brought our guest in today (00:05:58) - Why my guest is holding onto...

Talking points: attachment, avoidance, mindset, psychology If you, your partner, or someone you’re friends with has an avoidant attachment style, this one’s specifically for you!  These are the steps I took and the ones I recommend to clients who are just starting out and want to get their avoidance under control. They’re simple, but not easy. Listen in. (00:00:00) - The two things changing from avoidant to secure depends on, and why (00:05:58) - Build self-awareness around these two...

Talking points: collapse, culture, masculinity, psychology, Jung There are very few people out there I consider genuine, authentic elders. Francis Weller is one of them. With a perfect marriage of gentle compassion and firm sincerity, Francis is the man you want to share a campfire with when times are tough. He lays out what we’re facing collectively from the perspective of someone deeply in tune with the natural world, and how we need to respond. (00:00:00) - Why we’re in “the long dark”,...

Talking points: aging, mindset, personal growth I bottomed out in my 20s and nearly lost everything. When I finally emerged from the rubble, I had NO idea where to even begin. The following are things I learned the hard way, so if you’re in a similar spot, strongly encourage you to listen in. Here’s how you rebuild. (00:00:00) - Intro and number 1: make competency your aim (00:03:33) - Number 2: get in shape (00:05:24) - Number 3: learn how to save and invest, and get yourself out of...

Talking points: relationships, sex, social media, non-monogamy If you’ve followed me for any length of time, you know I think the current dating scene is, in a word, messy. So I’m grateful to have sat with Todd Baratz on why that’s the case. I love Todd’s practical, honest yet understanding perspective on the issues, because it allows for all the complexity and nuance relationships can bring. To sum it up: communicate, communicate, communicate. (00:00:00) - Todd on why modern relationships...

Talking points: accountability, relationships Before anything else, not all women struggle with this. But some who do (and the men who love them) have asked me to speak on this. You’ve probably seen the memes or heard a story or two, but it’s always better to actually do some thinking. Here are my thoughts on why some women admit to struggling with accountability—and how to hold a partner accountable in a healthy way. (00:00:00) - Intro and reason 1: different tools for social...

Talking points: exercise, stress, science, testosterone, mindset I think this episode takes the cake for highest amount of information. Dr. Layne Norton is. on. fire. Seriously, dig into this if you’re looking for what REALLY works (hint: it’s probably not going to be the fun option). We cover everything on managing stress, testosterone, and the right mindset to bring it all home. (00:00:00) - What got Layne started, and how wildly effective exercise can be (00:07:59) - Layne on managing...

Talking points: grief, fatherhood, anger, masculinity The void left by a father who’s gone can feel impossibly difficult to handle for many men. I’ve had a lot of them in my practice, and the impacts on their life can be pretty severe. If you or someone you know grew up without a father, strongly encourage you to listen to this one. These are the lessons you might have missed. (00:00:00) - Intro and the first thing: grieve the absence.  (00:05:33) - Understand the true role of a father, and...

Talking points: attachment, relationships, intimacy You’ve heard about attachment. Maybe you’ve discovered you or your partner (or both!) have a specific kind. Ok, cool. But what do you DO with that info? How do you move forward? That’s exactly what Sarah Baldwin and I sat down to discuss. From the deep origins of our survival strategies, to their impact on intimacy, and how to work WITH it all and get some self-security going. Listen in. (00:00:00) - What is a disconfirming...

Talking points: mindset, death, change Alright, you’re past 30. Assuming you’re past the usual advice you get from all the corners of the internet, what’s next?  Because all the “you need to make more money, you need to get to the gym, you need to wake up earlier” stuff is fine—don’t get me wrong—but it's also entry-level work. Listen in for the harder stuff. (00:00:00) - Intro and the first thing: regret (00:03:10) - Don’t make your future self suffer because of who you’re being...

Talking points: grief, loss, relationships, masculinity, anger I met David at a psychotherapy symposium a while back, and it wasn’t long before we were sharing some of the things we’ve grieved. He just has that calm yet strong presence. He’s also, of course, an absolute expert therapist. We dig into everything loss in this episode; how the 5 stages actually work, what death does both for and to us, and much, much more. This is absolutely an episode to share with someone you feel could use...

Talking points: self-worth, mindset This is a wildly simple fact, but so easy to miss. Self-esteem is built along the way, not something you find at the end of the work. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro and real reason your self-esteem takes a hit (00:03:14) - The secret hope (00:07:16) - It’s that simple, and that hard *** Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free...

