How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age? Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age. In this episode, Janet &...

How can we help our boys grow into healthy men? Ted Bunch, chief development officer of A Call to Men, says he thinks that the key is to support our boys as they become their authentic selves. Ted Bunch "I think the biggest challenge for us is really allowing our boys to show us, say to us and demonstrate to us who they really are," Bunch says, without us excessively trying to mold them. Our job isn't to make boys conform; our job is "to allow them to blossom, to really show who they...

Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies. And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids. Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know)  Peri-menopause & Puberty: The...

Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant. In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024. Takeaways:Nobody has it all figured out.Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial.Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process.Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential.You are...

Boys need support, not disdain In June 2024, Andrew Reiner, author of Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity That Creates Greater Courage and Emotional Resiliency, published an article entitled “Our culture’s trashing of boys & men is having toxic consequences.” In this episode, he and Jen discuss what boys need & we can best support boys. Takeaways:Boys need support, not disdain.Cultural perceptions of masculinity can be harmful.Media often portrays boys negatively.Boys are...

AI — artificial intelligence — is already a big part of our everyday lives. We rely on it to help us get from one place to another. (GPS directions, anyone?) We use it to polish our prose. (Spell check and Grammarly, for instance.) Customer service chatbots and product recommendations based on previous purchases — all of these are built on AI. The public release of ChatGPT, a AI system that using natural language processing, has accelerated the use of AI in modern life. Students routinely use...

Young Black men and boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schools.  That’s why David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, is asking educators to “put a deliberate focus on Black boys” this year – to uplift Black boys, of course, but also because research shows that addressing the needs of our most vulnerable populations helps ALL. “It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. “it’s important for us to reframe that focus so we can...

Stop, drop, grow, and glow? That’s Holly Swenson’s advice to parents. Swenson, a RN-turned-writer and mom of 4 boys (currently ages 10, 13, 15, & 15) was approximately seven years into parenting when she realized that “when you are taking care of yourself, you’re better able to take care of everyone in her life.” She & Jen talk about her book, Stop, Drop, Grow, & Glow: Forming Deeper & More Joyful Connections with Yourself & Your Children. Takeaways:Self-awareness and...

Kids can thrive at any size, says Jill Castle, a pediatric dietician, parent, and author of Kids Thrive at Any Size: How to Nourish Your Big, Small, or In-Between Child for a Lifetime of Health & Happiness. Takeaways:Feeding kids in a healthy way can be challenging, but it’s important to raise children of all sizes to be physically healthy and emotionally well.Family culture plays a significant role in shaping children’s attitudes towards food and body size.Body neutrality focuses on the...

How can parents overcome their fears and worries so they can say YES to their boys’ interests and passions? That’s the question we discuss with Heather Sponholz, a “boy mom” who’s said yes to her teenage sons’ solo National Parks trips, MMA fighting, and ambitious Christmas lights project. Takeaways:Navigating the balance between freedom and safety for teenagers can be challenging for parents.Allowing teenagers to take solo trips can help them develop independence and learn important life...

SheKnows’ “Be a Man” project is an “exploration of what it means to be a man today,” says Erika Janes, a “boy mom” and SheKnows editor-in-chief. Importantly, the project includes teen boys and gives them an opportunity to share their thoughts about manhood and masculinity. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the boys’ responses reflect our still-evolving understanding of gender. Crying, for instance, is still seen as a term with strongly feminine connotations, “but almost every boy we talked to said that...

What is the goal of youth sports?  It seems like an obvious question with an obvious answer. Isn’t the goal to provide kids with an opportunity to play sports? And to develop skills, teamwork, and camaraderie along the way? Historically, those were indeed the goals of youth sport. Many parents & kids still pursue those goals. But some parents & players have other goals: A scholarship. College admission. The youth sports industry also has a goal: To make money. Pay-to-PlayMany of...

It’s back-to-school time!  What does this time of year look like for you & your family? Does your son dread back-to-school? Do you? Or, do you welcome that start of a new school year? Rob Vaughn, a 5th grade teacher, is one of the (too) few male elementary school teachers in the United States. Masculinity in 5th gradeWhen we asked Rob about his experiences in school when he was a boy, he told us, “I was a different kind of boy.” He says he wasn’t a “sporty jock,” but “quiet,”...

