In this episode, I read the epilogue from the original draft of Starchild as well as multiple scenes from a second (and wildly different!) draft that I wrote in college to illustrate how complete the revision process can be. And I remind you to be proud of yourself—because it’s true! 

In Part Nine, Ruby finds herself at the center of a high-stakes intergalactic conflict. The most pretentious, angsty-boy villain I’ve ever seen in fiction makes an appearance, sacrifices are made, and Ruby and Fiora are forced to say goodbye.  I talk about how Starchild has never been Ruby’s story, some really irritating plot holes, and, despite it all, how much I love Ruby and Fiora’s friendship.

Part Eight is explosive, to say it lightly (catastrophic to say it less lightly). Somehow, at the exact same moment, a mysterious spaceship crashes onto the Lorencip’s property and Ruby’s dad comes home after his (ambiguously long) absence. Seventeen year old me attempts to manage this emotional fall out to a varying degree of success. I discuss how bizarre Ruby’s parents are as characters, how seventeen year old me keeps skirting away from any scenes with emotional resonance, and the...

Part Seven desperately wants to be a climax. And a psychological horror film. The story goes from zero to attempted murder real fast when Fiora loses her mind on the bully girls who haven’t been mentioned since Part One. I discuss Starchild’s unbalanced plot, the basics of a climax, and how and why (despite it all) Ruby and Fiora still resonate with me as characters. 

Part Six rivals Part Five for the world’s longest exposition dump—but this time, it’s Ruby doing the dumping (and yes, that is the worst way I could have ever phrased that). Join me as I rapidly lose my mind reading this saccharine mess out loud. I discuss writing without limits and bring depth to your secondary characters. 

In Part Five, Ruby gets an entire galaxy’s worth of trauma dumped on her in perhaps the most long-winded exposition dump I have ever read. Neither she nor I know what to do with all this information. I talk about the shape of story and the role of your subconscious in writing. 

Part Four might as well be titled “Meet the Lorencips!”—your average, dorky Midwestern family. Except, occasionally they talk in a language Ruby has never heard before. And none of them seem to know what “meatloaf” is. Also, they have a semi-sentient AI hologram in the basement. Fiora holographically takes Ruby to her home planet, and it quickly becomes apparent why the Lorencips came to Earth. I discuss the importance of not italicizing different languages in fiction, characters thinking...

In Part Three, seventeen-year-old me reveals that Fiora is truly an alien in literally the most boring way possible. I discuss not rushing your plot and going whole-hog with your worldbuilding. This episode also features a heaping dose of my seventeen-year-old self’s commentary on The Bachelor because that was exactly what this story needed.

In Part Two, there is a disappointing lack of alien content. Ruby has an incredibly expository conversation with her emotionally distant mother. The next day, Ruby and Fiora take part in the most gladiatorial game of dodgeball I have ever read and end up battered and bloody in the nurse’s office because…bonding, I guess? I discuss sideways emotions, Tennessee William’s The Glass Menagerie, the tenuous art of foreshadowing, and my love for Jordan Peele. 

Welcome back to another season of My Writing Sucks! Join me as I read through Starchild, the first middle grade novel I ever wrote when I was seventeen (and took my writing very seriously). In Part One, we meet Ruby Carter, your average eleven-year-old with the vocabulary of an SAT prep book. Everything changes for Ruby when a new girl joins her class and announces in front of everyone that she is not from Earth. Despite judgment from her peers, Ruby befriends Fiora and quickly discovers that...

The final chapter of Letters presents more questions that answers. I think I’ll just leave it at that.

In Chapter Seven, somehow thirteen year old me manages to cover five whole months of Ellanora and Oliver feuding without mentioning anything relevant--that is until Ellanora discovers the shocking truth about Rydel (and by shocking I mean a half eaten Cheeto could have seen it coming).

In Chapter Six, things finally happen! Ellanora suddenly becomes the queen of pettiness at the not-Halloween dance and then blames all the fallout that ensues on everyone but herself. Harriet returns in this chapter though, which I'm counting as a small win. 

In Chapter Five, I was fully convinced we would get a scene at the not-Halloween dance, but instead, it is a completely non-sensical filler chapter. Interestingly, this detour leads to a conversation about portraying heavy emotions in your fiction and learning to care for yourself mentally as a writer. So, that's nice. 

In Chapter Four, Oliver proves himself to be a real garbage human by leading Ellanora on about the Halloween dance and then asking Rydel instead. Ellanora continues to pine over him though he has been shown to have approximately zero redeeming qualities. While shopping for the dance at a consignment shop, Ellanora is shown some kindness by the punk cashier, Harriet. 

In Chapter Three, Ellanora the insufferable drama queen encourages Oliver to ask out Rydel and then subsequently gets upset when he follows her advice. Thirteen-year-old me manages to cover an entire day in the span of six pages while still presenting absolutely no important information (which is almost impressive). 

In Chapter Two, Ellanora is reeling from instant crush her best friend Oliver develops on the new girl next door, Rydel, because she has (ambiguously) always liked him too. The group spends like three pages talking about going roller skating. Ellanora writes down all of her romantic woes in letters addressed to her dead dad which she hides in the woods for some reason. 

This episode kicks off a new season of My Writing Sucks! This time around, I read a YA romance I wrote when I was thirteen called Letters. Get ready for an abundance of adverbs, every cliche imaginable, and more teen melodrama than should be legal.

In Chapter Twenty-Two, Kree finally breaks her ties with the royal family and defeats Orchid in some kind of an emotional climax. Back in Canopy, Kree and Jamison share * a moment* in the trees, and the story ends on an incredibly cliff hanger that will forever be unresolved. I read an updated version of the ending I wrote in college and get really freaking emotional over how much Kree of Canopy and this podcast means to me.

In Chapter Twenty-One, things go from zero to murder real fast at Lily’s ball. I’m not going to offer any other explanation than that. I talk about how to write an effective and satisfying conclusion to your story (i.e. doing the precise opposite of what fourteen year old me does in this chapter).

In Chapter Twenty (potentially the worst chapter of all), we’re back to the pattern of nothing happening in the palace. Kree’s older sister Lily prepares for a ball and Orchid tries on a dress--that’s it. I talk about losing momentum in your plot as well as how to combine seemingly unrelated plot threads into a cohesive story.

In Chapter Nineteen, Orchid returns to the palace to fanfare and open arms. Kree, stuck inside herself, tries to ruin Orchid’s life by embarrassing her when a handsome suitor comes to dinner. I talk about identifying critical plot moments and how to chose where to turn your focus in the narrative.

In Chapter Eighteen, Kree somehow manages to slay Mountus with a single stab even though an entire army from Canopy couldn’t kill him. However, her trials are not over. Weak from the battle, Kree loses her inner struggle with Orchid and is overtaken. Stuck inside her own body, she she watches as Abreen and Jamison are kidnapped and she is dragged back to the palace. I talk about using emotions in your story like colors in a painting and the importance of letting your characters fail.

In Chapter Seventeen, Kree finally confronts Mountus and, instead of fighting him, receives an wildly unnecessary amount of backstory. I talk about how to build to a climax, the importance of knowing when to start over, and how to give meaningful criticism.