Talking points: stuckness, energy, trauma Back in May, this anonymous guest came to me trying to solve what’s blocking him from making important decisions and taking action. We uncovered a traumatic event that started this, but that’s just the start of the process. Here are the next steps in understanding and healing this man’s trauma and helping him move forward. Strongly encourage you to check out part 1 here: https://link.chtbl.com/VaiRj0Oy (00:00:00) - Intro and catchup: the feeling of...

Talking points: routines, mindset I’m serious when I say this changed my life—and that’s coming from someone that hated mornings in general. It took a long time to turn into a habit, but it was absolutely worth it. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro and first step: actually get out of bed. Early. Here’s how to make it easier (00:05:57) - Drink a LOT of water right when you get up, and get the double S: stretch and sunlight (00:08:38) - Breathwork, and then 1 of 2 different workouts (00:11:20) -...

Talking points: PTSD, trauma, intimacy, relationships It's hard sometimes to know where to begin when it comes to traumatic experiences. Even harder when they're PTSD-level, or secretly impact your relationships/intimacy/work life. Which is exactly why I'm grateful folks like Dr. Frank, who live at the intersection of cutting-edge research, lived experience, and calm strength. We dive right into WHY these things happen and how they're stored in the body and mind, offering practical advice...

Talking points: monogamy, relationships, culture Well, can they? This started with me wondering why certain men who are notorious for sleeping around are suddenly hopping on the monogamy train, and ended with me hitting the record button and getting curious. And honestly, this is way more complicated than a binary "men must/can or must not/can't be faithful partners". Listen in and let me know your thoughts. (00:00:00) - Intro and why I’m diving into this (00:05:41) - Where does the idea...

Talking points: sex, technique, communication, relationships From the foundational ideas to simple practices you can start literally right now, this episode has it all. Deeply appreciate the wildly intelligent insight and practical advice here, courtesy of intimacy and relationship coach Caitlin V Neal. She says the V stands for Victorious; listen to this and I'm pretty sure you'll be feeling victorious yourself. (00:00:00) - Intro, foundational pieces to a great sex life, and how to start...

Talking points: mental health, mindset, diet, Whether you're just starting out with "the work" or you've snapped up a thousand books and podcasts, it pays to go back to the high-level now again again. This is a bird's-eye view of my framework on mental health, plus straightforward tactics that have been proven time and again by science, history, and my own personal experience. Dig in. (00:00:00) - Intro, and defining “mental health” (00:05:03) - My basic framework for what produces...

Talking points: neurology, biology, trauma, mindset This was one of the most informative episodes I've ever recorded. As expected of Mastin Kipp, an old friend and incredible coach. We covered everything nervous system—and how there may be what you might call a "unified theory of trauma". Wildly grateful for this one! Note: we had some audio trouble for the first bit, but it cleans up after minute 12! (00:00:00) - Intro, and the fragmentation problem in therapy and coaching (00:08:47) -...

Talking points: fatherhood, mindset, perfectionism To many of you, I'm still pretty new to the dad game, but it's honestly boggled my mind how much being one has changed my life and perspective on things. These are just a few of the things I've learned—or you could say my son has taught me. 00:00:00) - Intro, and number one: masculinity is modeled (00:07:51) - “I would die for my kids, but I won’t live my life for them” (00:10:21) - Your anger as a man is necessary. Your aggression is...

Talking points: transitioning, parents, resistance Sometimes in life, we feel stuck, and that can happen even after you've done "the work" and developed a deeper understanding of how your past shaped your present. My anon guest this week (like many of us) has trouble feeling feelings. Together, we dig a little into where that comes from and why. (00:00:00) - Intro and what it was like growing up (00:09:23) - “It’s hard for me to feel the hurt” (00:14:21) - What transitioning was like, and...

Talking points: truth, social media, relationships, men, culture Phew! Mark and I covered about a million things this episode, but that's what happens when you've been friends for over a decade. There's an overarching theme though: getting caught up in narratives, and how that actually fractures our ability to stay relational and kind to people. Dig in for this very wide-ranging conversation. Editor's note: while Adderall (dextroamphetamine) has some molecular similarity with...

Talking points: mindset, social media, sex Out of everything I've done, this is one of the simplest and most effective. To be clear, it's not about going abstinence-only or becoming a prude. It's about freeing mental bandwidth and take, taking ownership of my desires, and creating direction in my life. Dig in. (00:00:00) - Intro, and why this isn’t about being a prude (00:02:14) - The DBC: Digital Brain Cleanse. Step one, content (00:06:17) - Step two: contacts (00:08:06) - Last step:...