The right hemisphere of your brain is your “wild creature mind,” says Steve Biddulph, the Australian author, psychologist, and family therapist known for his work on parenting and child development (including his seminal book Raising Boys). It is richly connected to our body & memories, including memories that we no longer consciously recall. It communicates with us constantly via bodily sensations, sending us important messages. We can tap into that, and we can help our children tap into...

Boys know that deep friendships are critical to mental health, says Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologists who’s been studying boys for 40 years. But as boys move through their teenage years, many of them — as many as 70-80% — find it difficult to connect with other boys. Why? “Boy culture,” says Dr. Way, author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, noting that she uses that term to describe the stereotypical “boy” expectations which state that boys...

How do we best support neurodivergent boys? Approximately 12% of boys in the United States have been diagnosed with ADHD. About 3% are on the autism spectrum. 18% of boys have dyslexia. An untold number are gifted – &, of course, many boys are 2e, or twice-exceptional, with more than one of these conditions. Dr. Matt Zakreski was one of those boys. “My backpack always looked like a bomb went off, I always forgot there were tests but could study 3 minutes before the test and get a 92,”...

Circumcision is a decision every boy parent must face – but what’s the truth behind the practice? Let’s break down the facts and dispel the myths. Culture & emotion influence circumcision ratesSurgical removal of the foreskin of the penis is incredibly common in some cultures & very rare in others. In the United States, approximately. 58% of male newborns are circumcised. But rates vary greatly by region – in the Midwest, it’s 74%; on the West coast, it’s 30%.  Globally, about 1 in 3...

To connect with boys, you must first listen, says Jonathon Reed, program manager for NextGenMen. Societal expectations of boys & men are gradually shifting. These shifting narratives are part of why it’s so important for adults to listen to boys. Adults’ interpretation and understanding of situations and interactions doesn’t necessarily reflect boys’ complex experiences, and neither does our language or approach. “We’ve got to look to them as the leaders in this conversation,” Reed...

Dr. Lisa Damour says that adults should consider the barriers boys face when it comes to emotional connection and expression.  "Gender is such a huge force in how emotion is expressed, and perhaps even in how emotion is experienced," says Dr. Damour. "If a boy doesn’t feel that he has permission to let people know he’s hurting, it’s a good bet that he will discharge his unwanted emotions by acting out." To Connect with Teens, Learn About Their EmotionsDr. Damour served as an advisor on one of...

Brendan Kwiatkowski knows that connecting with teenage boys requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to create a safe emotional space. Kwiatkowski, PhD, a renowned researcher specializing in boys’ emotions, experiences, and masculinities, says that teen boys “assume most people don’t want to hear about their negative emotions.” Helping Boys Express Their Emotions One of the key factors in a boy’s ability to express his emotions is his parents’ response to his distress. If a boy...

Teacher Tom says “kids haven’t changed at all” over recent decades. “Kids still need freedom to play, to follow their own curiosity,to ask and answer questions,and to learn how to get along with other people,” he says. Nurturing Kids & Building ConnectionsThe first five years of a child’s life “should be about how to live with these complicated things called emotions,” Tom says. Children also need time and space to navigate emotions and social interactions. But “too often, we step in too...

Women are America’s safety net.  Women provide the vast majority of child and elder care and care for the disabled. Women do the bulk of home- and community-tending, and they create and reinforce the ties that bind us together. Most of that labor is unpaid — and the little that is paid is typically poorly compensated. This imbalance is clearly problematic for women, who are often exhausted and overworked. But it’s also a problem for boys, men, girls, and, well, everyone. If we don’t talk...

Like most moms, Jaimie Kelton has “so many thoughts & fears on raising a boy.” “I question myself constantly,” says Jamie, host of The Queer Family podcast and mom to two children, a 10-year-old daughter & a 6-year-old son. She knows that gender is a social construct — and also knows that gender stereotypes are extremely powerful and prevalent. When she was pregnant with her son, Jamie says, she worried that she wouldn’t be able to connect with him. In this episode, Jaimie shares her...

Child psychologist Emily Edlynn says a healthier approach to tech is good for the whole family.  As she wrote in her Substack newsletter, the currently popular shame-blame-restrict approach to social media, screens, and gaming isn’t working particularly well. Emily sas: Parents’ hyper-focus on screen time, gaming, or phones can have more negative effects than the technologies on their own. Parents can become so fixated on maintaining the limits that the fixation itself causes a child’s or...